Why are some women (and men) like this?
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive November 2005:
Why are some women (and men) like this?
I posted that I was going to go out with some girls the other night. We were celebrating this neighbor's 30th birthday and there were 5 of us all together. (BTW, your posts were so cute...very good idea Patti about the standing "date" nights with the girls.)
I was really looking forward to a fun night out (albeit expensive...holy cow...the birthday girl picked a restaurant that had $30 dinners and $40 wine bottles...yikes).
She is going through a divorce which, is hard, but the guy is a piece of CRAP. Long story short, he had 5 girlfriends in 5 different states and using company money to travel. He brought many STD's home, which caused her to miscarry, and he was her first boyfriend. They were together for 9 years and have 1 child together...both worked.
So, she is starting to date other guys. She made plans, after going out with us, to meet up with a guy. (Which was rude in my book, but hey, she wants to have some male companionship then fine.) But, *THE WHOLE NIGHT* she probably had 5 minutes of conversation because she was so focused on her cell phone (text messaging this guy) because he wanted a rain check. She was practically begging and pleading with him to come out.
I'm sorry, but in my book, if a guy can't come out as planned for my 30th birthday and not have an explanation, he's not worth it. Enjoy the company you're with and move on. This night was about *her* and I felt that we were trying to spend time with her to help her celebrate!
*The whole night* she was worried why he wasn't coming. Then, he decided he would come and told her he would be at another place, so we went there...but then he never showed up.
She kept trying to call him and text message him, wondering why why why...geez. We finally had to take her phone away. She drove me nuts to the point I told her that if he doesn't show up in the next 10 minutes, we're leaving. It was midnight and I'm certainly not waiting for some stupid guy like this.
I was just FLOORED. I've never seen such insecurity in a woman. My mother told me to never put your self worth is someone else's hands. Particularly men's.
Part of me feels sorry she is going through all of this, but another part of me says "SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY!"
thanks for letting me vent...
{{HUG}} I'm so sorry your night was ruined. You sounded like you were looking forward to it!
I have a friend like that and it is sooooo annoying! I think EVERYONE has had friends like that, even as far back as high school. You remember the girl who dropped all her friends the minute she got a boyfriend??? And, if she was with her girlfriends, all she would talk about was "boyfriend this, and boyfriend that"!
You'd like to think that someone who's just been through nine years of bad husband behavior wouldn't want to get right back into another bad situation with a boyfriend?! But, you're right, it is insecurity, and it's very sad.
I wish I had wonderful words of wisdom that you could use that would make her snap out of it, but, I don't! I've been going through this with my friend for longer than I care to admit. I'm to the point now where we can only talk to each other if there is no man in her life and she's not in obsessed-mode! There's no simple cure for self-esteem!
Your mom sounds like a wise woman ans this is a great example of why!
I am sorry your night was ruined, hopefully she will soon learn that she doens't need to have a man make her happy.
You'd be surprised just how many women - AND men - are like that!
You can give her opinions, tell her how you feel, try to talk sense into her, whatever, but unfortunately, the fact is you cannot do anything to change her, that is 100% up to her.
And I'd be willing to bet, she is insecure and has low self esteem at LEAST partly due to what this jerk put her through. Especially concerning the STD part - she may feel *dirty*, she may feel like she has to just take whatever a guy dishes out to her. She also sounds a little desperate - c'mon, willing to settle for seeing a guy who obviously doesn't put any part of her life first?!? A total red flag, if you ask me. But apparently she doesn't see it that way.
Sad.....and we all know women or men (admittedly MOSTLY women) like that. It SO makes you want to shake them!!!!!!
Think about it... she just went thru heck with loser husband. He beat her down to nothing. She now has no self esteem. Someone paid her some attention and she is latching on for dear life. However, she has no business dating at this point and if she was thinking clearly and had any self esteem- she would see this. So all you can really do for her is be there, listen, give her your opinion, take her phone away (that was good! lol), and suggest she get some counseling... She really is going to need it.
Ditto, Conni. Her dh was also her first boyfriend, right? I have no idea how I would feel if I went through what she did, so I am not going to judge her. It is sad that so many people these days have low self-esteem. Her behavior definitely suggests that hers is very low right now.
Oh bummer! You need to get her that book that was on Oprah--He's Just Not That Into You
He sure doesn't sound worth the effort! I'm sorry your night out was ruined.
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