My dd will be 16 in two months, and is a sophomore. We have always said, no prom until she's a junior, even if an older boy asks her (school rules...underclassmen can't go unless accompanied by a jr. or sr.). Our reasoning behind this is primarily that some things are worth waiting for. Why rush into everything right this minute? But dd came to us the other night, asking if she could go, if she were asked by a boy we knew and trusted, and if she doubled with one of her best girlfriends and her date. Her primary argument is that it's her (senior) girlfriend's last prom, and it would be extremely fun to go with her, and to double. I love the idea of double dating (the prom is always out of town and dd has yet to be on a "real" one-on-one date), but I don't like the feeling I'm getting that she and her girlfriend are going to try to wrangle a date out of this (boy)friend, for the sole purpose of going to the prom. I told dd I didn't like the idea of their using him that way. Dd doesn't see it as "using," since she likes him anyway, and they would all have fun as friends (which, perhaps, is true).
I've polled my co-workers, all of whom say there's no reason not to let dd go--most of them went as underclassmen, so what's the harm? I still think it's something she should wait for, but my argument doesn't have a lot of teeth in it. Dh feels the same way. I know we are the parents, and we have the final decision, I'm just wondering what everyone here thinks.

By Yjja123 on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 11:28 am:

I went as a sophmore and double dated--actuall it was 4 couples total that went together. I had strict rules (curfew, checking in, etc) but it was the most fun. I would let my daughter go. 16 is old enough, in my opinion.
Good luck!

By Marg on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 11:37 am:

I was in 9th grade and my boyfriend was a senior!

Lol, so different from now a days.

My parents knew his parent, etc.

We doubled dated with his brother (a junior) and his girlfriend (a junior). We had such a great time. I was friends with his brother and girlfriend (very small school). It was probably the best prom I went to!

You need to feel comfortable with the situation. My parents did, that's the only reason they let me go.

They picked me up, took pics at our house, then went back to his parent's house, took pics then went to eat, then went to prom. I had to be back by 11:00. I guess it was a bummer for them. But they all abided by 'my rules' and we had such a good time Sorry to babble, it's a good and fond memory of high school.

By Dawnk777 on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 12:09 pm:

Sarah and her friends didn't go as freshmen, although they could have. Last year, she went with her group of friends. I assume that is what she is planning this year. She is 16 and a junior. She hasn't been on any dates, either. She even said she would wear the same dress she wore last year! I'm not complaining. Then we only have to pay for fancy hair.

I think you should let her go.

Last year, Sarah and her friends went out to eat, went to the dance, and then came home. She didn't go to any kind of post-prom event.

By Amyk on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 12:11 pm:

Did she know about your "no prom" rule? If she did, I think you should be consistant and stick to your guns.

By Janet on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 12:33 pm:

Yes, we've made it clear from the time she entered middle school! LOL Maybe I'm just old-fashioned (we also had a no dating until you're 16 rule, which we never had to enforce, as it turned out). She's gone to homecoming each year with a group of friends, but prom... it just seems like it should be more special, you know?

By Mrsheidi on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 12:38 pm:

I say, if the boys asks, I don't see why not. Except...if the other girl is *seriously* dating her guy and your daughter is just going for fun. Then, she might be "stuck" with a guy she hardly knows and really, it ends up being just the two of them. Girls have been known to ditch the other girl just for a boy. Just because they say they're double dating doesn't exactly mean that the whole night they'll all be together.
I would feel better meeting the boy, personally. Then I would make my decision. JMHO
When we went to the prom, we went in a HUGE group. That was fun!

By Happynerdmom on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 12:53 pm:

If your only reason is that you want her prom to be special, I'd say let her go. Personally, I think proms are WAY over-rated. I think it would be a fun memory for her and her senior friend.

By Tayjar on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 01:00 pm:

I'd let her go. Who knows? Maybe this will be the best prom of her high school days. No guarantees on the next 2. I only had one good prom and that was after going to 5 different ones. I had 2 BFs that went to different schools than I did. My best one was when I went with my best friend to hers.

By Conni on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 02:36 pm:

I had NO interest in going to my prom even as a Senior. ROFL There was a Senior guy that felt the same as me and we were ok with not going. Then one day a mutual friend talked me and this guy into going together so that we didnt regret not going one day. It was so boring and I hated spending the money to be real honest. I do not think I would have ever regretted not going. My point is that I went with a guy and he didnt exactly ask me, we were just friends, etc. By my senior yr I liked a guy that was 23 yo and ended up marrying him later on. But I obviously wasnt going to go to the prom with him .lol

My parents were very old fashioned and strict. However, my Dad did let me go on group dates/double dates when I was 15. At 16 I was then allowed to single date, but with early curfews, etc...

If a girl asked one of my boys to go to prom I think they would probably be thankful they didnt have to ask someone and be rejected! ha

I would probably let my child do this. Half of the sophmores went to prom with older guys when I was in school. You have to do what feels right for you and your family tho!

By Cat on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 03:12 pm:

Ditto Amyk.

By Tink on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 03:19 pm:

I'm in the "stick to your rule" camp.

By Dawnk777 on Monday, January 23, 2006 - 03:38 pm:

I never got to go to Homecoming OR Prom. No one asked me. I knew a couple, who went to Prom, just as friends and it never went anywhere beyond spending that evening together.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 08:03 am:

I'm another exception. I'm thinking 2 months is close enough to 16, and I ditto Happynerdmom, Dawn, Tayjar & Yvonne.

Jen went with her friend Mike to his senior prom - she was 16 and he was 18 at the time. They went with several other couples, and she had a good time. Her own senior prom was awful, because she and the idiot she had been dating broke up the week before and she was miserable. Her friend Amanda went with her, just so she could say she went to her prom. But it wasn't the same as going and actually enjoying it.

I always wished Jen had an interest in Mike, he was always crazy about her, I absolutely adore him, and I've always wished she would end up with him (And still DO wish that!). Hmmmmmmm....I should add that to the *Secrets* thread! LOL

By Kaye on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 08:27 am:

Questions I would think about are these...

Why did you set the rule about not going as an underclassman? Was it a hard fast rule, or what is a generic I don't want my freshman dating a senior so we won't let her go. If it was more circumstance related then it may be worth breaking. As parents I think we have to make rules and stick to our guns, but we also have to reevaluate our rules and make sure they fit the child.

By her asking and you actually taking time to think about it, you are teaching her not, mom's rules aren't meant to be broken. But that mom does make rules to ensure my safety and well being. And quite honestly when you make some rules, you just don't have the whole picture.

As a family we try not to set hard fast rules. We jokingly say, no dating till 20 I do think I will make my dd have her own driver's license before I let her car date. But I really don't know. I do know that right now, it isn't appropriate (she is 12). She has several friends who go on "dates" though. Mom picks up kids and chaperones.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 09:15 am:

"Why did you set the rule about not going as an underclassman? Was it a hard fast rule, or what is a generic I don't want my freshman dating a senior so we won't let her go. If it was more circumstance related then it may be worth breaking. As parents I think we have to make rules and stick to our guns, but we also have to reevaluate our rules and make sure they fit the child.

By her asking and you actually taking time to think about it, you are teaching her not, mom's rules aren't meant to be broken. But that mom does make rules to ensure my safety and well being. And quite honestly when you make some rules, you just don't have the whole picture."

Which just proves that parenting and raising kids has a lot of gray areas, and most things need to be age/child/situation appropriate.

By Janet on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 09:18 am:

Well, as I said, the rule was primarily because we believe that kids are growing up way too fast, and there are some things you just have to wait for. In middle school, they had a nighttime dance in another town, and while many of dd's friends were allowed to go (with boys), we felt this was just something that, as a 6th grader, she didn't need to go to. In 8th grade, she was allowed to go. I need to add that several of our friends with daughters the same age feel as we do, so we're not entirely Fred and Wilma Flintstone here. I don't think I'm conveying my reasons very well. It's not that I don't think she'll have fun or we are being mean and strict. There's a reason it's called the Jr/Sr Prom. It's for juniors and seniors. You wait for some things. You don't see R rated movies when you're 9. You don't go on dates when you're 12. You don't drive a car until you're 16. You wait for sex until you're married (hopefully). Does any of this make sense?

By Breann on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 10:29 am:

I couldn't date until I was 16. That was our rule.

I don't see that it would be a problem for her to go, UNLESS you've already made a rule about it that she is aware of.

By Breann on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 10:30 am:

OK, I just reread your post and see that there is a rule about it in your house. Stick to the rules

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 10:48 am:

In Sheboygan, it isn't called a Jr/Sr prom, though. It's just prom.

By Tayjar on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 10:54 am:

Same here, Dawn. It's just called THS Prom. But, half the town goes to it. Parents and some siblings go early and take pictures and then they end up mingling someplace else in the hotel to chat with one another. After the dance, most of the kids and some parents head to where the afterprom party is being held. The parents rent a place, like a bowling alley or a rec center and have the kids stay there until 5 or so in the morning. It's a pretty fun and safe night for the kids. It's alot different than when I went 20 plus years ago. Quit doing the math. I'm 39, honest.

By Vicki on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 10:58 am:

Well, your right, you do have the choice. This seems to be something you have at least felt strong about in the past. Can I ask you, why are you even considering it? Why didn't you right then and there when she asked you tell her no, she knows the rules?? My reasoning for asking you that is there MUST be some reason you are now questioning it. You right that it does sound like dd and her friend are trying to "wrangle" a date for her just so she could go. Would it make a difference to you if she would have come to you and said that so and so already asked her to go??? Instead of the what if's?? My biggest question to you is why are you now questioning it?? It makes no difference if we all think she should/should not go. We don't live in your house by your rules and values and expectations. I am just really curious as to why your asking for opinions and thinking about changing your mind!!

By Melanie on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 11:06 am:

I say stick to your rule. You have given this a lot of thought and have reasons for making the rule in the first place. You decided on the rule before the issue ever came up so you would know how you would handle it if/when the question was asked. Now it is here and as far as I can see, there has been no solid argument against the reasons you have given.

By Truestori on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 11:45 am:

If she has proven to be a well rounded, responsible teenager, I see no harm in letting her go. I would give her a set time to arrive home, explain that this is a BIG privelege in your house and tell her to have a good time!

By Janet on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 - 12:07 pm:

Thanks for your input--I was just curious about others' opinions!