I love my husband but today he worked my nerves! I am so angry at him. He was very disrespectful to me and I told him that and he didn't care. I really hate him right now.

By Reds9298 on Friday, January 27, 2006 - 07:19 pm:

No, I never hate my husband. He drives me nuts sometimes and of course I've been mad at him a million times in life, but I can't say I've ever "hated" him. We treat each other with lots of mutual respect, but if he didn't respect me, I'm sure the word "hate" would be running through my mind. {{Sorry}} No one deserves to be disrespected, especially by someone who should love you unconditionally.

By Jewlz on Friday, January 27, 2006 - 08:17 pm:

As a matter of fact I do! and beggining to think that I have prolly hated him for some time now. In many ways he has disrespected me and my kids. I'm also realizing that I also allowed him to contue doing this over and over. Some men are just PIGS ... sorry I'm just in a mood. I hope that you and your husband work this out.
{{{{{HUUUGGGGGGZZZZZ}}}}}

By Anonymous on Friday, January 27, 2006 - 08:31 pm:

Wow, so glad you posted this. I will say I do not hate my husband, even when I am very angry. BUT, this is a big BUT, I really can not stand him most of the time. He is not a bad guy at all. He does not disrespect me, but I just plain do not want to be married. I do not want to be married to him, or anybody else.I am having a bad evening with him, and nobody is really to blame. I just basically want to be left alone. I do not want his help, I do not ask for it. So, I try to tell him to back off, I just want to be left alone. He has his priorities and I have mine, and they are not the same. Sure they are the same when it comes to the kids,other then that, we live like roommates.
Sorry for hijacking your post. Im glad I could vent on your post. Thank you

By Trina~moderator on Friday, January 27, 2006 - 09:28 pm:

I can honestly say I have never hated my husband. A tad bit annoyed a few times, but never "hate".

By Boxzgrl on Friday, January 27, 2006 - 09:56 pm:

Hate is a harsh word. Frustrated or maybe annoyed occasionally but never hate. There are a lot of people with marital problems and issues but it's hard for me to hear someone they told their vows to that they "hate" them. How can you love yet hate one person so much? I don't think you can.

By Happynerdmom on Friday, January 27, 2006 - 10:02 pm:

No, I have never hated my husband. I'm sorry for everyone that feels that way. I can't imagine living with someone that was not my best friend, much less hating them.

By Tink on Friday, January 27, 2006 - 10:03 pm:

I will say that my dh and I tossed the "I hate you's" back and forth one time about five years ago and it was so devastating and hurtful to both of us for such a long time afterwards that we never used that word again with each other. I don't think I even hated him then but that's the closest I've ever come and it hasn't happened since then. I'm not the type to think you can hate and love someone all at the same time.

By Beth on Friday, January 27, 2006 - 10:38 pm:

Hate is to strong of a word for me to. I can say annoyed, upset, disappointed but couldn't use the word hate when thinking of my dh. I tend to think that disrespect doesn't happen one time. If he made you upset enough to "hate" him it sounds like there are issues that need resolving. I am sorry that he hurt you.

By Crystal915 on Friday, January 27, 2006 - 10:55 pm:

(((Anon))) I hated my EX-huusband quite often, but he;s now my ex. I think it's a bad sign if your spouse doesn't care that he's hurt you. You should never hate your spouse, I sometimes want to throttle DH, and I can hate the things he does sometimes, but never hate him. I'm sorry that your hubby hurt you, and that he doesn't seem to care. I hope things calm down and you can talk about it with him.

By Anonymous on Saturday, January 28, 2006 - 03:37 am:

I can honestly say that my husband is NOT my bestfriend. I do not think I really have a best friend. I have some good friends. Even when we were the happiest in our marriage , I still never considered him my bestfriend. I guess I just never let anybody get that close to me to call them my bestfriend.
I am anon #2.

By Karen~moderator on Saturday, January 28, 2006 - 08:06 am:

Definitely not. Though I hated my X for a long time.....I don't always agree with my DH, we've had our disagreements, and a few big fights, but I've never hated him.

By Kernkate on Saturday, January 28, 2006 - 08:31 am:

I also consider Hate a harsh word. I never say I hate anyone let alone my DH. We may disagree and get mad but I could never say I Hate him. I heard my DS say I hate so and so and I talked to him about saying that. Just the way I was brought up.
{{{Anon}}} Sorry you felt disrespected. Hope things will get better for you.

By Anonymous on Saturday, January 28, 2006 - 10:04 am:

I'm the anon from the depression post. Although I can say I don't always like my dh, and I sometimes hate what he does, I can't say I've ever really hated him. I always know that on some level I love him, and hope he loves me. He once years ago out of anger said he hated me. I can't tell you how much that hurt and even after he apoligized it took a long time to get past that. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, January 28, 2006 - 03:25 pm:

I know sometimes he drives me crazy, but I wouldn't say that I hate him.

By Kaye on Saturday, January 28, 2006 - 07:12 pm:

Hmm hate is a strong word. But I have to say that there have been a handful of moments that is a word I have thought.

How can you exchange vows with someone and then hate them? I guess to me there is a fine line between the two. Because I exchanged vows I expect certain things and when those promises are broken it hurts deeper than a random person can do.

I guess I probably hate the things more than him, but in the midst of struggle it is awfully hard to distinguish the two.

I have never told him "I hate you", but on more than one occasion I have thought it. We have been married almost 14 years (dated for 2). And there have only been 3 or 4 times I have felt that way. And yes, I do remember exactly what made me feel that way.

By Anonymous on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 01:09 am:

People change. My husband had an accident that had an effect on him mentally. He is not the same man I married.

Two years ago he said he hated me "with a passion". I have lost a lot of feeling for him. A lot. I believe there can be feelings of hate in a marriage. And I believe people often stay together for the sake of their children.

By Insaneusmcwife on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 09:27 am:

I have often gotten very fustrated with him and at moments he was not my favorite person but I have never hated him. {{{hugs}}} I hope you guys work this out.

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 10:23 am:

"I believe there can be feelings of hate in a marriage. And I believe people often stay together for the sake of their children."

I agree with you. Like I said, I hated my X for a long time, and we were one of those couples who stayed together for the kids. Huge mistake in OUR case.

I hated him more and more until this past year, when I wrote him a long letter and got all the nasty out of my system. Helped ME, he probably laughed at it. There's a lot of emotional and physical energy spent and WASTED on hate. It sucks your emotional energy out of you and makes you bitter. A bad thing. Better to deal with what makes you feel that you hate, than to let it continue. After all, the only person the hate truly affects is YOU.

By Anonymous on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 04:04 pm:

I am the oringinal anon. I think I am falling out of love with my husband. I love him but I'm not in love with him, I think?. There is so much resentment I have towards him. He has done so many things to me and I have always forgiven but I am so darn tired and fed up of his immature behavior. I just don't know what to think about the whole situation. Thanks for letting me vent and for the candid honesty.

By Marg on Sunday, January 29, 2006 - 08:10 pm:

Yes, I have. I can hear the gasps now!

For years I worked for an emotional abusive boss. With being around my boss 8-10 hours per day more over tax season, I saw him more than d(dear)h.

My boss would literally say anything that popped into his mind. Also you should understand he was a mennonite and used this to cover any of his downfalls. Always letting everyone know he was a saint. (Not all mennonites are like this)

Anyway, my self esteem grew smaller and smaller. I took it out on dh not telling him every detail of what went on. When I did talk to him I felt he wasn't listening or didn't understand anyways.

It got worse and worse. I so desperately wanted out of this job and my boss knew it. He would tell me 'no one would hire you, etc.'

Believe me I know how abused people feel. The abuser has a lot of control once they get ahold.

Anyway, I took it out on dh. Blaming him for anything, picking constant fights. Him not truly understanding me. I really thought I hated him. I would silently cry myself to sleep every night.

I can not explain it all but it was so bad I would grind my teeth at night and wake up with chips of a tooth in my mouth the next morning.

For years I prayed to God for a way out of this job. Before I was pregnant with out third child I truly wanted a divorce. Never told dh, he would have been shocked. But I hated ALL MEN!!!! Did not trust but a handful of people and that did not include dh.

Things were going downhill quick, my hatred building almost like a disease.

Then mom found out she had cancer and my world stopped. Mom was the 1 and only person I could truly trust and she was dying.

I confronted my boss told him I needed time off, he said it's either your job or your mom.

I choose mom.

Mom died. I left go of my anger but my trust issues still remaining.

Just last Friday, January 20, 2006 I had a breakthrough.

I TRULY LOVE AND TRUST MY HUSBAND I have no idea what happened that exact moment of time, but it all really started at dh's Christmas break. We spent 11 straight days together 24 hours a day. And I actually saw the light *blink*. I saw that dh was never using me or putting me down. He truly loved me through thick and thin, sickness and health, etc. But it took all that time.

It took all of this time to work through this, when I realize I should have went to a therapist, but really thought it was all in my mind.

He just told me last night laying in bed he has seen such a change in me and he has always loved me. He said I am like my old self, pre-abusive boss days.

Believe me I was terribly hateful. I really don't know how he put up with me for all those years. But we talk about it now and he apologizes for not being more attentive, sympathetic and not going in to confront my boss. Believe me the things that my boss said I believe I could have filed a complaint against him.

Sorry for the long story and being honest and candid.

I know all along I did not hate dh, I hated myself and tried to push everyone away because I thought so little of myself and how in the world could anyone love me.

I read your words and I feel like I've been there.

I also felt he was immature and selfish, but looking back I never gave him the chance to know what was really going on.

(((anon)))

Maybe you should really open up to him and lay it all out. I wish I would have years ago. It might have stopped the cycle I was in.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 12:59 am:

I agree 100% with Marg. "Maybe you should really open up to him and lay it all out." What do you have to loose? As it stands you are going to loose your marriage if you don't do something.. Living together and not being committed is a loss of a marriage, by the way. And honestly he may not even realize the depth of your issues with him... I wouldn't attack him.. Try to focus your thoughts, pull everything together, even if it takes you days to prepare for the talk. Write a letter, give it to him to read or read it to him. But make sure your points are clear and not attacking. Attacking means a huge fight and no resolve... No one likes to be blamed and most of the time when we "complain" all they see is that we are blaming them and they see and hear nothing beyond the blame. IF there was ever a point in your life that you loved your husband you can repair your marriage and make it stronger... If this was a marriage of convenience (we all know they are out there) then maybe your mind has had all it can take of compromising your life for convenience and it is trying to tell you it is time to move on. But I am not sure why you married in the first place or what has led to the issues you are clearly having now.

But I am with Marg... a lot of issues in our lives are issues with in ourselves that we project on the people that are the closest to us in our lives. Our spouses, children, fellow employees etc... Which is why so many people have multiple marriages.. they put a back pack on in childhood and they start filling it with stones of resentment. They say they forgive but they never take the back pack off or remove the rocks. They walk around weighed down and they mentally start blaming everyone else for their burdens. The weight gets to be too much and they start looking for someone to bare the blame.. And a ton of rocks (little pains and burdens) are hurled at the person that puts that one last stone in the back pack. The resentments go on through marriages, divorces, remarriages.. They effect every aspect of our lives.. And they serve no purpose other than self fulfilling prof-icy that we are doomed to be unhappy and fail (or be let down).

Time to do some soul searching and figure out why you "hate" him.. what he truly has done to bring these resentments against him. Have you expressed your feelings about his actions to wards him or have you stuffed them into your back pack??? leaving him in the dark as to any issues that are getting ready to smack him up side his head?? better think this all the way through. Work it out in your head and make sure what you are feeling is really his fault. because we (people) are all guilty of expecting our significant other to read our thoughts and to know exactly what to do/say exactly when we expect them too do/say it..

Oh and outside influences so don't help a person when they are trying to figure out if they are right or wrong in their lives/marriages... Not saying anyone here has.. But people have a tendency to hide their back packs from each other......... In other words people LIE about their lives and their marriages making others feel like they are doing something wrong in their own. Something is wrong with me... No one else has issues with their spouse the way I do.. He must not love me.. I must not love him.. WE all have issues with our spouses. I am sorry there is no one perfect out there.. Our crosses to bare are just made out of different wood, that is all...

Wishing you all the best and then some... Nearly nothing in life is unfix able, with a little bit of work, the proper tools and a good owners manual...

By Marg on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 06:32 am:

Thanks Bobbie.

It took awhile before I could even post that.

Writing it putting reality into it, if you know what I mean.

I believe a lot of people 'hide' their true lives.

A woman at the office I worked had quit 3 years before me and wanted me to go with her.

3 years before that, one day in the office, she spilled her guts on how her marriage was sinking.

She was also filled with depression and anxiety. She went to a psychiatrist after she quit. I should have taken her advice. I believe it would have helped

They are still married and now her and her husband own a business together.

We rarely talk, due to we don't want to remember all of those 'bad times.'

Dh and I will be married 20 years on Feb 22. Just about 13 years I wasted.

By Conni on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 11:03 am:

Do I ever hate my husband? hmmm well, there have been MANY things my husband has done or said that I hated. He has made me extremely angry, irritated, upset, deeply hurt. But I cant say I hate him.

I dont even hate my ex husband. He completely annoys me and irritates me a times. But I dont hate him.