I talked to DH last night, and I feel like I am ready again to start trying for another baby. I don't want to right now, but I was thinking around May. I have to go for my pap then, so I figured I wait to make sure everything is ok. I still want to lose some weight too. DH isn't ready yet, so I told him that it gives us 4 months to prepare to start, if he's/we're ready. He's really scared for me that a miscarriage might happen again, and he doesn't want to try because of that. I told him that we can't live that way.

I've been getting a little dpressed lately because April is when our baby would have been born, so the closer it gets the sadder I get. I am thinking about planting a tree or something on the day that our baby would have been born to acknowledge it in some way. Maybe it will give me some kind of peace. I don't know.

I do know that I want one more child, and if we wait until May, then once the baby gets here, Rylee will be 3 and hopefully potty trained, and able to accept the changes better.

What do you all think?

By Colette on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 08:24 am:

I think planting a tree would be a lovely way to remember the baby you lost.

See how you both feel in a few months, best of luck to you.

By My2girlygirls on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 09:14 am:

I had a miscarriage 9 years ago. I planted a rose bush (It's called "PEACE") and it is a wonderful tribute to the baby we lost. Every time I see it in bloom it makes me smile. Even after the birth of another child it took me about 2 years before I came to terms with losing the baby. The big revelation happened while I was in the shower one day, I got out and went to my DH and told him, "Now I get it. I understand why it happened, Kiersten is the one that is supposed to be here, she is the one who is supposed to be in our family and if we would have had the other baby she wouldn't be here" He just kind of stared at me and said, "OK" as if to say "You're just getting that now?" So, it does get easier. I'm sure your DH is just scared of you hurting again, it's actually very sweet of him. Good Luck.

By Crystal915 on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 09:41 am:

Good luck Rayanne. I think a tree is a nice tribute (although something I personally wouldn't do because I am NOT a good gardener!! LOL) I can understand Chris' position, because it makes him feel helpless when you are hurting, but giving yourselves time to prepare is the best way.

By Cat on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 10:06 am:

Where would you plant the tree? The reason I ask is that you'd talked about moving. How would you feel if you planted a tree "in memory" and then had to leave it behind? I'm facing that now. When my grandmother died we used the money she left us to build a deck on the house and I planted a lilac bush (she had three around her house). Now I'm having to leave those behind and it stings a bit. Don't get me wrong. I think it's a good idea. Just a thought, though. Dh's parents have a memory garden around a tree in their front yard for dh's older brother who died in the 80's. FIL loves to spend time tending to Herbie's Garden.

Also, as to what Sarah said about how one child wouldn't be here if she hadn't lost the other. I've had two miscarriages. NEITHER of my boys would be here if I hadn't lost the two I had. I know it's hard, but God really does know what he's doing. I have friends that will not try to have another child (they have an almost 4yo girl) because they lost a couple and are afraid to try again. I think that's sad. I do understand it, but we can't live with the "what if's" or we'd never live. Good luck and hugs.

By Conni on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 10:33 am:

Oh, I think tree is nice idea as well. Like Cat said, what if you move? Just something to consider.

Also, I have an aunt that had 4 miscarraiges and has 3 grown children now. She had to stay in bed literally the entire 9 mos with the last one. But, I know she would so it all over again to have those kids. I had a miscarraige 2 yrs before I got pregnant with Blake (not that Blake was a planned little one or anything lol). I do know the fear you feel and understand it. It's tough, but have faith. Pray about it and put it in God's hands.

(((HUGS)))

By Rayanne on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 10:42 am:

I don't think that we will be moving any time soon. I am actually hoping to just add on to our house instead...maybe.

Thank you all so much. I know that Chris doesn't like to see me hurt, and that is why he is being really cautious. He did feel helpless, and he didn't like that at all.

By Jackie on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 11:16 am:

Whatever your decision is, will be the right decision. There is no timetable for something like this. We each grieve differently.
Ive gone through 4 miscarriages in a row, and can understand what you are going through.After each of our miscarriages, we tried right away, except after my 3rd one, as they decided to do testing and wanted to wait until the test results were back.
I also think, "if those other babies would of been born, Faith would not be here"...So I do believe things do happen for a reason. Sometimes I cant figure it out, sometimes I dont know why God would put us mothers through the misery of losing a precious life. I guess there is somethings in life I will never truley understand.
That is why Faith's name has so much meaning for us. If me and my husband didnt have Faith, my beautiful baby girl "Faith" would not be here.

By Boxzgrl on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 02:52 pm:

I've had a miscarriage. With all the lab work you've done I don't see any reason why you would have repeat miscarriages. Kaitlyn and Nathan will be 3 years and 1 month apart. I'm glad I get a little break in between diapers! I also think Kaitlyn is just reaching the age where she'll be more helpful and independent and I think that will help my sanity a lot. Whatever you decide, good luck! I can't wait for Rylee to have a little brother or sister.