I know that comfort levels with affection differ between individuals, families, and also geographically. The south is a VERY huggy region. My family is not very physically affectionate, DH's is very affectionate, so I have grown in this area but will never be as touchy-feely as my DH. I hug good friends easily and sometimes have to grin and bear hugging acquaintances as is the norm here. I will hug my friends and their DHs although I try to do a side hug with other men. My DH does the same with other women. However, we have this one couple that we are pretty good friends with and the past 2 times we have run into them in social settings the husband has given me a peck on the cheek. I'm not a total cold fish and I'm sure he means nothing by it, but it kind of creeps me out. I don't know if my DH has noticed (because he's usually hugging the wife at the same time--LOL), but I've been meaning to ask if it bothers him or I'm just being weird. Do you have any kissy friends? Does it bother you?

By Crystal915 on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 12:35 am:

I am odd, I don't mind hugging or cheek kisses, but it has to be with someone I feel entirely comfortable with. A friend of mine who is Puerto Rican was raised to be very affectionate, and will hug and kiss anyone, and it doesn't bother me. She also says "I love you" when we're hanging up the phone. Sometimes I feel weird about it, because verbal affection is actually more difficult for me. I would say that if it's a close friend, and it doesn't bother DH, you should try to take it in stride. If it really makes you uncomfortable, you could say something to his wife, or have DH say something to him, but lightheartedly. (Is that a word?? LOL) BTW, is it an "air kiss"? That makes a difference in my book.

By Dawnk777 on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 12:40 am:

My family is not very "huggy!" Gary's family is! When we leave, like after Christmas, I got a hug, from nearly everybody, including my nephew and my BIL! Nobody kisses, though. I think the kiss is almost going a little too far, though.

I don't mind the hugs, though. When we do the sign of peace at church, some people shake hands and the people I'm close to, usually give me a hug!

By Kaye on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 12:45 am:

LOL Pam, hubby and I have had this conversation more than once. His family is the huggy, touchy type, mine is not (or was not). His grandmother and sm kiss me...I hate it. I have learned to deal with it. BUT my tennis coach gave me a hug at the Christmas party (the whole team, and he was hugging everyone), but he kissed and hugged, it just creeped me out. Really I know that it isn't a big deal, but yep, not really my cup of tea.

Anyway, no advice, I just get what you are saying!

By Jackie on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 07:30 am:

This is an interesting topic. My side of the family isnt very huggy, they are Kissy, if that makes sense. I remember growing up, having reletives come and give me a sort of half hug and kiss on the cheek. My husbands side of the family is huggy. Im not really confortable with any of it. I hug my kids all the time. But, other then my own kids, Im not a huggy person. I have hugged friends in certain situations, loss of grandparent, loss of pet, when they are seemingly upset. Im just not one to run up to people and hug them.Over the years, Ive had good friends who always hug when they see me, and thats ok. I guess Im just a "Selective hugger" LOL

By Karen~moderator on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 07:45 am:

Pam, after living in the New Orleans area for almost 40 years, and being a fairly demonstrative person myself, I am *still* not comfortable with the *peck on the cheek* from certain friends or all aquaintances and people I work with.

I do the *side hug* like you do. And I actually cringe when certain people try to hug me. And when certain people give me the cheek kiss I usually am at the point where I am pulling away. LOL

I hug or kiss family and close friends, no problem there, because I really *feel* the hug, it's a genuine hug, or kiss on the cheek.

But when people I'm not close to, don't know well, am not *that* comfortable with, just met or just plain don't care for hug me as a greeting, I cringe. Sometimes I try to back off, sometimes it works, others it doesn't.

You are right though, it's a lot more prevalent down here, than in a lot of other places.

By Reds9298 on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 07:50 am:

I would say my family and I are very huggy and affectionate, DH's is not, but he is. He has grown pretty affectionate over the years. I guess my touchy-feely-ness has rubbed off on him. I don't mind hugs and touching at all really, but recently my BIL has started kissing me on the cheek and I don't really like that. Not sure why, because I really like my BIL, just is a little weird. Sometimes now my MIL will kiss me on the cheek and I don't like that either.

In my immediate family (siblings and parents) you always kiss on the mouth, no cheek stuff. I still kiss my Dad smack on the mouth when he leaves my house or if I'm leaving him in public. After my dad had open heart surgery a few years ago, he would come to my school after work so he could walk with me. I always kissed him when he left and my co-worker could never understand this.

So after rambling, I'm big on affection and DH is about one-step below me on the affection scale.

By Groovepickle on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 08:09 am:

We're a huggie family but not a kissing family. I'm guessing you friend just feels comfortable with kissing. If he tries the lips though beware!! I have some friends from Serbia-sp and they ALWAYS kiss on the cheek, girl or boy it doesn't matter. At first I found it odd, but then decided it's just their culture.

By Conni on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 08:10 am:

I dont come from a super huggy/kissy family. Dh doesnt either really.

My comment is about our trip to Argentina last Spring. Everyone that dh was working with there that came to the hotel to pick us up for dinner that I had never met or seen before in my life would hug me very warmly and give me a peck on both my cheeks. The first time I had actually stuck my hand out to shake hands when being introduced!!! ROFL The man grabbed me hugged and kissed and I know my chin had to have hit the ground. I felt so stupid. After I got the hang of it, it didnt bother me. It just made me realize that diff cultures are diff and a hug and a peck are really not a big deal. Dh said it was kind of wierd to see strange men kissing his wife. lol But he was joking.

Dh traveled on to Brazil from there and he said they were the same way. Hugs and pecks on both cheeks at WORK. lol We really like seeing how diff other places are.

I am also not a real fake person. One of those that goes 'OOHHHHH ITs SOOOO GOODD TOOO SEEE YOOUUUU', etc... My sister is this way. I am more laid back or reserve 'It's good to see you' or 'Hey, How's it goin?' lol

In my ex dh family he had aunts that ALWAYS hugged very warmly and kissed on the mouth. That I can do without, thanks... lol

By Vicki on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 08:15 am:

In my opinion, anything that makes you feel uncomfortable is not ok. Just as we teach that to our kids, the same should be true for us!! If it bothers you, you have every right to speak up for yourself and ask him not to do it!!

By Beth on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 08:34 am:

I wouldn't like it either. But I don't know that I would say anything. If you only see them once in a while and they are good friends. Unless you think he means something buy it. I have a friend who is from Mexico that I became friends with in the last year. The first time she kissed my cheek I was like what the heck. I am still not comfortable with it but at least ready for it. I am a side hugger also.

By Pamt on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 09:16 am:

Thanks guys! Glad to know that I'm not totally weird. I don't think it's worth saying anything though. That would be much more awkward. I know he doesn't mean anything by it and I'll just deal with it on the rare occasions that it happens.

By Marcia on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 09:39 am:

My family is very huggy and kissy. Even my brothers always kissed my dad good bye when leaving. They never felt awkward about it, even in public. Hubby's family is the same way.
I live in a very Italian/Portuguese area, and it's normal to be greeted with a kiss on each cheek.
I don't feel the need to hug everyone I see, but do love the comfort of a nice hug from a good friend.

By Tayjar on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 11:39 am:

This is off topic a little but oh, man. This brings back vivid memories. I come from a family that isn't very huggy or kissy. My DH had an aunt who loved to hug and give you a big kiss on the lips when she would see you. Aunt Lips is what we called her.

One Christmas, my SIL and I saw her coming. We were in different parts of the house but ended up in the same bathroom and hid in the shower together with a plate of appetizers. Her greetings took awhile in a house of 40 people.

We left our poor kids out there to suffer the wrath. I'll never forget my DS face when I finally saw him. He had full mouth hot pink lip marks on his whole face. He must have been the first kid she saw coming through the door. After that, he would hide under the bed until she was done with her greetings.

By Juli4 on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 12:12 pm:

That is funny Tayjar
I would be taken back by the kisses and hugs, but I would easily adapt and if you don't have to see them all the time then it would be easier to put up with it when you have to.

By Brandy on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 02:07 pm:

I would say neither family is very kissy huggy here lol my mom and dad i say i love you too and my grandma i will give her a kiss on the forehead and tell her i love her..Danny's side nothing like that except for when someone passes away we will hug or get's married on our side too either way we will hug.I give my boys lovins all the times usually on the cheek = )and hugs too..my mom and dad will kiss the boys on the cheek and hug them too but not my husbands side.

By Bea on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 04:32 pm:

I'm a hugger BIGTIME I really believe in the power of touch. I believe in snuggling babies, petting animals, hugging people, touching an arm for emphasis, grabbing the hand of a troubled friend or acquaintance. I'm from the (Yankee North) and now live in the (Almost South). This comes from where I am inside, not where I reside. If the hug ... or kiss comes from a genuine expression of caring I'm 100% for it. I despise air hugs & kisses. Do it right or forget it.

By Karen~moderator on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 04:36 pm:

If the hug ... or kiss comes from a genuine expression of caring I'm 100% for it.

That's the bottom line right there..........

By Amecmom on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 07:53 pm:

Boy, Pam, you're lucky you're not Italian. They you'd be getting kissed twice! Once on each cheek!

I, personally am a physically affectionate person. It has a lot to do with what is culturally expected/accepted in your background.

There was just an article in The Week that touched on this topic.

Ame

By Agreen on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 08:29 pm:

Ame- you are right about being Italian! LOL As good Italian children, we were taught to say hello and goodbye to all my relatives with a kiss on the cheek. (no lips here ) My family is very huggy and kissy though, and so is DH's family. But i dont go around kissing everyone I meet with that greeting. (sometimes a kiss in the air with a hug) As many of you have said, it is given to family and good friends with true affection.

And there is nothing like kissing my sweet baby's cheeks!! and getting a kiss and a hug back from her, Makes me melt!

By Dawnk777 on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 08:41 pm:

Oh yeah, there's nothing like a sweet baby kiss! Or a nice pat on the back! sometimes my kids patted me on the back, like I did to them!

By Bellajoe on Monday, January 9, 2006 - 10:27 pm:

The hug and peck on the cheek does not bother me, unless of course i barely know the person. My friends from high school come over with their husbands and we always give quick hugs hello and good bye. The dh;s usually give me a peck on the cheek during the hug, it's no big deal and i am not sure in my dh gives the other girls pecks on the cheek (because i am usually hugging the other man at the same time ) but it would not bother me at all.

I married into an Italian family. We do not do the double kiss thing, except for with cousins who visit from italy, they still do that. We usually shake hands and lean over and peck on the cheek...i do an air kiss because i really don't know my dh's side of the family well, except for my inlaws of course. And i don't want to be kissing people cheeks that i barely know! I agree with Bea, i dislike air hugs and kisses but i do it because that is what dh's family does. When my inlaws half hug and give me an air kiss, i am thinking "why do they even bother?" It's weird but with all that said, they are not at all huggy affectionate people!

My side of the family are huggers and they give real hugs. We are not kissers though. Except of course when it comes to the kids

By Nicki on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 12:21 am:

Okay, I know what an air kiss is, but what is an air hug?

And do you notice some people really hug tightly, and others are more gentle? There are so many types of hugs. I tend to hug gently, because I just approach people and life in that way. Yet if I'm really feeling confident about the friendship, and close to someone, I tend to give a bit more of a hug. Especially if we've had a heart to heart talk or have gone through something together. For me it depends on the person and the situation.

I'm with you, Pam. A kiss on the cheek would catch me off guard. But it doesn't take much to do that to me!