I have very low self-esteem. I rely on my dh and others for how I feel about myself, but I know that's not good. Does anyone know of any good books out there that could help? Every constructive comment I end up taking to heart and beating myself up about it.
I appreciate any suggestions.

By Boxzgrl on Monday, December 12, 2005 - 08:56 pm:

Dr. Phil's "Self Matters". I havn't read it but Dr. Phil always has great words of advice.

By Emily7 on Monday, December 12, 2005 - 09:19 pm:

I understand how you feel Anon, I do the same thing myself.
I will have to read that book Melissa because Dr. Phil does give great words of advice.

By Jewlz on Monday, December 12, 2005 - 11:10 pm:

im glad u asked about this. I am looking for alist of words that are all positive and make u think about what this meaning is to You in in Your life ... I want to suggest to my curves to have painted on the ceiling tiles as we work out.

By Conni on Tuesday, December 13, 2005 - 10:23 am:

Wow- I could have posted this. However, I have a question for you...

Are you a full time SAHM? Because if so (and I am a sahm) your dh does play a bit of a role in how you feel !!!!!! Dont discount that. You dont go to a job where you get complimented by co-workers on your new haircut, new suit, etc... You dont get patted on the back when you complete a project by the deadline. You dont get raises nor do you get an eval at the end of the yr and get told what a great job you are doing. These are the things I have been telling my husband lately. I told him that by him ignoring me on Mothers Day, I see that as a slap in the face. I am a full time Mom. Thats my job... That seems like the day of the yr that someone would pat me on the back and thank me for a job well done.

I heard a husband talking about this at church. He said that he didnt realize that sahm's really do need their husbands to boost them up some... He had heard a talk radio show about this and was enlightened.

As for beating yourself up. I have done this. You just need to be aware of it and dont do it. We are harder on ourselves than anyone else. Dont be so hard on yourself.

I'll be interested to see the books people suggest. ;)

By Anonymous on Tuesday, December 13, 2005 - 11:37 am:

My dh is really wonderful to me, but he can't compliment me every minute. He acknowledges just about everything I do and I the same for him, but any little thing that's not said I start to over-think and then put myself down. Even if it's a little thing, it can turn into a big thing for me. I don't know why I've gotten this way, really. I've always been an outgoing, confident person until the last few years. I'm a SAHM with beautiful children, a really wonderful husband, and a comfortable life. I have outside activities, work very part-time, have a professional life to go back to in a few years,and feel very fulfilled.I just know that how I feel about myself needs to come from within.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, December 13, 2005 - 12:43 pm:

I just know that how I feel about myself needs to come from within.

Has something happened in the last few years to make you feel insecure about yourself?? You said I've always been an outgoing, confident person until the last few years. Did this start when you married your DH? Self esteem can be a very fragile thing. One of the hardest things for many people - particularly girls/women - to learn is to not depend on someone else, as in a spouse, for your sense of self-worth. As you said, it does come from within yourself.

Realize the positive things about yourself. You've listed quite a few. I've never read any of Dr. Phil's books, but have heard about them. It can't hurt to start reading and learning about yourself. And there is therapy if you feel you need it.

I wish I could say more, it's difficult not knowing more about you.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}

By Amecmom on Tuesday, December 13, 2005 - 02:42 pm:

I can sympathise with you. I was always confident and outgoing until I spent most of my time with my babies. Now, I feel like I almost don't know how to speak intelligently anymore.

I've started to feel better about myself by finally accepting that what I do as a mom has worth. Aside from parenting, the other jobs I do have worth, too. If I don't clean, we live in filth. That's worthwhile. If I don't cook, we eat garbage. If I don't do laundry, we have no clean clothes.

I know I'm simplifing things, but I hope you can find a way to take pride in what you do, because it is the most important job you will ever have. Once you have pride in what you do, pride in who you are will come - then the self-confidence. It's not easy. It is very hard. I hope you find the books you are looking for to help you.

Hugs.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, December 14, 2005 - 01:54 am:

We are our own worst critic.. And unfortunately the way we (as in women) treat/interact with each other doesn't help. Not referring to here but your contact with women in the real world. I think what you are feeling would be normal and that you need to find away to get yourself out and around people. Good people... Sounds like you might be suffering from a bit of SAHM depression to me..

By Anonymous on Wednesday, December 14, 2005 - 09:25 am:

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. I do feel really good about what I do as a SAHM and my part-time job, too. Sometimes it's just mundane, as we all know. I agree with Ame about 'speaking intelligently' after being a SAHM! Sometimes it feels that way. And regardless of how long you were in the professional world, it seems like once you're a SAHM, outsiders (which seems like everyone but my dh!) just don't see that you have a brain anymore. My dh is my biggest fan, truly, and we have been together a very long time. He is all I could ask for - helps me, lifts me up, great daddy, and we take care of each other.
Nothing has happened in the last few years...that's why I really don't get myself. It's like when I forget one thing at the grocery, or forget to make a call, or any little task that needs to be done, I make a big deal to myself about it. I think it's because in my professional life I felt like I had everything in control all the time. I beat myself up because I feel like the job of being a SAHM is for the most part easier than my professional job, yet I still forget something. I feel like since it is easier (IMO) that I should be perfect, you know?
Bobbie, I agree that I think I deal with brief periods of depression. I get a little down in the dumps and then I just need to go out with friends for a while and I feel rejuvenated.
I'm a weirdo I know I beat myself up too much. I will read Dr. Phil's book and maybe get some techniques to boost my self-esteem *on my own*.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, December 14, 2005 - 09:44 am:

Anon... You are not the only one beating yourself up like that... I bet there isn't a one of us on here that isn't guilty of that.. You are far from a weirdo.. trust me, with a little bit of honesty we could all admit to being in your shoes. And that all goes back to how we (women) are the worst critic of each other. We assume everyone else is running on an even keel because it isn't cool to admit we feel like failures. We fear having to present as having it all together or we will be seen as being a bad mom, wife, person... But everyone feels that way.. We have some grand idea of how we are to be and when we fall short of that we want to and we run and hide. But the thing is... Your best is all you can give, some days are better than others.. But giving 110% will burn you out, drag you down and lead to major depression... And honestly bad judgment on your part. We would all do good to remember that we are all works in process. Which would make us tread lightly with our assumptions of each other and help us to be able to cope with life on a personal level in the long run.

BIG HUGS... You aren't alone...