This year I told my family very early on that we would not be traveling at all for Thanksgiving or Christmas because of me being very pregnant and also with the baby arriving. We usually travel 2 1/2 hours each way for every Holiday!

For Thanksgiving, I told my Mom that we were not doing a major celebration, that I was going to cook because I love Thanksgiving food. She said that she would come because she wanted to see my DD. Then, my Sister said she may try to come with her boyfriend as well. Great. I still told them it would be low key and we would just hang out together. Perfect.

My Grandmother didn't want to leave her dogs and said she would just go to my Aunt's house. (She usually hosts a large get together.) My Aunt said she is not sure what her plans are. Ok, good.

Fast forward to last night. My Mom tells me that my Grandmother now would like to come and see us for Thanksgiving as well. (She has not been to our house since DD was a baby.) She talks to my Aunt and my Aunt says "Well, I have not been invited anywhere yet!" Ok, does this mean, she wants to come here? This is what I was trying to avoid when I told everyone we were not traveling this year....

I tell my Mom, I just can't host a big get together, and I just can't invite them. I'll be 38+ weeks pregnant! I feel so selfish, but I don't know what else to do. I don't mind if it's my Mom and my Sister and maybe my brother if he doesn't have to work--they are layed back and I wouldn't have to really "entertain" them.

I don't want to be rude, because I really wouldn't mind hosting at another time, but just not now! What the heck do I do now?

By Colette on Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 09:20 am:

How far away is your aunt? Can you just invite them over for dessert and coffee? I don't think you should feel guilty. Your pregnant for petes sake!! Can you tell your mum to explain this to them?

By Vicki on Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 09:46 am:

I wouldn't call it rude at all. However, you could let them know that your not feeling up to having to prepare for that many people. Is it the having them at your home that your not wanting to do or all the prep work for it? If it is the cooking etc for it, I wouldn't hesitate for one minute to have them bring everything. If each person that is coming just cooks one dish, your meal would be complete and you wouldn't have to do anything. I bet that when you said you didn't want to travel, they thought that was the extent of it and if they all came to you it would be ok. Do you really feel that you have to entertain them? We always just sit around and talk or break out board games etc.

If you are just dead set against it this year, honesty is the best policy and just let them know how your feeling.

By Breann on Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 10:09 am:

I would just tell your mom that you would love to host Thanksgiving some other time, but this year it's just not going to work out. She is welcome to come as well as your sister, but the extended family has got to go. She should completely understand. I feel the same as you. I wouldn't be comfortable doing it at 38+weeks pregnant. You could go into labor over all the stress!
Everyone should be understanding. And, if your mom is the one that stirred up all the invites, then I would leave it up to her to cancel them.

By Melanie on Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 10:11 am:

I was surprised when you said you were hosting at all. Of course, it does beat traveling!!!

If your concerns are about extra work, I would lay down the ground rules on what you will and will not be doing and what you expect others to do. You will be six days from delivering. I can't imagine them expecting you to be the hostess you typically are.

If you simply find their energy draining and just can't handle it right now, tell them no. Tell them you are not up for having a house full of people. You should be able to sell that since you will be delivering in less than a week!

By Conni on Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 10:24 am:

I totally understand how you feel. I would have no worries if just my parents/sisters families were coming. They have seen me at my worst, they dont care if my house is spotless, etc... Really they would come and help cook/clean up/etc...if I were that preg and they would be understanding. If my Grandma and Aunt came and other people, I wouldnt feel as relaxed...

However, I think you should go ahead and invite them. Crazy, huh? I would invite them for a couple of reasons. 1) they may not even come! 2) we should take every opportunity to see our grandparents, because who knows how long they will be around.

I had an overwhelming feeling that I should call my Grandma 3 days before she died. I didnt call her because we were so busy getting ready for a vacation. Luckily, we had driven the 8 hrs to spend Thanksgiving with them a few months before that.

Just let your mom and sister know that you will need their help if everyone is coming.

By Cat on Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 10:35 am:

Go ahead and invite them, AND make them bring all the food. You'd still have to tidy up (wouldn't go hog wild cleaning, though) but at least you wouldn't have to cook. Then they can leave you ALL the leftovers because you won't want to cook with the new baby in the house just a week later. Oh, they can clean up everything after the meal, too. Afterall, you are very pregnant and it would be the nice thing for them to do.

That's just my thought. You do what you feel is right for you. If you don't want a big crowd, tell them so. They're family. They'll get over it. {{{{{Eve}}}}}

By Karen~moderator on Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 12:23 pm:

If you are up to the company, tell them they can all come IF *THEY* cook the food AND clean up afterwards. Clearly you are not up to this right now, and if they can't see that, then they should stay home.

Sounds harsh, but YOU have to take care of YOU at this point.

If you aren't up to the crowd - period - then just be honest, have your immediate family, and tell the others you are just not up to it and that you will host the holiday next year.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 01:29 pm:

I agree with Breann. For pete's sake, all of these people know you are pregnant and how far along you are - they should be able to understand that you aren't up to much right now. While they are, indeed, family, for your grandmother and aunt to invite themselves is something generally considered rude.

I think you have every right to tell them you are simply not up to it - sorry, but being 38 weeks pregnant leaves you unable to handle a lot of company even if you don't have to do the cooking (and who will do the clean up, pray tell?). Having said that, you are the only one who knows how your family will react and how it will affect future family relationships if you tell them you are not going to host Thanksgiving for anyone other than your mom and sister (and maybe your brother), because of your physical condition. So, in the end, you have to make the decision.

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 01:45 pm:

No way could I have hosted a big family dinner, when I was 38 weeks pregnant! Although, at 38 weeks, Emily was born and Sarah was 2 weeks old.

I totally hear you on the traveling. We didn't have to travel with Sarah until she was almost 4 months old. We traveled home for Easter, when Emily was a month old and we lived 4 hours away! It was a very hard trip and one I would not have repeated, if there had been more kids.

I can see hosting for your mom, sister and possibly brother, but that seems like enough for you!

By Eve on Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 02:52 pm:

Thanks everyone. I told my Mom last night that I was sorry, I just couldn't invite them, and I still didn't want this to become a big thing. So, I think I'll leave it at that. No, there won't be any hard feelings. I just feel so badly that I can't host a big thing. Normally, I wouldn't mind at all. Oh, and yes, my Mom and my sister were going to bring something, or come and all cook together. I wasn't stressed about that. Not yet anyway. LOL We were even considering turkey sandwiches--so they are low key.

Oh, and my Grandmother has Alzheimers, so whatever she decides she wants to do, is fine with me.