I'm just sobbing...

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive February 2006: I'm just sobbing...

My mother's caretaker of 6 years has died this morning of emphysema. Poor guy drove down to get some coffee and cigarettes at the local store and just stopped breathing.
I'm just sobbing...uncontrollable sobbing. He was such a nice guy. He was homeless with my mother and took care of her like she was his sister. We gave him a home and food and, in return, he took good care of my mother. He was 61.
I have to take care of my mother now and, with 2 flights of stairs, this ought to be interesting. (Especially without Scott.) She has medicare and medicaid but it's for West Virginia, not Maryland. So, I'll have to look into that. She still has her wits about her, so putting her in a home would be heart breaking. She just has high blood pressure and, with a few strokes, has a very hard time walking. I feel bad because I honestly can't take her anywhere if I have Connor. Connor hates errands as it is. It's too much to take both of them. Do they make wheelchair/stroller combos?
I just want to escape...
Wayne, may you rest in peace, sweetie...you were the best.

By Missbookworm on Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 05:43 pm:

Oh Heidi

*hugs you really tight*

By Kaye on Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 05:56 pm:

Heidi, so sorry to hear this. My mom was wheelchair bound for all of my adult life. They do not make wheelchair stroller combos, but my kiddos from very young go to where they would push her around. Also if you are pushing you can get a "leash" which helps. My mom was also able to hold my kids once they hit toddlerhood, and they loved the ride.

Honestly it was a lot of work, but I sure miss every bit of it. What a blessing to get a chance to have some real quality time with your mom. You said she still has her wits about her, so think of all the conversations you can have, maybe even get some help with scrapbooking, journaling etc.

By Karen~moderator on Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 06:31 pm:

Heidi, I'm so sorry. One thing on top of another, huh?

You can get the Medicare/Medicaid taken care of, but this is going to be a change in your life. However, even with your mom's health issues, it doesn't have to be a negative thing. She will be company for you and Connor. As Kaye said, Connor can sit on her lap in the wheelchair.

I know what it's like to take care of an ailing parent. My mom got to be too sick in a short period of time to even consider moving her in with me, but it was something I had thought about. Time passes too quickly. What may seem like a burden today, may actually become a blessing tomorrow.

Many {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} for you.

By Mrsheidi on Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 06:37 pm:

Thanks, ladies. She is too frail to hold Connor and I can't understand most of what she says. She repeats the same phrases over and over. But, Connor still loves giving her kisses and we could use the company.
I think it's the physical part of it that's going to be hard on me. Connor wants to be held a lot and having to help my mom in the same manner will be excruciatingly tough. She also needs me to change her clothes, bath her, cut her nails, help her to stand, help with walking, and has an occasional "accident". So, it's like having another child. I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that I'm going to have to bathe my own mother.
I just wish Scott were here to help.

By Annie2 on Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 08:31 pm:

My mom became wheelchair bound and lost alot of mental capablities after my father died. She had small TIAs (or small strokes). We considered taking her into our home but we live thousands of miles away from other siblings and family.
This may just be a small "blessing" in disguise for you and Connor. Also for your mom, being around a small child will give her something to live for. He may also thrive with knowing he can help out Grandma.
Maybe your dh being away at this time will also help you in adjusting to having your mom in the house.
You and Connor can do this together.
I wish you all the best, Heidi. I'm also sorry for the loss of your mom's aide.

By Mom2three1968 on Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 08:37 pm:

Me too heidi, I feel for you honey. Try and keep your chin up. I'll be thinking of you....

By Andi on Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 11:53 pm:

Just wanted you to know I read your post and I am sending hugs!
(((hugs)))

By Heaventree on Sunday, February 12, 2006 - 12:02 am:

Oh Heidi, I'm so very sorry. I wish there was something I could do for you sweetie, really. If there is anything I can ever do for you please email me.

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, February 12, 2006 - 06:39 am:

(((Hugs)))

By Reds9298 on Sunday, February 12, 2006 - 08:28 am:

Oh Heidi, I'm so sorry. You guys have been through so much lately.{{{HUGS}}}

Can your mother move in with you, or is that what you meant? That would be a big help wouldn't it?

I'll be thinking of you

By Beth on Sunday, February 12, 2006 - 08:38 am:

I am so sorry this happened. Whatever you decide I am sure that it will be best for all involved. Maybe you could find another caretaker? Good luck to you whatever you decide. ((hugs))

By Kaye on Sunday, February 12, 2006 - 08:40 am:

Maybe you could look into finding someone to come in and do a bathing a couple times a week. There has to be some assistance for her out there.

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, February 12, 2006 - 09:07 am:

Heidi, I recommend you check local agencies for some help. You are going to need the physical help, in bathing her, etc. I feel sure there is help available.

{{{{{{{{{{{{MORE HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

By Kim on Sunday, February 12, 2006 - 09:52 am:

I am sops sorry! I hope you find a workable solution. Many hugs to you Heidi. And your Mom and COnnor too!

By Luvn29 on Sunday, February 12, 2006 - 09:54 am:

I don't know what to say, Heidi. I'm so sorry you have to go through anything like this right now, when you don't have Scott there to help. I hope you figure out the best thing for all of you. ((((Hugs)))

By Mrsheidi on Sunday, February 12, 2006 - 10:16 am:

Thanks, everyone. You guys always offer incredible support. It really means a lot to me.
I think I am going to have to try to find some outside care for her.
Do any of you know if Medicaid/Medicare would cover that? I suppose I'll have to call tomorrow to find out for sure. I will have to transfer her medicare/medicaid to a Maryland account.

By Rayanne on Sunday, February 12, 2006 - 10:44 am:

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}

By Trina~moderator on Sunday, February 12, 2006 - 10:45 am:

Oh {{{Heidi}}}, as if you need any more weight on your shoulders right now. Wow. I hope you're able to get some help. Do you have any siblings who could be helpful and supportive? More {{{HUGS}}}!

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, February 12, 2006 - 11:25 am:

I was thinking of the home health aide thing, too. I don't know what is covered or anything. Maybe have to look in the yellow pages and make some phone calls to home health agencies.

By Tink on Sunday, February 12, 2006 - 12:52 pm:

I'm so sorry that you've got one more thing to take care of, when things have been so tough on you as it is. Know that we're here for you, anytime you might need us to vent or just for some cyber-hugs. {{{Heidi}}}

By Luv2fly on Sunday, February 12, 2006 - 02:36 pm:

I know in Oregon there is some typ eof funds available for caregiver/aide. My friends' mother has this. The money goes directly from the agency ( I am not sure if it is Medicare or a state agency) to the aide.

Prayers for strength headed your way!!