MEN!!! darn thier time anyways.
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive February 2006:
MEN!!! darn thier time anyways.
Warning if in the military dont read. I debated in putting this up in here but it bugs me alot. this could be emotional for those seperated from thier husbands do to the military. For this Im sorry.
A friend of ours got sent to Iraq,Egypt,and other places in the area. He has been in the national guard for 15 years and never thought he would be sent over seas. Surprise! He has been married about 10 years and has 3 kids and 2 dogs one cat a nice home and a wonderful wife. He got back about a week ago. Well on his first day home, within hours of seeng his family, he admitted to getting a lady pregnant. This is a family everyone looks to for inspiration and admires the marriage. They had it all. In his confession he also told his wife that he is bringing the babies mother to America and has started processing it. She is from Russia. The wife is devastated. Till now they never spent more than a night apart and did everything as a family. He was on tour for 18 months. He has moved out and she has asked for some time to adjust to the pain and decide what she wants to do in this situation. He doesnt want to marry the other woman just wants to be close to child thats due in the next few months. Any advice for her is appreciated.
First, I'd be very surprised if he is able to get a visa for her so easily or quickly. I know when my brother who was single at the time, wanted to marry a Chinese girl, he was told that they could get married but it would be 2 years or more after their marriage before she would get a visa.
A visa for the mother of your child-to-be while you are still married - I wouldn't hold my breath.
I recognize that the military "good old boys" atmosphere seems to cause men to do things they wouldn't do state-side, but I don't really blame the military for this.
I have no advice for her because I don't know what she wants to do. If she wants to try to save the marriage, I would tell her to drag her heels in every way possible. If she just wants out, I would tell her to get a really good lawyer and make sure she gets everything she could possibly be entitled to. I would advise her to head for some counseling immediately so that she can sort out for herself just what she wants to do. And I would advise all of her friends to hug, support, cry with her, but not give her direct advice until she knows for herself what she wants.
What a jerk. Ditto everything Ginny said.
I agree- I wouldn't blame the military for this. Each individual is responsible for their own actions.
I wish her and the family the best.
How does he really know it's his?
Not taking up for anyone.
What if it's not his and she just wants to come to America or whatever.
OK, I have major issues with RUSSIAN sleezy women. Argh!!! Anyone that knows my history knows why. It is *very* unrealistic for this guy to think he is going to have his cake and eat it too. ;) He will wake up and have no wife/kids/home. Be paying tons in child support and alimony AND be supporting stupid Russian chick and her kid...
Yeah, he surely hasnt thought it all thru yet. Let me guess he is in his 40's?? This was part of his midlife crisis?
His poor kids.  They will hate him for this.
Wow.
All I can say is that I feel sorry for his wife and kids. What a shame he is in our military. I'm surprised he had enough time on his hands to get to know a Russian girl that well.
If we are going to deploy these men, let's keep them busy doing things our tax dollars are paying for, shall we?
I'm proud of my husband and the fact that he's going to Afganistan. A moment of weakness would mean a lifetime of pain...and he knows that. 
Conni, calm down. Take a deep breath. Hugs
I can certainly understand how one would 'blame' the military for this. I also think it is not the military's fault directly. True, if he weren't with the military, he probably wouldn't have been gone so much. Probably Who knows. Some other job may have taken him away, too.
Having said that, I feel horrible for his family and everyone else involved. I agree he needs to make DARN sure this is his child. My brother thought a little girl was his daughter for over two years and it broke all our hearts when he discovered she wasn't his. But, just the fact that he thinks it's his means he was doing something he shouldn't have been. He is absolutely to blame there. I pray for his wife, children and family. What a heartbreaking situation.
Im not blaming the military. My hubby is a retired Marine. I realize this could have happened no matter where he was. Yes he is a bout 43 and said he got lonely after his wife and him were sorta argueing in email about a dent she put on thier SUV. Thats his story anyways. Ive heard stories about the russian women and how they tend to try use american men to get money.
This is so sad and so hard for the family to go thru. Why dont people think before they make stupid mistakes like this ?
Jewlz ... darn their "time"?????
Well, I'm sorry for the guy's family-wife & kids.....
I wouldn't blame the military, I blame the man. And having been married to a man who was unfaithful for most of our marriage, I have to say if someone's going to cheat, they are going to cheat whether they are at home or far away. Yes, I know they get lonely, they are stressed, they are dealing with things we can't begin to imagine, but that doesn't mean they have to take their tool out of their pants.
One would have to be an incredibly forgiving wife to stay with a man who fathers a child with another women while already IN A MARRIAGE. I'm sorry, I just don't see that happening. How much resentment do you think will be there? How do you explain that to your kids? What kind of example does that set for them - it's OK to mess around and basically start a whole new family while staying with the one you have? How confusing for them!
No advice here simply because each situation is uniquely different. In my case, my X was unfaithful to his first wife and she to him. I believed he wouldn't be unfaithful to me, yet he was, and with *friends* of mine and co-workers of his. And he was following the fine example his own father set for him.
I have nothing but negative things to say about men who do what this man has done to his family. Yet, things are not always as they appear. Very often - not always, but often - when a spouse fools around, it's a symptom of a problem within the marriage. Or a symptom of a problem within the individual person. One or the other.
Opportunities present themselves for all of us at one time or another. The difference in the one who cheats and the one who doesn't is that the one who remains faithful believes in their marriage vows, is honest and loyal to their spouse, while the one who doesn't is seeking some sort of selfish, immediate gratification. Or is trying to fulfill a need that's not being met - and I'm not talking about physically.
Sorry to go off on such a ramble here.....it's a sore subject for me........I wish the best for your friend's family.
"Darn thier time" in saying this Im blaming the man ( men that have done this and put thier family in this situation)This is a phrase my hubby uses alot and I guess I took it from him. He was raised in the south but we have lived all over. I was thinking something a lil meaner but was trying to be nice while posting on the board. I have a personal name for him but not allowed to say it here. sorry to confuse anyone. I honestly believe if a man is going to cheat he dont have to leave the house to do it. It will happen.
Tee
Aetch
EEEEEEEEE
Eye
Are
Sorry...it was driving me nuts. I'm a type A personality and a school teacher. Think of it as a puzzle...
And, yes, I agree. The man doesn't have to be thousands of miles away to cheat.
I'm still not understanding the saying "Darn their time"... maybe it's a Cali thing? I was born under a rock, however, so some sayings are still new to me even though I've lived for 30 GASP! years.
Hehehe! Heidi! I get it, I get it!!!
I shocked no one is saying, "At least the man is owning up to his responsibilities and coming clean and taking care of his new child...."
I personally don't feel this way. I of course, don't know this woman, but I can bet she knew exactly what she was doing. And I hope this country is smart enough to make it hard as H E double hockey sticks for her to make it to this country, too.
Yes, I feel if a guy is going to cheat, he will cheat. And if a guy is not going to cheat, he won't. But if he is on the fence with it, I think being in the military can give him that extra push sometimes. SOMETIMES. For example. My BIL is in the Air Force. He volunteers for every assignment he can take because he and his wife want the money. Doesn't matter that they have a young son who has had brain surgery once and several surgeries after that to fix his shunt.
So he takes an assignment in CA for a couple of months. He wants his car because he and the boys are bored in the evenings and they want to be able to get out. My sil drives from UT to CA to take his car to him and has to take a bus back. Because they have from about 4:00 free everyday to do whatever they want. And weekends. They didn't have that much free time on their hands back on base. Fast forward a few months. New assignment. *Hand up* BIL volunteers. This time it is somewhere on the East Coast, I think within driving distance to some popular beach area. The boys again had plenty of free time to get out and have a good time.
I wish these kind of assignments would be at least limited to single guys or wives would be required to go along to keep husbands in check. I know I'll get some "What????'s" about that, but I feel that you don't give a man or a woman too much freedom with other single guys or women in settings such as clubs or whatever without asking for trouble. And no, not all guys will give in. But for some, the temptation will be too much.
I am so sorry for this woman and especially for her children. To me, this guy is awfully close to the Russian woman to be wanting to bring her home with his child. Sounds like more than a one night stand. And sounds like so much pain and suffering for his innocent "real" family here at home. The ones who were patiently waiting for daddy and hubby to get back home.
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