Chris' 30th is in December and I want to give him a surprise party at a restaurant, but it is going to be one where everyone pays for themselves, I can't think of the term that is used for that, because I cannot afford to feed that many people.
How would I word the invitation?

By Yjja123 on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 03:14 pm:

I am afraid that I do not think that it is proper to invite anyone to a dinner and expect them to pay. Perhaps you can have it at home and make it potluck?

By My3cuties on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 03:18 pm:

I would just say something like We are throwing a surprise party for Chris at such and such place, come for a great time and bring money to eat on. I don't think telling them to bring money to eat on would be rude. Maybe someone else has a more brilliant idea. lol

By Yjja123 on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 03:21 pm:

Oh forgot to mention...the term you are looking for is "dutch".

By Mrsheidi on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 03:29 pm:

I wouldn't go to a restaurant and expect people to pay for my dinner...
Maybe say,
"While Chris is turning 30,
We'd like to celebrate among friends,
We're going Dutch at ______,
and hope the party never ends.

It won't be the same without you!"

And leave it at that?? Just an idea

By Heaventree on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 03:32 pm:

Maybe you could include a menu in the invitation or an average price range for meals.

You could also contact the restaurant and ask for a special menu to be put together and ask for a reduced price and include the menu with the cost in the invitation.

Ask the restaurant to provide a starter and two main course options (one beef, one chicken) and have them include dessert and coffee.

Just a suggestion. This way they will all get the idea that they have to pay and you can make it a bit more special with your own menu. If you do this though the restuarant will ask that you guarentee the number of people a few days prior to the event and you may have to cover the cost for those who don't show up.

By Kaye on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 03:33 pm:

If you are throwing a party, it is implied that you are paying. I think I would just steer clear of a suprise party. I might say to a few of his close friends, we were thinking for his birthday we would all go out to eat at __________, want to join us? Or consider doing it at someone's house (or your own) you could pretty cheaply throw a bash and feed people.

By Tklinreston on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 03:47 pm:

Hmmm..I tend to agree with Yvonne. I feel that if you are throwing the party and inviting people to dinner you should pay for it. Additionally, if you are throwing the party at home, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking people to bring potluck. We do potluck get togethers once a month among our circle of friends but that is a tradition we have to just get together. Throwing a birthday party for a love one I feel is different. Maybe you can consider reducing your guest list to just very close friends and family and pay for the dinner. If that is not a possibility, maybe you can pay for dessert and drinks and write something like this: "I'm throwing Chris a ___th surprise party at ... on..... Dinner will be dutch but the drinks and dessert are on me. I hope you can join us!!"

By Rayanne on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 03:47 pm:

Well, it just would be with our closest friends and I know that they wouldn't expect us to pay for them, I just wanted to know a way to word it.

I love the idea Heidi. Thanks

By Conni on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 03:49 pm:

We go to birthday dinners at rest. and we ALWAYS pay for our own meal??!! Not offensive at all in our book. lol It cost dh and $70 for the 2 of us to eat steak at a bday dinner in Aug. But we had fun and had a nice dinner with NO kids. Worth it to me.

We dont get invitations typically they call everyone and invite over the phone or in person. They just say they are going to such and such rest on this date and time to celebrate and hope we come party with them!

I meet ladies at bday lunches like this as well and always pay for myself.

No biggie really... But we have alot of very down to earth friends and family. Your situation may be different.

Everytime I have a party at my home it costs me $100 or MORE (usually much more)... Not to mention a weeks worth of cleaning. ugh

By Tunnia on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 04:03 pm:

I don't think that there is really any way you could word the invitations so that they sound proper. I hope this doesn't come out sounding mean because I am not intending it to sound that way, but inviting a person to a party implies that they are a guest and a guest should not be placed in the position of funding the party they were invited to.

I agree with Kaye. Nix the surprise party or throw a party at your house. Instead of sending out invitations, call a few close friends and let them know that you and dh are going out to dinner at "X" restaurant on his birthday and tell them that they are welcome to meet you there, if they want to.

By Emily7 on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 04:13 pm:

If they don't want to pay they don't have to come. I guess I don't see a problem because I have been invited to parties like this & never feel offended, in fact I have paid for the person the party is being thrown for.
You know the group of people you are inviting & how they would react. In my family & or group of friends when a invite is given the first thing out of the mouth of the person invited is "what can I bring or what can I do to help".

By Truestori on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 04:14 pm:

I'm not sure its proper to expect people to pay for their meal if you are inviting them to a Birthday celebration. Are there any family members that could split the bill with you to lighten your finacial load? Maybe it could be thier way of contributing instead of buying a present?? Just a thought.

By Feona on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 06:52 pm:

I have been invited to several parties for people where the invitees pay the whole bill. Forget how I was asked.

I think she said she was getting a party together of people to take her husband out for his birthday. Something like that.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 07:19 pm:

I don't think there is any "proper" way to do this. If these people are close friends, I'd talk with each one and tell them "I'd like to take dh to X restaurant for his 30th birthday and make it a surprise party, but as you know, I can't afford to pay for dinner for a lot of people. Would you (and your spouse) want to be part of this, knowing you would pay for your own dinner?

Or, what about asking a friend if you can have the party at the friend's house? Could you afford to buy the food, fix it ahead at the friend's house and re-heat for the party?

If you are talking about a dozen or so good friends that you can talk with about this, that's one thing. If you are talking about 30-40 people, some of whom you might not know really well, that's another story. There really is no "proper" way to do this, but with really close friends you can work it out comfortably.

By Vicki on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 08:00 pm:

Wonder if this is one of those "depends on your area" things. I also would never invite people to a birthday dinner and expect them to pay. I would also find it odd to be invited to a birthday dinner and be told to pay for my own. To me, when your invited to something like that, you shouldn't have to pay. Guests shouldn't have to pay to be a guest. I would tend to do something at my house that wasn't as expensive, but that is just me. You can make a crock pot of sloppy joes and have chips and a veggie tray and birthday cake for pretty cheap!


But, if your circle of friends do this all the time, I would think that they would already know that they pay their own way and this shouldn't be an issue at all for you. Have fun!!

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 08:08 pm:

Good friends of ours did something for his 30th. It was worded in a rhyme and very similar to what Heidi wrote for your invitation. It was also a surprise. This wasn't at a sit-down restaurant though, but a place called Jamie's Soda Fountain which has stuff like hotdogs and sandwiches. Her invite said something about bringing funny stories and memories to share about her dh. She just said something like "We're getting together at Jamie's...".

Maybe you could just say you're getting together for drinks, and then people can eat if they want to?

I think if it's worded correctly, it's okay. If I got an invitation that said "we're having a surprise dinner for dh at xxxx" then I would expect that the sender was paying. Just make it clear I guess. Sounds like fun! I had a 30th for my dh at home with close friends and it was really nice.

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 08:09 pm:

Sorry, I meant to say in the first line "did something similar for..."

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 08:10 pm:

Oh, my friend also mentioned (also in rhyme, it was so cute) that no gifts were necessary unless someone felt they needed to bring a 'gag' gift.

By Dandjmom on Thursday, October 20, 2005 - 03:50 pm:

Rayanne, I dont' see a problem with asking people to pay for there meals, I attend a engagement party at a restaurant last year I had to pay for me adn my kids, I attended a birthday cruise I had to pay for my ticket.

Heidi's idea was nice , I really like it , but you can just tell them like they do here at work when someone retires , we will be celebrating Chris birthday on etc, and etc,location. If you would like to help and join in the celebration there is a cost of etc amount which includes your meal, drinks, appitizers, and desserts.

Since this is close personal friends, I also think that I would just get together with them over the phone and explain to them with it is I would like to do.

By Mrsheidi on Thursday, October 20, 2005 - 04:45 pm:

Rayanne, you know your friends best...I don't think they would expect you to foot the bill for a big celebration like that.

By Mommyof5 on Friday, October 21, 2005 - 06:51 pm:

We have been to parties like this for 30 and 40th birthdays but they are at bar and grill type places and the spouse buys appetizers for the group and then if anyone wants something else they just order for themselves.

By Boxzgrl on Friday, October 21, 2005 - 07:09 pm:

I like the way Heidi put it. I don't think it looks bad. I wouldn't expect someone to pay for me, even if they invited me to dinner. I guess I think it's rude to expect someone to pay for my dinner and not rude for me to pay myself. I'm the oddball out.

By Imamommyx4 on Saturday, October 22, 2005 - 06:05 pm:

I'm not sure it's an area thing. I think it is a just how you were raised thing. One of the ladies I work with got all bent out of shape because we were giving a baby shower for another lady in the dept and everyone was asked to bring a dish if they came.
No biggy to me. I took a gift and a dish.

Heidi's poem invitation is cute. Dutch-treat or going Dutch is the term. If I go to somebody's house, I probably wouldn't think about giving the hostess money. But I might take a dish if asked. Or I might offer to bring something. But at a restaurant, I would have money to pay my own bill and expect to pay my own bill unless the host grabbed up the ticket or made it plain at the beginning that dinner was on one ticket.