I'm wondering what you all think about having a baby shower for baby #2? Some people think it's ok some people not. My idea for baby number 2 is not to have a baby shower before it's born but to have a "Meet the baby" get together afterwards. The reason I want to do a get together is because with baby #1 we didn't have a free weekend for 2 1/2 months after he was born because people always wanted to come over. I don't mean to be ungrateful to people supporting us with the baby but sometimes you just want to be a family! And it gets overwhelming to constantly have to get snacks ready for guests, be dressed in real clothes, keep the house clean etc.. when you're trying to recover. What do you think?
Groove

By Heaventree on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 10:13 am:

I think that's a great idea. When Matthew was 3 days old we had 7 people in our house, one was sick, it drove me nuts! With Cameron my Mom was here for 3 weeks then DH's Mom was here for 3 weeks.

Also with #2 I did not allow anyone over for the 1st week. It was just us.

If I had it to do all over again I would do what you suggested. I liked having my Mom here for 3 weeks but my MIL could have gone home much sooner.

By Boxzgrl on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 10:31 am:

I always thought it was bad etiquette but it seems to be more popular these days. I'm having another one, not that I necessarily want or need one but because DH's family and my friends insist I *must* have one. I don't mind because it's an excuse to get everyone together but I have no idea if I should even bother with a registry when I have most of what I need. And the things I still need to get i'm being very picky about and I just want to do it myself.

I like the "Welcome Baby" idea. I hated having constant visitors after Kaitlyn was born. I told DH I didn't want any hospital visitors and I wanted a few days to rest at home before anyone comes.

By Crystal915 on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 10:33 am:

I think it depends on the situation. If there is a large gap between kids it's acceptable. Also, if it's a remarriage. I didn't even have a shower for my first pregnancy, because I moved during my second trimester, and went on bedrest when I got to my new home!!

By Groovepickle on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 10:44 am:

I think I might have to adopt your rule of no one visiting for a week Heaven. Did you include Grandparents in that rule? That seems reasonable to me. And about the sick person, THAT DRIVES ME NUTS!!!! My MIL was sick at Thanksgiving when Eli was only two months old. He was getting his shots the next day so I refused to bring him. My IL's made it clear that we were horrible people for showing up without him.
And Melissa I have similar thoughts. I never registered for the first baby and I don't plan on doing so for the next one. I think it's much more exciting to get things that are surprises. You really learn what you like and don't like after you have the first baby. I would just pass the word that if anyone was going to bring gifts, also bring a gift reciept in case you get doubles. That's what I said with my first shower. Then you don't have to worry about sounding picky and you can still return and get what you want
Groove

By Vicki on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 12:17 pm:

Well, unless there is a large gap between kids, or there is a remarriage or something, I just flat out don't like the idea of baby showers for second babies. I guess in my mind, showers are for getting things you need for the baby. Sure, they are also to celebrate a new life, but the people close to you will still do that by stopping by the hospital or your home shortly after the birth with a little something for the baby. My guess is, that with a second child (unless your having twins) that you already have those items from the first child.

While I think it sounds nice to have a Welcome Baby party, I would only do that for very close family and friends that would want to either stop by the hospital or come right over to see the baby. I wouldn't invite everyone that you would invite to a "shower" That way, they still get to come see the baby, but it is at a time set by you and you won't have unwanted visitors at the hospital and at home right away.

By Shellyg on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 12:25 pm:

With my friends we have a shower for each baby. One of my best friends just had her fourth! We had a girls lunch, what a blast!
I personally would not want a shower after the baby is born. I don't like people handeling my newborn!

By Hlgmom on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 01:19 pm:

I am throwing a shower for my friends secon baby on Sat! To me there should always be a shower becuase it is to celebrate the arrival of a new person and to celebrate pregnancy, labor and birth! I think every new little one and mom deserves that! I am doing more of a blessingway for my friend- which is a big celebration of the mother...we make a labor neclace- everyone brings a bead and a wish for the mother and child and we string them and it gives her strength during labor!

By Heaventree on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 01:26 pm:

Yup, that rule was for everyone, it was easy though all of our family members expect my Sister live in different cities. Also I think they knew better the second time.

By Groovepickle on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 03:24 pm:

Oooo... the labor necklace sounds so cool! Where did you get such a great idea! Now I want one of my friends to be pregnant!!
And thanks for answering Heaven.
Groove

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 05:04 pm:

When we had Sarah and came home from the hospital, about 4 days later, we did invited the neighbors over right away, for a quick peek. Then my parents came over and just spent the night. My mom cooked 2 meals for us and told me to go take a nap. That was nice. After that I don't remember much. I don't think we were overwhelmed with visitors, though. They sort of trickled in slowly and it wasn't anything I couldn't handle.

Oh my neighbor cooked a meal for us, too.

By Juli4 on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 05:25 pm:

We had a shower for #2, but that is just because we were new pastors at a church and the ladies wanted to. I did not expcet it at all. For #3 no one even knew I was pregnant until 4 months. I don't like registrys a whole lot. I like to buy stuff that I see and think the person will like, but I know how paticular I can be about some things and it is annoying to get a donzen bottles or something that you don't even use.

By Unschoolmom on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 05:30 pm:

Around here there's a shower for every baby, whether the first or the ninth. Local custom I guess.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 05:56 pm:

I think a shower is fine if friends want to throw one for you. As for visitors, I suggest the standard advice - people can't take advantage of you if you don't let them. If people call before coming, simply say I'm sorry, but we are not having any visitors other than the grandparents (and, if you wish, aunts and uncles) until the baby is 6 weeks old. I am working at organizing my days around taking care of an infant and a young child, and as much as I'd like to visit, this is not a good time.

If people just come over without calling, meet them at the door and say, I'm sorry, I just can't invite you in, and go on with the rest of the spiel. (IMO, anyone who "drops in" on a new mother without at least calling first deserves only the bare minimum of courtesy.)

Bottom line, it's your house, your baby, your child, and your health. So now is the time to start practicing your speech, and "just say no".

(And, I'm not sure why you have to prepare refreshments for drop-in guests or people who invite themselves.)

(And, even for close family, I'd set specific times when visitors are welcome IF they call ahead, and make it clear that as much as you love them, they simply cannot come at other times. I know I check with my dil at least 3 days in advance to find out if I can come and visit with my granddaughter, and I won't be going this weekend because my dil has a bad cold and is very tired - plus just starting back to work this week. I'm not even going to ask.)

By Kaye on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 06:07 pm:

For showers, my opinion is if someone (not family) wants to throw a party to honor and celebrate you, it is just bad manners not to accept and enjoy it. A baby is a special gift, and although that first shower can be a lot about gifts, really the shower is about showering love onto you and baby.

I wouldn't do a post baby thing, because so many people around the new baby would stress me. We only allowed limited visitors with my little ones. My oldest actually didn't leave the house for 6 weeks, except a trip to see grandparents. I am a little neurotic about needing time to bond with baby.

By Groovepickle on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 07:49 pm:

Good point on the everyone will be holding the baby. I'll have to think about it.

By Tink on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 08:36 pm:

Ditto Kaye. If someone wants to throw you a shower, let them. I would be hurt if I wanted to celebrate a friend's baby and she turned me down. Of course, a shower for each baby is customary. I also don't like the idea of having so many people around the baby at that young of an age. I think people are more likely to show up at a party with cold symptoms, etc. than they would be to just visit.

By Reds9298 on Friday, February 3, 2006 - 07:25 am:

Haven't read all the posts but even though it's not "etiquette" for the 2nd baby shower, I have always thought it was a great idea! I love your idea of getting together after the baby is born, especially because then you might realize something that you DO need. And if the baby is a different sex than your first one, I always think clothes, clothes, clothes! It's only fair in my head that you get some new stuff for a second baby, too, especially *needed* things like clothes.