Well I will start at the begining, my oldest daughter (18) moved out a few weeks back into my parents cabin which is a stones throw from my parents house. My daughter is just starting to get work now, and we were a bit nervous about her being able to afford rent, so in order to help her out with gas and extra money I gave her my bottles.She is a ( casual) so you never know when you will get called, anyway I called my parents up thinking my daughter would be over their having coffee , I just wanted her to come and get the bottles as they were piling up if she still wanted them, so of course I had to explain to my dad what I wanted to talk to her about ( he asked) and this is the response I got. No she does not need your bottles, won't you need them? "Don't worry about her she will do fine you just worry about your own bills! " ( It is also one of thoses things were the tone of voice is almost worse that what was said )which makes me upset she is my daughter, and she just moved out. He thinks it is fine for him to question her over and over about work and money etc.. but I am not suppose to try
to help her out. Basically I was told to mind my own business . My daughter is really upset because my dad does not realize that yes she has had a couple of shifts but she does have to put gas in the car, and eat, so he is stressing her out. I gave her my advice do not talk to him about her finaces,and if he starts to grill her, just get up and make some excuse and leave.
Oh after he made that speech, I said to him, ok I want to say something if she is ever late on her rent or can not make the rent do not come whinning to me!! he said I won't.
My mom just said dad was right that she had to fly on her own. Now I just wish mom and dad would take their own advice and let me fly on my own, and stop getting into my finances, easier said than done.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, December 14, 2005 - 10:36 pm:

I do think your dad is out of line, on meddling between you and dd, questioning dd about her finances or anything else, and talking to you about your finances. A lesson from this is to not try to reach dd at your parents' home. I suggest if you want to help dd out, make sure she has a cell phone and pay for the cell phone service so that you can always reach her and she can always reach you.

And I agree, 18 is a bit young to fly on her own. I am guessing she moved into the grandparents' cabin because the rent is cheaper and she is near family, and it sounds like that is not going to work out really well for her.

As for grandpa questioning dd about her finances, can she say somethink like, "Respectfully, granddad, unless I am late on the rent, I don't think that is any of your business. As grandmom said to my mom, I have to fly on my own now, and that is what I am trying to do." I don't think making some excuse is going to work - I think she is going to have to say, right out, respectfully, that she is not going to answer his questions about her finances. (And I suggest that you say something similar to your parents when they ask you about your finances.) The only time a parent (or grandparent) has any right to ask anything about a grown child's (or grandchild's) finances is if they are asked for financial help. Otherwise, it is none of their business. Or, as seems to be the case in your situation, if your child voluntarily raises the subject with you.

By Mrse on Wednesday, December 14, 2005 - 10:50 pm:

HI Ginny, yes the rent includes everything so it is a good deal for a single person. It was also kind of a rush because the previous renters just moved out and when the cabin gets rented it is usually rented for long periods of times theses last people were in thier for 14 years. In trying to get a place to live we found out that you need references, from previous places rented, so this is another way to be able to get a reference, when she does want to move closer to town. I have told my dad that finance talk was off limits, he does need alot of reminding. dh and I aquired a lump of money recently, and dh bought a truck, and we were buying a few things and dad heard about the truck etc.. and my sister said he questioned her where the money came from and she just said she did not know. My sister said it was just eating him up inside, he held off for about four days, then when I was up having coffee with them, he had been outside and he came straight in and said ok where did you get the money, ha ha. without even sitting down, he is so nosy.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, December 14, 2005 - 11:02 pm:

Sounds like typical family drama.. I agree with Ginny.. She needs to be respectful yet blunt..

By Mrse on Thursday, December 15, 2005 - 01:01 am:

I think so too, it does hurt his feelings as I have been blunt in the past but at least he leaves you alone for a while.