This wife on Dr. Phil is incredible!!!
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive October 2005:
This wife on Dr. Phil is incredible!!!
In the worst sense of the word. Her husband had a rare liver disease, not alcohol related, that was cured with a liver transplant. He would have died without it. Now she is ticked off because of the medical bills. Not at the hospitals, but at HER HUSBAND!!! She said she is not giving up everything for HIS problem!!! She said she did not "sign on" for this. Hello??? In sickness and in health???? She said she refuses to sacrifice because of his liver transplant and medications and such. OMG!!! I can't imagine anyone being so selfish. Dr. Phil told her that the word selfish is not large enough to cover her!
She said if her husband hadn't had the transplant, they wouldn't have to be making these payment plans. Ugh!
I guess this hits a sensitive spot in me to hear this because my husband gave up so much and has taken on almost all of the responsibility when I became sick. And we are so young and had only been married a year or so!
Good grief! How rude and selfish of her!
I am not watching doc phil. BUT..lol. I have to say that although I agree with you, can't you understand a little? I would think that is part of the grieiving process, anger. Obviously you have to move past it, but I think very few people go through major medical issues and don't on some level have anger with the situation (and that means the person too). My mom had MS, I got to live through those stages with my dad. Obviously a thriving relationship gets through that stage fast, but they are on doc phil for a reason!
I don't think i'd grive over the medical costs of saving my partners life. I'd just be blessed that the doctors gave me more time with him. Maybe it's because I havn't been on that side of the road? I do agree though that she has a very selfish thought process. It's a life, not something expensive he went out and bought, not an expensive bad habit... a life for crying out loud!
No. I can't see her way of thinking. I would pay any cost to have my husband with me, and never be angry at HIM for the costs.
Yes, my husband and I both get angry over the costs. But at the hospitals and doctors for the unreasonable charges and unfair costs they place on people that already have enough stress on them.
Dr. Phil did his studying and learned that a huge number of people that have a liver transplant die within three years of getting it. This guy has only had it for a year and a half. He is just thankful to be here. Stress is definitely not something to add to the equation. Like he doesn't feel guilty enough for the medical expenses without having his wife add to this.
I know that there are many times that I break down and cry because of the hardships I have placed and continuing placing on my family. But not once does my husband add to that. He tells me not to worry about it, he takes care of my bills so I don't have to worry about them as much. And he forces me to continue with my medical treatments when I want to stop because of the costs.
The only treatment that can help me is an expensive treatment that will cost around $14,000. My insurance refuses to pay for it without a certain diagnosis that I am trying to get. My husband insists that I get it anyway if it comes to the point that I have to get it again. We are still paying on $4,000 portion of it from a couple of years ago when I had it done, and my insurance accidentally paid for it.
He recently paid $40 for a prescription that was supposed to be $7.50 because my insurance wouldn't pay it. We definitely couldn't afford it at the time, with the costs of my other meds, but he paid for it without a question because he knew it would help some of my symptoms at least a little. If I would have been there, there's no way I'd have paid it.
I guess my point is, yes there can be anger, but how could you show so much selfishness and anger at the person you are supposed to love most over a life and death situation??? They don't even have children that need the money spent on them. I can't imagine. The poor guy probably wishes he would have just died and left his selfish wife with the life insurance money. She'd probably be happier.
I guess I watched my dad go through this, and wrong as he was, he just really struggled. For him it was about saving and providing a life that he never had and as soon as they got their feet under them they were given a HUGE blow. Then 10 years later we dealt with a diagnosis of leukemia and lost her. It was awful. Then he remarried and was living a life he never thought he could, and wife 2 was diagnosed with breast cancer and died 6 months later, just before their 5th anniversary. Quite honestly I am still pretty bitter about it  They were both worth any amount of money, but as a teenager when we were spending a thousand a month on my mom, I sure didn't get it (she did NOT have insurance, long story, but went 5 years with none). We were broke, living on food stamps, doing without a lot of extras, not to mention the laughs of friends who didn't understand MS. Really I think a lot of people thought my mom was drunk most of the time. Anyway, it was hard on all of us, and it was harder on dad. I wouldn't consider him a selfish man, but actually living through a death changed him. He didn't really get it. Sometimes you wonder if things can get worse. The Christmas that mom got treatments and we got blue jeans, it sucked, I never wished her dead, but I did wish she would be better and not need stuff. I didn't put two and two together.
I am sure you know the divorce rate of people diagnosed with MS and those type disease is astronomical. A lot of people just can't do it. It is selfish. But I know my mom felt a lot of guilt too, sometimes wishing dad would just leave, she would have gotten meds covered by the state then. We had to pay out of pocket a 40K experimental procedure with no help, pretty tough off of one income of 35K a year. But we managed. Anyway, this is a touchy subject to me, because we all deal with grief differently and we all make mistakes doing it. They are at least doing something right and trying to get help.
BTW, what do you have? I was thinking Lupus, I know you are undx'ed, but what do you suspect?
Well ... SHE needs to be paying some psychiatric bills .. right away!
Ame
Actually, something that acts like MS. My doctors have narrowed it down thinking it is either MS or a disease much like it called CIDP which basically means your nerve myelin, just like MS is destroyed by your body chronically. MS is a Central Nervous System disorder. CIDP is an autoimmune disease that attacks all of your different nerves. They both suck! LOL!
However, with the CIDP, you are typically treated with the IVIG transfusion which is donor immunoglobulins transfused into your blood by I.V. It's very risky and very expensive. And though it helped me so much the first time I had it, I had a pretty bad reaction to it, too.
I understand what you are saying. I and my husband both are very angry. But I guess we just focus it on a different thing. Although I do feel at fault a lot and wonder if I am just a weakling who should be dealing with everything better....But thankfully, my husband has never blamed me or felt resentment towards me. But we are definitely not the norm. We are very lucky.
My husband and I have been married a little over seven years. We got married in 1998. I was sick the next year while I was pregnant with my son. In January 2001 I became very sick with my gall bladder. After surgery for that in April 2001, I never recovered and here I am! So, my husband and I were a very young couple, both in age, and in marriage, with the stress of two young children. But we are one of the few that just became stronger and more dependent on each other.
Everyone does deal with grief differently. I guess I just figured in this situation this woman would be thrilled that she was not losing her husband...
Ditto Ame.
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