A dear friend of mine just found out her 15 year old daughter is almost 4 months pregnant. I know there are some ladies on this board who had children very young. This is not intended to spark debate.

She is devasted. The doctor said that it's not the end of the world and all problems can be fixed but she said nothing can fix the hole in her heart. She feels as though it is all her fault. She thinks she should have prepared her more or that something is wrong in their relationship since it took this long for her daughter to come forward.

She doesn't live in the same town. What can I do to provide comfort for her? Right now they are looking at adooption but it's so early. She just found out on Thursday.

By Pamt on Saturday, December 3, 2005 - 07:43 pm:

Just let her talk, cry, rant, etc. without being judgmental or even being too quick to offer advice. They WILL get through this, but the mom would probably really benefit by being able to unconditionally share her feelings with someone who will love her and cry with her. (((Paula & friend))).

By Kaye on Saturday, December 3, 2005 - 09:00 pm:

I would think the best thing you could do is keep in contact. Just call and ask how she is doing. All of the feelings she has are normal, and I can't imagine being there. But she is, and now her job is to cope and make plans. But as a mom she has to be careful what she says and how, and she will need a friend that she can just be brutally honest with.

By Luvn29 on Saturday, December 3, 2005 - 09:05 pm:

From a once pregnant sixteen year old. The time she waited to tell mom was not necessarily because they have a bad relationship. Quite the contrary. I know I was so sad to have to disappoint my parents, and that was what was the hardest about telling them. I loved my parents so much I didn't want them to feel the hurt and pain that I knew they would.

Fifteen is very young. I was sixteen, but very mature for my age, but still yet, too young.

Be supportive. Listen. A lot. And stress to the mother that their daughter needs them more now than she ever will in her life. A parent's support through this can mean all the difference when it comes to how she chooses to live the rest of her life.

This isn't the end of the world. And the daughter needs to know that you can learn and build from a mistake, no matter how big it is. The worst thing you can do is not learn, and keep making mistake after mistake and building a life full of mistakes.

By Debbie on Sunday, December 4, 2005 - 11:10 am:

I agree, just listen and be there for her. {{{{{Paula, and friend}}}}

By Tunnia on Sunday, December 4, 2005 - 11:43 am:

I also agree with the above posts. What your friend needs is someone who will listen and be there for her without judging her or her dd.

My best friend became a grandmother a month ago. When her teenage dd told her she was pregnant my friend went through several stages of grief, anger, feelings of failure as a parent, and finally she reach a level of acceptance, not happiness exactly, but acceptance that she couldn't change anything, but she could love the baby and be there for her dd through it all.

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, December 4, 2005 - 11:48 am:

At 16, my biggest fear was getting pregnant before I got married and having to tell my mom. Yikes. The thought still scares me. I wasn't sexually active that early, but I was still scared at just the thought of it!

My 16 yo hasn't even gotten any calls from boys, let alone going out on a date. It's a good thing.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Monday, December 5, 2005 - 08:20 am:

I was pregnant at 17. I was a senior in high school. My birth control failed, I was taking anti biotics for strep throat and they didn't have the knowledge of the effects of anti biotics on BC that they do now. But I was still afraid to tell my parents. I knew they would be disappointed in me. I knew they would reject me. And I knew it would become all about them and not myself or my child.

Just be there for your friend. Listen and let her work through this.

I really feel that adoption is a huge decision and shouldn't be made in the spur of the moment. It is not a quick fix and it doesn't make the pain of what they are going through go away. And in no way should her DD be forced into anything. She is young yes, but if she really wants this child then forcing her to give it up will cause further emotional issues. This whole situation needs to be handled as if it is the long term issue it is..