and I just need to vent, I think.
Connor has been wanting to be held...all of the time. He's heavy though- 31+ lbs. I love holding him but I can't get anything done. I couldn't even get to the phone in time because he wanted me to hold him and put his shoes on. It was Scott, so I missed his call. Grrrr...
And, I haven't been sleeping at night so I'm just so tired. It doesn't help that it's that time of the month.
I just broke down this morning...crying and crying. I miss my husband so much and I can tell my poor booger-bear misses him too.
Connor's been trying to get into *everything* now. He plays with the vcr and tv buttons when he knows he's not supposed to and he's constantly in the dog bowls...icky icky.
I just give up sometimes, you know?

By Amecmom on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 12:25 pm:

Hugs Heidi. You'll get through. If he wants to be held, then hold him. Stuff will get done when it gets done. If you can, put more or a delay on your machine - that'll give you more time to get to the phone.
Hang in and cut yourself some slack.
Ame

By Kateg on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 12:51 pm:

{{{HUGS}}} I second what Ame said. Hang in there. Don't be too rough on yourself right now. Connor needs that extra reassurance from you.

I can't imagine what you're going through, but just take it a day at a time....moment by moment.

{{{HUGS}}}

By Happynerdmom on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 12:56 pm:

((((((HUGS))))) Ditto Ame. I've not been exactly where you are, but I imagine it's just like all grief...you will have moments where you feel overwhelmed, then you will feel like everything's going to be okay. It will get better. It's healthy to have a good cry sometimes, then it's easier to be strong for Connor. You are going to find strength you didn't know you had.
If you have a cordless, you may want to keep it near you so you don't worry about missing his call. Also, if you haven't already, why not start writing your husband letters when you are missing him? You don't even have to send them...it could be a sort of journal that he can read later.
Don't be afraid to lean on those around you, (family and friends) and vent here whenever you need to. (((((more hugs))))

By Debbie on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 01:40 pm:

{{{{hugs}}}} Heidi, it is so hard in the beginning. Dh has been gone during the week and only home on weekends since Sept. It really stinks(I am putting it nicely, so I don't get little red dots on my post), and we still get to see him on the weekends. So, I can't imagine what you are dealing with. My oldest ds is a big Daddy's boy, and it is hard on him. It does get easier. I was depressed the first month, but now that we are into a routine, it is better. Hang in there. Just try and take it a day at a time, that is what we are trying to do.

By Conni on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 01:59 pm:

Heidi, one of my friends dh's was gone to Louisiana (sp?) for 4 mos after the hurricane. He is a claims adjustor and had to go down and help with that. Anyway, she was sad at first and lonely (she has 2 kids and one happens to be pretty difficult!). Then they got into a routine and it got a little easier. Her kids are school /preschool age. So she was getting some time to herself too.

I remember when Blake was an infant and dh would go on these 3 week business trips... It felt like my days would never end. I remember feeling like if I held Blake all day that literally nothing was getting done and it wasnt good. I would suggest that you get some help from someone. Whether its a friend, relative, mothers day out program, or cleaning service.

I am very sorry you are going thru this.

((((HUGS))))

By Trina~moderator on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 02:00 pm:

(((((Heidi, Scott & Connor)))))

By Nicki on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 04:15 pm:

Heidi, I have been thinking about you and Connor so much this week! I wondered how it was going. If I remember right, you don't have family nearby, do you? Sure wish some of us were closer! I would do whatever I could to help you and give you some time to yourself. And I understand the difficulty of Connor wanting to be held a lot. My husband the last few days has had really long days, and not home much. Lara seems to be attached to me, LITERALLY! I love to hold her, but that is all she is wanting. She misses my dh, and wants my constant attention, which is not like her. (She is able to play independently for short periods of time, normally.) Yesterday I hit a spot in the day when I felt panicky, and just needed space! I put on one of her favorite movies, pulled out some of her toys and put them on the floor and escaped to get a shower (alone time!) and even got out on the front porch for some fresh air. And I thought about you and hoped you were okay.

My SIL went through a time when she was home all day with three children, all under five. Her husband works two jobs and was gone early and home very late, with little time off. She was overwhelmed with no time to herself. She found a "mother's helper", a young teenage girl, who loved children and interested in becoming a teacher. She was a lifesaver! My SIL didn't leave the house, although her helper was totally capable of caring for them, even had CPR training. Rather, her helper was to occupy and watch the children so my SIL could attend to other chores, read a book, get a shower. You get the idea. I think she came over daily, after school. The children are now in school, but this teenage girl helped her through a rough time.

Hugs to you, Heidi. I meant to ask, does your husband get any kind of leave to come home for family time? I don't know how the reserves work. You must miss him so very much.

By Cat on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 04:18 pm:

{{{{{Heidi and Connor}}}}} We're here for you.

By Karen~moderator on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 06:46 pm:

Ditto Ame & Kateg. And....

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HEIDI & CONNOR}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 08:01 pm:

{{{{HUGS to both of you}}}}

By Mrsheidi on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 08:29 pm:

Thanks, everyone. I'm absolutely tired right now, but I just wanted to let you know that I read all of these posts...I will post tomorrow with more info.
Thanks for all the hugs too. Huge lift.

By Insaneusmcwife on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 08:38 pm:

{{{hugs}}} I hope you have a better day tomorrow. I too don't get any sleep when my dh is gone so I know how you feel. Try to get some rest.

By Missymelissy on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 09:11 pm:

(((HUGS)))

By Reds9298 on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 09:27 pm:

Thinking of you....

By Mrsheidi on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 10:27 pm:

I talked with DH tonight. He has a way of making me feel better. It was just so nice to hear his voice and hear him tell me that he misses me and loves me.

I don't have family nearby (the nearest relative is 3 1/2 hrs away) but I do have some good friends and neighbors. One even offered to watch Connor once a week for a few hours. She is SO very sweet.
I also get to see Scott in a few weeks!! Woot Woot!!

Thanks for "listening" everyone. You guys are the best of the best!!!

By Mrsheidi on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 10:29 pm:

PS- It's nice to hear those stories too...it doesn't make me feel so insane. Thanks so much for taking the time to offer comfort...it really means the world!!!

By Andi on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 11:14 pm:

So glad you talked to him today, that must have made you feel great! Did Connor get to talk to him?

By Tink on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 11:46 pm:

I'm so happy that you got to talk to your dh. My heart hurts for you, Heidi, and I'm so proud of you and your dh for sacrificing your family's time together for all of us. {{{Heidi, Scott and Connor}}}

By Kernkate on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 11:52 pm:

{{{Heidi}}} We are all here for you and Connor

By Beth on Friday, January 20, 2006 - 07:33 am:

I hope the time will fly until you get to see each other again. I will continue to pray for you.

By Mrsheidi on Friday, January 20, 2006 - 11:39 am:

Thanks you guys! Andi, Connor did get to talk to him. His eyes LIT UP like I've never seen before. It was really neat to see.
I have a picture of all of us from Christmas last year and he always points and says, "Dadda!"
Thanks for all the prayers and words on here...I read them over and over...{{HUGS BACK}}

By Rayanne on Friday, January 20, 2006 - 12:19 pm:

{{{{{{{{{{HEIDI}}}}}}}}}}
I want you to know that I say a prayer every night for the safe return of your DH. I hope that the time flies by. We are all here for you hun.

By Karen~moderator on Friday, January 20, 2006 - 12:29 pm:

Hopefully you will get to talk to him fairly often, that will help!!!!!! That's really sweet of your friend to offer to watch Connor for you. It will probably do you a world of good to have a few hours to yourself, *just* for you. Treat yourself to something, a manicure, a movie, SOMEthing, to lessen the stress you are under.