Preteen/Teen Mom's...
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Preteen/Teen Mom's...
I have a ds that will be 14 in June, a ds that turned 12 in Nov. and another that will be 6 in April. I am not sure what is happening. LOL I will try my best to explain here...
They are driving me insane. The older 2 suddenly, are incredibly short tempered with the little one. The little one is going thru an extremely pesky phase that he thinks is so funny. It is constant biccering lately. The older 2 are becoming pretty disrespectful. I dont let them get away with it- yet they do it again 2 days later. I feel like maybe they are brain damaged, as when I ask them to do things they are now forgetting. Actually, we have good days where they do everything I ask and then we have these days where it seems like whatever I say has gone in one ear and out the other. Is this some sort of stupid hormone? This evening the 12 yo picked on the 5 yo all evening. The 13yo interrupted me on the phone to let me know HE needed the phone to call a friend. I was on the phone with a TEACHER. argh I was furious because he has been taught phone manners since he was in preK. I was so irritated by it that I was not very nice in the way I reminded him about using those manners next time. ugh Then I felt like a loser Mom, for losing my cool.
Oh and the 5yo loves to pick, pick, pick on his brothers and then when they pick on HIM it isnt
funny at all to him. He is very dramatic right now. Cries and cries and you cant even understand what he is saying when he tries to tell me what's wrong. lol If he does something cute or funny we are NOT allowed to laugh at him. He is very sensitive to being laughed at right now? It's kind of a drag. Because he does some pretty funny stuff.
The 13 yo is so darn social right now, he acts like he is having an arm ripped off if he cant go to skate night. He stays on the phone for hours.
Does this get better? Does it get worse? Do you think I am just being overly sensitive? I have days lately where I dont want to be around my kids right now. I feel my BP go up as soon as they start fighting with each other. ugh I think I'd like to skip the teen yrs... is that an option? ha
And wouldnt you know int he course of typing this vent the 13 yo came in for a heart to heart about something. The other 2 are playing a computer game together??? ahhhhhhhhhh I never know which way the moods are going to swing lately.
Thanks for *listening*...;)
My oldest will be 12 in a couple of weeks and we refer to him as our resident ARP (Angst-Ridden Prepubescent). He will go from loving, affectionate, and funny to pouty, door-slamming, and tearful in a split second. There is a major hormonal upheaval at this age, so I think that accounts for some of it. There is also this incredible need to be cool and well-accepted by peers, but still wanting mom and dad. I can see Adam struggling with still wanting to play like a kid, but trying so hard to fit in with the older kids too. Some of the bullying of siblings comes from this I think. So far, we haven't had any disrespect or back-talking, but Adam has never been the type to do that anyone. Except for his present moodiness, he has been pretty easy to discipline and would put himself in timeout as a preschooler and tell us why--LOL. Our biggest issue is just the mood swings and occasional outbursts with his brother. No advice, but plenty of commiseration.
Oh Conni! I can't commiserate about the teenagers but my 6yo is acting exactly like Blake and I am seeing hints of the teen years already in my 8yo dd. The social life, the emotional outbursts, the complete lack of patience with her younger siblings. I REALLY wish that we could skip the teen years! I told my dh that I can understand why animals eat their young. Last weekend (three days together), they were at each other's throats every minute. This weekend, they've played together happily, shared things, put up a "fort" to sleep together in. You just can't predict a darn thing. {{{Conni}}} If you lose it too badly, I'll see you on the six o'clock news!
I'm right there with you, but with 5 girls between the ages of 9.5 and almost 13. As much as I love them all, some days I feel like I'm living a nightmare!! ;-)
Brendan and I are living with my mom right now and my sister is 16 at times it IS A NIGHTMARE around here. Of course my sister has many other issues but I can definitly sympathize and totally understand what you are going through. Sometimes I feel like I'm on a roller coaster ride with the mood swings. One second they are the best of friends (Brendan and Sister) and the next she is screaming at him to just leave her alone.
Never a dull moment around here that is for sure! Good luck and just remember the saying "this too shall pass..."
This too shall pass, but it will pass a lot easier if you start making some very firm rules now and enforcing them with penalties.
I suggest you and dh sit down and decide what are your rock-bottom on this I will not compromise rules, where you can compromise, and where you think you should change the rules.
I, personally, would not let the 5 year old get away with it. He knows his pick-pick-picking isn't funny except to him, and one of the things that makes it funny is that it gets a rise out of his brothers and he can get away with it by crying when they retaliate. If it were me, I'd tell him that it has to stop, and whenever he starts it you are going to do something. Send him to his room for X period, time out, if you won't leave your brothers alone you have to stay with me in the room I'm in for the next x period, removal of privileges, toys, whatever. He has to know that his behavior has consequences - better to learn it at home before he tries it in the outside world in a couple of years and someone decks him. Just because he is the littlest, the baby, doesn't give him immunity. As for the drama and the crying, unless he has a good reason, you need to help him get his act together and understand that you can't respond to what he is saying he wants if you can't understand him. Not laughing at him - it's hard, but no one likes to be laughed at, adult or child, so I understand that.
And, of course, the older boys shouldn't pick on him and should also suffer some loss of privileges when they do so.
The phone interruption - my rule, from the very beginning, was that if you interrupt me when I'm on the phone, the answer is NO. If one of my boys had interrupted me on the phone to tell me he needed to use the phone, my response and the discipline would have been, well, you don't get to use the phone tonight because you were rude and broke the rules, and if you sulk or grumble you'll do it in your room. I allowed each of my sons 1/2 hour of privacy on the phone each evening during the week, and an hour each weekend. And I had call waiting and if any calls came for me while a son was on the phone, he was required to tell me who it was and I would decide whether he should take a message or surrender the phone and pick up his call later.
Oh yes, teenagers often seem brain-dead. I only have boys, so I don't know about girls, but I suspect it is the same. It's their hormones, their friends' hormones, and they are starting to get a sense of "oh my God, in a few years I will be an adult", and are really trying out how far they can push to begin getting adult privileges (without, of course, the responsibilities, which is part of the problem).
The social 13 year old - work out a list of how many nights a week he is allowed to go to social events, what kinds on school nights and what kinds on weekends, curfews, rules about where and with whom, and, of course, all are subject to removal if grades go down or he gets into trouble. And be open to compromise if something special comes along.
Of course, you and dh will decide what's important to you - these are just things I would do and they are not my kids. But I do strongly suggest that you and dh need to get a handle on it now - it isn't all that far from 12 and 13 to 15 and 16, and things are - I promise you - going to get worse, so you'd better work at getting a handle on it and laying out the ground rules now.
My middle son and I used to get into some horrible battles, with cool being lost, tears flying, and doors being slammed. (He had an active social life, was popular, and fought harder for grownup privilegs and treatment than his older brother.) I give him a lot of credit - he finally suggested that we agree that we wouldn't talk about a subject while one of us was angry, but would take a time out and come back when both were calmed down - and we used "time out" or the football T hand signal. It worked, and it made a big difference in how we dealt with each other and made life a lot less difficult for both him and me as we struggled to sort out how issues would be handled.
Conni, Claire *lovingly* referred to that as *Mr. angry hormone*. LOL
On that note, ditto Ginny! Teenagers are THE worst, but you do live through it. In my experience, the boys get moody with emphasis on angry, and girls get moody with emphasis on drama and hysteria.
Bottom line: They are caught in that seemingless endless limbo between childhood and adulthood, are trying to spread their wings, their hormones are going crazy, they are anxious/excited/afraid, think they know everything and that you know nothing, expect instant gratification, will push you and everyone else around them to the absolute limit in order to get it, and if you don't stand firm in your rules AND love AND keep the commnication going, you are fighting a losing battle.
Decide what YOUR limits and rules are - know when to pick your battles, make sure they are aware of them and enforce them, no matter what, and let them know you love them while doing it.
Thank you so much! Pam and Tink it's glad to know I am not alone. lol
Ginny thanks for the advice! Karen, LOL at Claire's comment.
You all had some great points.
Thank you!!
My dd is 11 and I will also admit to having days when I feel like I don't even want to go get her from school. Like you, we can also have wonderful days too! You just never know what kind of day your going to have. I also feel like I can do nothing right. No matter what I do, it is wrong. I remember going through something like this with my mom, but I was very older. I hope this means we will get over it sooner and not that it will just last longer!!!!
Vicki, I think that Jen (the *baby*) was the worst one for me. We had an awful relationship for several years during her teen years. It was incredibly painful for me, and I'm sure for her as well. I certainly don't pretend to know it all, and that proves itself out by the fact that I just could not reach her, no matter what. Between 19 and 21, she did an incredible amount of maturing, and we are closer than we've ever been. But I know how you feel when you say some days you don't even want to pick up your DD from school. I have felt that way in the past with Jen, because I knew what was coming once she got home. It WILL get better!!!
Oh, Conni. I'm right there with you. As if Robin weren't moody enough, these preteen hormones are the WORST!!! I'm going to have to remember "Mr Angry Hormone." lol Just last night he went from demanding, to angry, to begging, to tears and then to little Mr Nice Guy--all apoligetic and cuddly. All because he didn't get something he wanted. We told him we will NOT have him "playing the lottery". When we say no it means no and it won't be 'well, maybe this will be the one time in ten (or 20 or 100 or whatever!) they change their mind' because we won't! Randy's right behind him. He can be little Mr Sarcastic and has always been a little moody and sensitive. I do have to say, though--at least we don't have girls!!! lol Hang in there, everyone. We'll make it through--I hope! 
I don't have time, at the moment to read all the responses, but just lately, my 16yo and 13yo dds have been picking on each other mercilessly. Someimtes, one just looks at the other, and then one gets snarky. It's driving me nuts, too.
Then, on the other hand, they worked together very nicely to clean up the kitchen! Argh!
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