Is there just one person for everyone? A little bit of history... My "one" and I have known each other since we've been 10 years old. We saw each other off and on all through high school, our families are really close and we've never lost contact really. We went off and on all through high school and afterwards, FINALLY when we were about to really get together his then girl friend got pregnant.

Fast forward 10 years, they are married have three children between the two of them (her two older and their child is 9) they've been married since he was five.

Over the weekend we (mom and I) went to a party for "the one" mother and it was held at his house and his wife. Feelings were brought back out by both parts and has left me being very confused. We had a lot of remember whens, and some what ifs and had some really good conversations. In fact I've never felt better than in the most recent months that I did at that party BUT...

so my question is if he is my "one true love" and obviously nothing can ever be because he's married. Is he it for me? Will I never find another "one" that is it for me the way he is for me? Does that make sense???

I'm recently single (less than a year out) and I was in a dead end relationship (only thing I can say came out is our son) and I knew all along that it wasn't the same as what I had with ---- but tried to make it work for our son. We failed and now I'm left wondering if I'm going to spend my life alone because of "coulda woulda shoulda" or do you think there is more that one for each person?

What's your thoughts on all of this?

By Jackie on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 02:44 pm:

I honestly think there is more then one true love out there for all of us. I mean what a sad world and life it were to be, if you the one and only you thought was "the one and only", didnt work out. Id like to think there is somebody else out there for me. Im not saying that people who are married should look for that for that other one and only LOL... but I do believe there is more then one "one and only"...
oh I want to add, obviously there is only one first love in all our lifes, but I think there could be more then one true love in our life.

By Trina~moderator on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 02:45 pm:

My thoughts are that things didn't work out between you and the supposed "one" because they weren't meant to be. You are in a vulnerable position right now. Stop dwelling in the past and move on. You will find love again, but not when you're looking for it. {{{HUGS}}}

By Vicki on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 02:51 pm:

I agree that there is more than one "one and only" for people. I also believe that if you and he were supposed to be together, you would have been. You wouldn't have been so on and off again way back when. I think you are remembering all the great things that were and could have been. What about all the reasons you were "off again" all those times??? We seem to not remember all those things so well. LOL He wasn't "the one". I agree that you will meet someone when your least expecting it!! Let this alone!!

By Kim on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 02:58 pm:

In my opinion, it doesn't matter who you are with or marry. There will always be problems or something that annoys you or... Yes, it probably feels good to look back and wonder "what if" but that does not mean the grass would be greener if you chose to get together. To me, in my opinion, if he were single, it would be different.

I used to believe in there being one and never will again. It doesn't make sense! As Dr Phil put it, there is an 80/20 rule. If you meet a guy and he is 80% of what you want, the other 20% can be worried about later!

This is a sticky area I would not want to get into. Please notice I said *I*. For me its clearcut. He's married.

By Ginny~moderator on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 03:53 pm:

Let's see - he's married, and he married the woman he got pregnant before he was married to her (was he dating you then? that's not clear) - and he played "remember when" with you in his house with his wife in the same house. Sounds like a real prize package to me - NOT.

Doesn't matter whether you are single or not, doesn't matter whether you have history together or not, doesn't matter that you are "wondering". He is married, and the father of a household which includes 3 children. If only one of them is his biological child, he is still dad to all of them. Even if he were your "one and only", to act on that would be, in biblical terms, adultery, and in my personal terms, interfering with someone else's marital relationshp and causing harm to a woman and children who are dependant upon that man.

Do I think you will act on it? No, I don't think so. If you were fairly sure in your mind that you wanted to do something about it, you wouldn't be asking for advice here. So I'm glad you asked, on several levels.

Is he your "one and only". Probably not. I'm not sure I believe in "one and only" - I think it's a matter of opportunity, propinquity, and serendipity. I've been in love more than once, and I've met a lot of guys that I think I could, at the time, have come to be in love with if I had let circumstances develop in that direction.

I think maybe you are feeling lonely and alone, which is understandable. I think he pushed some of your buttons playing the "remember when" game, which was decidely unkind and nasty on his part, and I am wondering why he did it - what was his goal?. There are a lot of guys out there, and some of them are good guys, and some of the good guys are willing to take on a good woman and her child by a previous marriage. Give yourself a chance. The more time you spend thinking about this guy, the less you will be open to the good guys, and any guy who wants to approach you will probably sense it. In the words of Rodgers & Hammerstein, wash that man right out of your hair, and mind, and work at washing him out of your emotions and get on with your life.

Memory - about a year after my ex and I separated, we were both at the same social event and he brought his new lady with him. I spent the evening playing "remember when" with him, using the code words and phrases that we had built up in our marriage, and at the end of the evening was feeling pretty smug, because he'd spent the evening talking with me and not being with his new lady - until one of our mutual friends called me on it. I should explain that the separation was at my initiative, though when it came time to discuss getting back together he was the one who made "impossible" conditions - and his lady had absolutely nothing to do with our separation, coming into the picture well after we had decided to make the separation permanent. But I still felt smug - and later, ashamed. (What I did was worse that what he did, because she didn't know anyone there other than my ex and this was her first introduction to some of his friends.) I hope (without much expectation that my hope will be granted) that someone called your friend on his behavior, because I think his behavior was wrong on two levels - I think he was playing games with you, and I think he was, minimally, discourteous and disrespectful to his wife.

By Mrsheidi on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 04:11 pm:

To be honest, I think he's insecure if he brought all of that up. Some guys do that for their ego so, personally, I wouldn't hold any weight in it. I feel like he's thinking, "Yeah, I still got it." I seriously doubt he would leave his wife, 3 kids, and take a chance on "what if".
I think it's great you guys have those memories but, all in all, there's another guy for you. Someone that doesn't start out feeling so comfortable, but soon will. Don't feed his ego anymore and go get yourself a hottie!! :-)

By Anonymous on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 04:41 pm:

I guess wasn't clear in my post about several things. ONE being I am NOT in know why shape or form was or would consider anything going on between us. The remember whens wasn't just me and him it was a group of people at times during the evening it was with his wife there in the conversations. In no way was it really a "disrespect" thing to me or his wife it was simply old friends getting caught up. TWO, we were NOT dating when she got pregnant.

Jackie hit the nail on the head with her response
"oh I want to add, obviously there is only one first love in all our lifes, but I think there could be more then one true love in our life"

That is what I was wanting to know that even IF he was my one, is he the ONLY ONE...

Thanks for the responses they have given me much to think about.

By Ginny~moderator on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 06:05 pm:

Anon, in re-thinking, I was strong in my post, and I apologize for any hurt I caused you. I didn't for a minute think you were thinking about doing anything, but from your post I kind of had the impression it was a one-on-one "remember when". Your description above puts it in a whole other light, and yes, that makes a really big difference.

Again, I apologize for hurting your feelings.

By Kim on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 08:09 pm:

Yes, anon, sharing that this was a group situation makes it a whole different matter. I am also sorry if I offended you.

By Mommmie on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 08:09 pm:

No, there's more than one, but you may not need more than one.

By Anonymous on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 09:15 pm:

Ginny and Kim, I reread what I wrote and I wasn't clear in that it wasn't just us, I assumed at a party people would realize it wasn't just us. lol... I didn't specify and I should have. No offense taken, I wanted opinions and got them. I would never do anything or act on these feelings, I guess basically what I wanted to know was that if he was "it" would there be another? I hope that makes sense, it's so hard in writing sometimes to get your point across.

Mommmie - I wish that were true but I truly hope there is more than one because my "one" can't be lol... does that make sense? I'd never do anything to jepordize his marriage, our families relationships, etc. I respect the vows of a marriage and would NEVER want it to happen to me so I would never reverse the roles.

By Mommmie on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 09:49 pm:

If he can't be then he isn't the one. If he were the one he would be the one.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 12:15 am:

I know this isn't an issue now, with the further info.. But I have a friend that went to a house warming. Her Ex boyfriend from high school and his wife showed up. He came in the kitchen while she was doing up some dishes as the party was coming to an end and played the "what if game" with her. She had a similar issue. Questioning if she had lost her one, after her divorce less than 6 months after the party. She had her self convinced he was her one and only (the ex boyfriend that is). She was all ready to go and profess her undying love to him and then she ran into one of his other EX girlfriends. They sat for a chat and discovered he had done the same thing to her at the grocery store. Jerk thought he was going to play someone. Anyway, She has gone on to find her "soul mate". She found him by not looking.. he showed up in her life when she least expected it...

By Reeciecup on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 09:04 am:

This may take this in a direction not intended but I truly believe each of us individually have to be our own one true love. What I mean by that is that we will only find someone we can be with and commit to if we really know and love ourselves. We can't look to another person to determine our lives or to complete us. We can only be with another to compliment our life.

We have to love ourselves because there won't always be someone there to love us and if there is someone, they won't always do the right thing or what we need at that moment. I'm not meaning this is a selfish way either, like everyone out for themselves. I hope my rambling makes some sense.

By Trina~moderator on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 09:27 am:

Reecie, you make perfect sense to me. That was the point I was trying to convey earlier but didn't do a good job. When my first love and I broke up I was heartbroken and devastated. I thought I would never find love again. I went through the motions of life but was far from happy. Through the support and encouragement of friends I started going out and trying to have a good time, despite the fact I was dwelling on my single status and constantly looking for potential significant others. Slowly I started enjoying myself during social outings with mixed company and actually felt confident and happy about my life and job, etc.. THAT'S when I met DH! LOL!

By Conni on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 10:41 am:

Is there only one true love for each of us? Absolutely not. That sounds like junior high to me. lol

I do think people are brought into our lives for a reason. Maybe we are to learn something from our relationship with them if it doesnt last. Or maybe they learn from us, etc...

Be true to yourself. Dont look for a man. There's a bunch of them out there and one will just happen to cross your path when you least expect it. Like the ladies mention above.

By Crystal915 on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 11:38 am:

I think it's unrealistic to think there is one true person for you, and you'll actually friend that person in a life time. Is there one friend that is perfect for you from childhood until you die? Probably not, but your friendship with one person can evolve over a lifetime. Your relationship with your spouse can too, if you work at it.
That isn't to say every marriage can last forever. Sometimes people change, just like in a friendship, and things are no longer compatible. I'm sure some will disagree with me, but I can say from experience that the person you marry doesn't always evolve with the marriage. So, in the case of the long lost love you found, he's married, therefore he is not an option. Move forward in your life, not backwards, and you'll find someone who is right for you.

By Kim on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 03:10 pm:

WHat if you are married and your partner dies? Is there then no other person that is for you? Just a thought.