This is something I have thought about alot, and something I have read about on other message boards.
Of course I have to post Anon because I would be so embarassed if I posted my name.
How long does sex last in your house? I mean from foreplay to the end?
In our house, it is a very quick event. Not because we are trying for quickies but because we both get satisfied very easily. I always joke with my husband that he is lucky Im not one of those ladies who likes it to last all night long(hehe)
Any of you have short sessions and find it just as satisfying as if it last a couple of hours? And do people really have sex for hours and hours anymore?
Hmmm I remember being single and messing around in bed with longtime boyfriends for hours and hours(this was when I was in my early 20's). I remember how fun it was, but now I could not imagine that. I mean with kids and all, sleep seems much more important to me.

By Insaneusmcwife on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 09:10 am:

ummm...I guess it varies. It depends on how much time we have, If we have to get up early or not and whether or not we have someone knocking at the door.

By Happynerdmom on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 09:24 am:

Your sex life sounds similar to mine, anon! We have a great sex life, imo, meaning that we thoroughly enjoy it, it is varied, and it is mutually satisfying. However, we are also fairly quickly satisfied, and for us, the days of "hours and hours" are about 20 years past! We did have a wonderful weekend away a few months ago to a bed and breakfast where we had our own private cottage with a hot tub on a private deck...very fun and romantic!! Much more time spent, lol!

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 10:43 am:

Okay, I've decided to go anonymous on here not because I don't feel comfortable with you guys, but because I put a lot of info in this post and God forbid should someone that knows hubby happen upon this sight! LOL! By the way, I "luv" the number 29... hehe! And nooooo, I don't mean 69. Blah, yuck! Can't get into that!

I'm not that into foreplay as in right before the act doing this and that before the actual act of sex. BUT, I am into flirting all day long, or an occasional kiss on my neck or a whisper in my ear, etc. while passing throughout the day. This is my idea of foreplay. Keeps me thinking about what's to come later on that night. I guess because of our comfort level and such, we start out by joking around or teasing the other, and then he makes a couple of little joking comments, I do, and the next thing I know, we're getting ready to have sex.

And no, we don't last and last. Less than an hour. Always. But he always waits for me to finish first, and then he does. Sometimes I set him off, and we finish together. Neither of us are into marathon sex, and/or multiple times in the night.

I have to say, we have worked on things the past couple of years. I am a very difficult person to "finish" and for several years, I just never did. I can't without outside stimulation. It wasn't my husband's fault. He knew I couldn't "finish" and that I didn't want to go and go trying to reach a result that we just couldn't, so we'd stop after he did. Finally, we reached the comfort in our marriage and he kept trying to insist that I use something to help with us during sex, like I did on my own. So finally I gave in to a quiet toy, and he always waits until I am finished, and I almost always do now. It is so much more fulfilling now, and I look forward to it much more. I feel like I finally know what it's supposed to feel like.

Guess this is more info than you asked for, but I think that as long as you and your hubby are satisfied with everything, don't worry about whether it "measures up" (hehe, no pun intended!) to everyone else.

By Boxzgrl on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 11:22 am:

On average about 15-20 minutes. The only time we've EVER lasted "hours" like people claim is when we were dating, before DD and with a ton of alcohol in our system. Someone actually just brought this subject up on another board and I would say 80% of them said between 10-20 minutes. Oh, and we tend to skip the foreplay. Our atleast it's very minimal.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 11:37 am:

DH and I do enjoy foreplay but it doesn't last as long as it used to. I'd say that most "sessions" are over in 30 minutes but an hour isn't unusual. I'm not easily satisfied so sometimes that gets taken care of later. I think we're both pretty satisfied with how long it lasts and how we feel afterwards. Going anon but I like a certain Disney pixie!

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 11:48 am:

Foreplay is a big deal in our sex life. We both LOVE it and I can't imagine just having intercourse without all that fun and emotional satisfaction as well. We don't have "hours and hours" of sex...I'm not sure we ever did actually. But we will have sex multiple times a day without giving it a second thought. I would guess that a sex session lasts about 30 min. or so. I always feel like that's marathon sex, but that's just me. I'm a multiple girl, easily pleasured, and DH always takes care of me first. From the first physical interaction we ever had he has always been so sensitive and made me the priority. I'm very spoiled that way! Our sex life is VERY satisfying and we talk about it often...what we like, don't like, things to try, etc. We have always clicked in the bedroom, always. It's a wonderful part of our marriage, both physically and emotionally.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 11:54 am:

I would say about 15-20 minutes, is normal and enough time for us both to be quite satisfied! Hmmm, today, he had been downstairs by his computer, came back up by me and laid next to me. Unfortunately, he was about to go somewhere, because just him laying next to me, touching, was turning me on! We may not do it all that often, but it is definitely worth it, when we do! I don't think we have ever made move, for hours and hours!

By Juli4 on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 12:06 pm:

The hours and hours thing is not the norm. normally it is 20 minutes from foreplay to finish. We are satisfied. I have learned to have an orgasm now and it is much more fun. Before when we were first married I didn't have one, so I always felt like I could go forever. I still have the higher sex drive in the relationship, but we are most satisfied.

By Crystal915 on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 12:20 pm:

About a half an hour, start to finish. We occasionally have longer sessions, but not often. And, we're in our 20s, and married for a year, so it's not an age thing or a newlywed thing, really. I think people get into the mindset that sex should be this tantric, all day event. It helps to be playful during the day, but who has time for marathon sessions?

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 12:41 pm:

*Explicit*
How many times a week do you have sex? My husband and I do about 2X a week which is NEVER enough for him and too much for me! I'm attracted to my husband and in the beginning of course we had sex more often but I rarely want to have sex with him anymore and don't know why. I feel like it is just one more chore to add to my list. I don't even like to kiss him anymore because I know if I do he will just want more. He watches sex videos about 4 times a week and I don't know if that really has an emotional effect on me or not. Sometimes I feel like he wants me to perform like the girls in the videos and I'm just not that way. I feel used when we have sex and that our sex is not because of love but because he has some animal like urge for me to fill. I'm glad this post came up because I don't even know what is realistic anymore or if I'm doing too little or he just wants too much.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 02:23 pm:

It depends on the moods we're in. We've been TTC (taking a break this month, but y'all still prob know who I am) so we have been like rabbits during the fertile periods, then having dry spells the rest of the month. Honestly, 2X a week is pretty good, IMO. We went through a time where he was pressuring me all the time, which made me not want it, and it was a HUGE conflict. There were other circumstances affecting it, too... and since discussing those, and getting help in a couple areas we've been better. This is going to sounds bizarre, but he was DXed with OCD, after going to the doctor because he was obsessed with sex. He has other OCD traits so I'm not saying this was the ONLY factor, but the doc said it's common for men with it to be obsessed with sex because it's something they want to control. Since going on meds he has been much better, he'll even say that he's not constantly thinking about it, it's not taking over his brain at all times. So, I think it's normal for men to want sex more, but sometimes there really are issues there, and TALKING about them is key. I had to tell DH that it really hurt my feelings and made me feel used when he was constantly pushing the issue, it made me feel disrespected if he'd badger me all the time. Me telling him how it was affecting me emotionally made him realize there was really a problem, and together we figured out the best way to handle it.

By Truestori on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 02:49 pm:

Hmmm, I wonder if ALL men have OCD?? LOL

For us it depends on the amount of time we have. If the kids aren't home it can consume a longer period of time, if were tired then its usually 30 minutes or so.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 03:48 pm:

LOL Stori!! I can honestly say my DH has many OCD traits, I was just surprised that particular one was related to the disorder. Learn something new, huh?

By Reds9298 on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 03:51 pm:

Dawnk - LOL about him laying next to you. It's the kissing that gets me. When DH kisses me with full attention on the kiss and puts his hand under my jaw.....I'm so gone! It takes very little to get me in the mood. LOL He's such a great kisser.

I think the 'hours and hours' idea is not the norm either. That's from a romance novel IMO.

By Robin on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 03:58 pm:

Our sex used to be days and days - forget about the hours! I would see my dh and just have to have sex. He used to tell his friends that he would run away. Now, it is my turn to laugh. He should have enjoyed it while it lasted. Now, we have it whenever - sometime weeks more than others. Our sex these days lasts longer when the kids are not home or definitely asleep. We are constantly finding new ways to express ourselves without being kinky. I'd say on average it lasts 30 to 40 minutes.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 04:18 pm:

We actually have done the deed for hours and hours - but that was years ago, before he moved here permanently, and it's not likely to happen again! LOL

Unfortunately the older you get, the frequency is less, or so it seems. But, on the other hand, the quality is better, so I'll take that with a smile on my face!

Deanna, I'm with you on the kissing thing!

I can honestly say, at our (mine and DH's) *advanced* ages (LOL), we are often too tired to attempt sex, and then the other thing is, if you are having pain (arthritis, or back pain or whatever), if you're having a bad pain day, sex is out of the question, and then if you've taken pain relievers, sex becomes out of the question because you can't *finish*.....if you KWIM.

Overall though, when we do, we probably spend a good hour from start to finish. And usually in the afternoon - on a weekend - ROFL But - we don't have young kids in the house, and we have that luxury.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 04:31 pm:

Ours varies quite a bit. Some days it is less that 10 minutes, other days we do still have sex hours and hours. I would say we average about an hour.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 05:01 pm:

That's what I do like, about DH working second shift. The kids aren't home, in the morning!

By Cocoabutter on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 07:19 pm:

45 min-1 hour usually. Foreplay doesn't take that long cuz dh isn't good at it, so I have more fun during.

By Pamt on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 08:02 pm:

15 minutes? That would be a quickie for us. Usually between 30 min-1 hour which includes fore, during, and afterplay. Can't forget that cuddle and talking time at then end. And our kids are home on Saturday mornings, but that's why XBox was invented.

By Missbookworm on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 08:24 pm:

15 minutes is a quickie for us too.

I'd say we are at least one hour not including cuddling time afterwards. Sometimes it's more than that but very rarely less than that. Do I mention all the "interesting" places we have it when the kids aren't home or when we're not at home? lol

We spend a lot of time on foreplay. He's good at it and from what I hear I'm good at it too.

The only time we have quickies are if the little ones are still awake. I agree Pam that's what video games were invented for and locks on bedroom doors. lol

I soo want to go anon cause I'm blushing but I won't.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 08:59 pm:

If you count time just laying together afterwards, then it would be longer than 15-20 minutes! LOL! Sometimes we both fall asleep! LOL!

Currently, he isn't stressed about work, or sick, so he's been a little more interested! I think I'm more interested than he is, most of the time!

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 12:46 am:

DH and I have been together/sexually active for 18 years. Our sex life is better today than it has ever been. We know each other on a level that means that everything varies now. We talked away all those hidden stresses/worries that most couples have with and about each other that cause sexual pressure years ago. Because of those talks we are both accepting of our own faults, I am not a super model/sex star but I am who I am and he loves me and wants to satisfy me scars and all.. Some times we are together for an hour plus and other times it takes less than 10 minutes. It all depends on what we as a couple are needing in that particular moment. If the mood/need is there it could mean hours of us connecting physically (snuggling/fore play). Or if a quick release is needed then that is all good too. We are physically and sexually playful all day long, we always have been a very physical couple.. I think this amplifies our sex life and makes the quickies so fulfilling... Because we have teased and backed off of each other for hours before we actually have sex. One thing I have noticed about us.. we have longer sex if our playing is limited during the day (one of us is gone, people around we can't/won't play in front of etc)and that playing doesn't happen we have a tendency to take longer when we do set out to have sex. We basically take all that contact we would normally have all day and squeeze it into an hour or so of enjoying each other. But on a normal day we don't need (physically) that long to connect.

I do not think there is any right or wrong amount of time/frequency for sex. I think that it depends on the couple and their needs. Setting a limit only means you will not achieve what you perceive as the "norm". Normal for me may not be/won't be/can't be normal for someone else.. We all need a different level of involvement to achieve that fulfillment in everything in our lives. Everything, means just that, everything. Our marriages, our children, our jobs, our lives in general all require different levels for us to be left feeling successful and complete at different times in our lives. None of us are right or wrong, we are all just living and learning the best way we can... No one has the key to life's fulfillment. So our sexuality/needs are just as individual as we are. So comparing our libidos (although common practice for men and women both) is like comparing apples and oranges..

I think/am of the opinion, that most sexual issues/issues in general occur with a couple because they are not truly trusting of each other. The walls we put up to protect ourselves from outsiders/pain can't be left up in our marriages or our marriage never reaches its full potential. We can't make that connection hiding behind the walls. So sex isn't fulfilling because we don't allow ourselves to be fulfilled. Damage done in childhood (parental input, religious impressions, assaults on us as children), previous adult relationships, often carry over and ruin what could be an amazing sex life and marriage for a lot of people.

Sex has healing properties. It gives not only a sexual release but it also gives and emotional release. It has physiological benefits that make us physically healthier. Not to mention, in that moment of letting go and "playing", we are connecting in a level that only a couple can.. and I am not just talking sex, I am talking emotionally. Which as humans is what we need, emotional connection....

The whole timed contact doesn't mean a thing to me but that not connecting makes me sad for that couple. It has to be painful on some level not to feel that connection. Personally that connection and the physical contact between DH and I have not only brought me pleasure but they have also gotten me through a lot of emotionally trying times.. He is my release.. And without that connection sex doesn't have the same affect..

Boy am I long winded tonight... SRY!!

By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 07:36 am:

Type away, Bobbie!

Sex isn't just about the orgasm, it's about the emotional intimacy......

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 07:38 am:

I know it helps me feel more connected to him. I think that is what brings us back together, when we have a dry spell. We both just need that connection.