My daughter's best school friend ended up in foster care at the end of summer. She was oh so lucky and got a tremendous family that INSTANTLY treated her as their own child. For the first time in her life she has had a stable home life and food every day.

Without going into any real details of the hows and whys, here is what is going on now.

Her bio mom did not have custody due to abuse. Dad had all 4 kids. Dad lost all four kids after several years this past summer. Mom was never around and unknown where she was.

Last several months, the little girl has been OH SO HAPPY at her foster home. This month, they located the biomom. She has now moved from NY to FL and trying to get her kids back. Everyone was excited.

However, they met the mom last week. The little girl was surprised by the person who was her mother. To put it nicely, she was a woman who looked old due to a very hard life. She has very few teeth. They did not expect such a rough lifestyle and where anticipating a happy reunion. The little girl has no idea who her biomom is/was before this last meeting.

The biomom must meet certain criteria to get custody. Til then she stays at the foster home.

Biomom is bipolar and was told by court she must get a pyschiatrist and see them regularly. She must take meds. She must get a job and obtain a place to live for her and all the kids.

Not part of this particular story, but the other three kids are boys and at a different foster home. I do not know much of that situation.

Has anyone ever had experience w/ this? I am so fearful that the "wants" of the biomom will over rule the NEEDS of a healthy home environment for the little girl.

Is is possible this will be a guinea pig situation to let the mom "give it a try and see what happens?"

It breaks my heart that this little girl will be put back into a roller coaster life. Her foster family is just so wonderful and she has blossomed so much!

I am hoping someone here can tell me the courts are not as cruel as I see depicted on very publicized rulings. Please tell me they put the child first before the rights of a bio parent. Esp if that parent lost custody so many years prior.

The dad, just FYI, was a very loving and carrying dad. He had some health issues that led to job issues that led to a bad relationship (I think to help cut costs) that led to drug use that really started the downward spiral. It was very much hoped he could turn himself around. But with it being so difficult for him to hold a job, loosing his kids that meant everything to him, he has not been able to clean himself up. It is highly unlikely he will ever get the kids back. SO sad, because all four kids loved their dad oh so much! And all four kids loved each other tremendously and really relied on each other.

Going anon because this is such a personal subject for those involved.

By Marcia on Thursday, November 3, 2005 - 10:58 pm:

I'm guessing you're in the US, and I'm in Canada. I can tell you how things work here in Ontario. The bio parents are given a certain amount of time to prove they are capable of parenting. I would say more times than not, in cases like this one, they don't even end up following through with all of their visitation and mandatory classes. Things have just changed because of the numbers of kids in foster care, and I believe that it's now a year that they have before the child becomes a crown ward, and is free for adoption.
Being in an abusive home with bio mom is not what's in her best interest, and lingering in foster care is also not. I would certainly say it's the best choice of the 2, though.
What you see in the publicized rulings in the states is very different from what goes on here. The childrens' rights are number one in Canada. Bio mom lost her rights when her kids were taken because of abuse.
Please keep us posted!

By Bobbie~moderatr on Thursday, November 3, 2005 - 11:18 pm:

It will all depend on the judge, the guardian-at-litem, the DHS/CPS workers over the case and the attorneys for both parties. How well they know and do their jobs will be the deciding factor. The decisions are only as good as the people making them.

My sister in law had her children removed. She did not comply and drug out her legal rights. She was sent through treatment centers, set up in apartments, helped to find jobs.. She would not comply. The contact with her was hard on the kids but the judge wouldn't hear it. Her rights were more important than theirs. Needless to say, they were given back to her. They had been in protective custody for 5 years........ But this had no effect on their final out come. They both turned out to be a chip right off the old block.


Hopefully, the judge over your DD's friends case will rule on the side of the safety of the children not the rights of the mother. Until you reach the age of majority you are a possession of your parents sad to say. And everything is up to the judge and the others I have listen above.

She will be in my thoughts and yes keep us posted.. There is no clear, this is what they will do and why. Which is why you aren't finding much information on what will happen next.

By Anonymous on Friday, November 4, 2005 - 12:35 pm:

I'll keep you posted. I am so sad reading the posts above. They don't sound much more hopeful than I feel.

Marcia, yes we're in the US. The foster family as I said is really nice. They are ready to have this little girl the rest of her life. They make sure she sees her daddy as much as possible and treat him as the father of her. I know that makes the dad feel good. He told me how nice it was to hear "Your Daddy's on the phone" when he calls rather than being told now is not a good time. I don't hear from him often, but he does keep me posted. He just called and said he located a mobile home w/ 3 bdrms in his price range. He says he has been drug free for 6 wks and no alcohol for several months. His health, however, is very bad (unrelated to drug or drinking). But he is trying hard to get it back together. If he does, it will only be thru Gods help. And if that is the case, it will work out for the best.

I am sad to think she will be returning to such a tough life if he can make it work, but I do know for certain they all love each other so much. Too bad she can't have the foster family and dad too.

I did not mention, nor did the dad, the stuff about the mom being in town. I try to stay out of that type of stuff. I just watch out for the little girl and help where I can, if I can.

Thanks for the replies.