tell them specifics or tell them whatever they pick is fine.

I have done the latter in the past, but as our children get older I am rethinking my position. I am this year making a specific list especially as sizing of clothing always creates problems.

I have felt in the past asking for specifics senses selfishness. Now as I get older, I realize people want us to really enjoy their gift.

So, for a family member in specific, I have made a list of various items at various price ranges from $5-$20.

How do you feel about this and how do you deal with it.

BTW, my children are happy with whatever we get them. They are not selfish or spoiled children. And we do not go overboard at Christmas.

By Kaye on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 11:03 am:

I would rather not be asked Part of my issue is when someone does ask and I give them a specific idea I take it off my list. Well then if it is something they really wanted it they don't get it. So I struggle too. My inlaws want a list. So I now do a very detailed list and a long list of other items. I ** their top choice, just so they will know. My inlaws give a lot of gifts. The one year I wasn't specific, my son wanted some magnets, what he wanted was a red u shaped magnet (2-3 dollars) and some stuff that it would stick to. You can get these at a teacher store for about 10 dollars. Well no, my mil bought him this magnetics set (which is nice) but it was 80 dollars. Well he had a couple other bigger ticket items on his list that he did not get that he really wanted all because I wasn't specific. Her budget was 100 dollars and so he got really nothing on his list because everything was 25 dollars.

Anyway the short story, if they ask for a list, I do give some specifics, I try to make sure that when I am being generic I put some parameters, this year my daughter wants inline skates, I actually sent her a link to a website because I didn't want her to spend big bucks on these. But one of my son's wants a shuffle, and I just told her what it was and that he only needed the smaller sized one. But I also give a list of clothes and sizes.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 11:22 am:

When we moved to Philadelphia in 1966, my mom asked me to have the boys look through the Sears Christmas Wish Book and make a list of things they liked. Her rationale was she didn't want to waste money on something they wouldn't like. The rules were (and are) that you pick several items, you don't go over a certain price range, you pick things in different price ranges and take into account small budgets. And when clothes got to be important, size, color, and brand name. The lists are shared among all family members, but we don't prioritize "most desired" items. If I happened to know there was something on the list that would have a son's heart broken if he didn't get it, I took it off the list myself and got that item for him (if I could afford it). Our rules are that if you buy something specific from someone's list (a CD or book, for example) you let the other family members know so they don't duplicate - clothes, of course, can be duplicated unless it is a $200 leather jacket. But you are not restricted to buying from the list - if you see something that you think so-and-so will like, by all means get that.

I buy off the list about half the time, except for my dear dil, because I don't know her as well as I know my sons.

Kaye is right, you have to be specific. And I think it is important to have a list that gives people choices in items (my mom would not by CDs for the boys - she found the titles too confusing) and in price ranges, rather than telling them one thing and being disappointed if they don't get it for you.

Now that we have the internet and are all connected - I send out a general e-mail reminding everyone right before Thanksgiving that it is time for "the dreaded Christmas list". One of my sons hosts the list on his website and emails everyone with the link. One year he started removing stuff from lists when someone advised him it had been purchased until I told him that would take the surprise away for the recipient - now we just email all family members EXCEPT the one for whom we bought the gift if it is something that shouldn't be duplicated.

By Melanie on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 01:33 pm:

If they ask, it's because they genuinely want ideas, so yes, I do give suggestions. I don't do it unless asked, but am always armed with a couple of ideas knowing that they probably will ask. My sister has no kids and has no idea what 8 and 10 year old boys like. LOL. They always let me know ahead of time what they selected so as to avoid duplicates. It works for us.

By Reds9298 on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 02:17 pm:

We give specific lists to each family (dh's and mine)and they've always asked for them. Nothing is duplicated on the lists, and they're geared toward the family. Dh's family spends A BUTTLOAD of $ at Christmas time, so if we have a higher dollar item it goes on their list. My parents really don't have that kind of $ and wouldn't spend it on Christmas anyway, so lower-ticket things go on their list.

By Mommmie on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 02:19 pm:

I have some very frugal practical relatives who want to only give something useful, cheap, practical, and preferably from the dollar store, so when they ask me I tell them low dollar practical things. I don't have a problem with it. I can never have enough socks or candles.

By Pamt on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 03:40 pm:

We give specifics, plus we all have amazon wishlists with things from all price ranges. That way people can see if someone already bought something on the list.

By Insaneusmcwife on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 07:03 pm:

I always make a list from what the kids want and when the grandparents ask what the kids want I just forward my list to them and they usually let me know what they are getting so I can remove things from the list and then I send out an updated list to everyone noting that things have been removed or added. This is how it has always worked since they have 4 sets of grandparents and we usually are very far from everyone around the holidays. I've tried the amazon and walmart lists before but they always want something to print out and take with them.

By Feona on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 10:26 am:

I asked someone what they wanted and they said a lap top computer! Be careful!

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 12:52 pm:

ROFL Feona! I used to give specifics when the kids were young. My sister drives me NUTS when I ask what to get my nephew. He is 14 now, but a very *young* 14, due to a host of issues. He still likes Legos! But when I ask what to get him, she says *I don't know, he likes DVDs and Game Boy stuff*. I ask *which* ones, and she says *I don't know*. So I usually end up sending the poor kid money, because I have no clue!

By Mommybug77 on Monday, December 12, 2005 - 10:18 am:

I usually say what they all ready have or what I prefer they not get. I do not allow any Bratz dolls in my house & I let that be known. If the kids are asking for something specfic then yes I let it be known. my parents consult me on everything thye buy my girls. It makes it easy on all of us.