You would think he would know better geesh he is 11 after all but he's decided it's fun to be sassy i guess...

By Melanie on Monday, December 19, 2005 - 03:17 pm:

Boy, that's really sad for him. After all, he does depend on you to drive him to so many fun activities and to pay for all sorts of treats and such. What a bummer if his attitude drained you of all your energy and you suddenly found you lacked energy to do all these special things...

;)

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, December 19, 2005 - 04:25 pm:

You are not allowed to speak to your mother or any other adult that way, and there will be consequences if you do, such as (a) for the first time in any day, (b) for the second time - and so on.

I will say, my middle son, Greg, decided to smartmouth me in front of his Senior High Sunday School friends, in the coffee hour at church. Having three fairly bright chldren, I had learned to be a fast thinker. I stepped up to him, took hold of his ear (and he was about 8 inches taller than me), and said "OK, GREGGY, we are going home, NOW", and that's what happened. First and last time he smartmouthed me. (There are times when it is appropriate to humiliate your child in a public setting, and imo that was one of them, turnabout being more or less fair play.)

By Brandy on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 12:55 am:

I guess i could make him stay out of his after school activity he has on mondays already over this week of course but it hurts me as much as it does him if not more if he misses something he loves so much lol = ( = ) ...thanks for the suggestions = ) i do tell the boys they will have respect for me though...= ) and usually they are okay with that other days not so much..

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 04:07 am:

The after school activity, a TV program, if necessary, a portion of his allowance, a half hour in his room IF there are no toys, TV or CD player or computer in his room - if there are, another room. Brandy, you really have to get on top of this. And you need more than one punishment, or he has a free ride after you take away the after-school activity because you haven't promised any other punishment.

It is a sign of disrespect, and really, before very long he is going to be taller than you. You need to establish that you are the parent and you WILL be treated with respect, so that he understands now and will understand then that "taller" is not, in his case vis-a-vis you, "bigger". If you don't deal with it now, what other kinds of disrespect will you tolerate later? If I sound strong about this, I am. All of the rest of parent/child relationships and interactions rest on respect and respectful behavior. If a child can show disrespect by sassing (I assume you mean answering back or smartmouthing), can he get away with not doing something he is told to do? Or doing something he is told to not do? Or by not coming home when he is supposed to? You know the steps as well as the rest of us, and I really do urge you to nip this disrespect in the bud.

Of course it's fun to be sassy. He is getting away with something he knows he shouldn't be doing, and that is fun. But he knows he shouldn't be doing it, as well as you do. And if he can get away with one thing he knows he shouldn't be doing, what else can he get away with and how long before he tries?

Of course it hurts you. No parent *likes* to punish a child. And, when you punish your child you have to live with the sulks, nasty looks, sighs, tears, promises of "I'll never do it again", and all the rest. Parenting is hard work and has a lot of this kind of thing built into it - which is why we say "this hurts me as much as it hurts you" and it's often true, and why it is much, much easier to not discipline a child in the short run. But in the long run, you hurt the child by not disciplining and set yourself and your child up, potentially, for a lot more hurt in the future.

By Melanie on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 07:00 am:

Brandy, of course it's hard! But I would be willing to bet that you will have to do it once and only once. Just be careful with your delivery as you are telling him he's going to miss an activity. Use a tone of voice that shows him you are truly sad for him for creating this situation, not an angry, punitive tone. If you are sad and sympathetic with him, he will be in thinking mode and more able to admit to himself that he brought it on. If you use an angry "I'm taking this away from you because I can" tone he will be very angry with you and not thinking at all about how he could handle himself differently. You need to talk very little (NO lectures!) and let the consequence do the teaching.

Good luck!!

By Conni on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 07:32 am:

Brandy, both my boys went thru similar moments during the pre-teen yrs. Brad was hormonal and emotional (cried alot when mad). Brandon was mouthy and argumentative. Now 13.5 he has really gotten passed alot of that. Its so nice to talk with him now!


Now if I can just get that spoiled 5.5 yo over the hump... heehee

Dont forget this time of yr is tough too- they are so ready to be out of school. Sometimes when my kids are acting like this I stop them and say 'What's REALLY bothering you?' I know its not me asking them to put laundry away- thats usually not a big deal. Sometimes I find out they failed a test or they are starting to not feel well, or a friend picked on them on the school bus.... interesting what you can find out by talking to them and helping them sort thru their emotions.