Do you ever have a hard time asking for things?
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive October 2005:
Do you ever have a hard time asking for things?
For me, this is hard. Im not talking about within my home with my husband or kids.
Faith is 14 months old, and besides her staying home with her father while I go out and do errands, or take one of the kids somewhere else, she doesnt get left often. As a matter of fact in 14 months she has been left only 3 times, with somebody other then her father.We dont have a "babysitter", we never did. Usually friends of ours would watch the kids if needed.
I volunteered to work the bookfair at Elizabeths school. They had you circle the time frame you wanted and the day.I picked the last day and the last hour when it said "box up books". I figured, that way I could bring Faith with me, and I didnt have to worry about anything. WellI got my sheet back saying they had me down for 12-1:30, and that I was to help the customers/kids with finding books etc.. I have no problem with this duty. But, Its not something I would want to bring Faith too. I mean she walks now, and likes to be in everybodys business, she would be pulling books off tables etc.. I felt panicked for a minute. Sure I could tell the school those times dont work for me. THen I called a friendin the neighborhood. Ive watched her kids a few times over the yrs. Shes always offered to watch mine. It took me forever to call her house. I dont know why. I felt so bad asking her to watch Faith. I kept saying "Are you sure your not busy, I dont have to do this"She said she would be more then happy to watch Faith for me.
When we hung up, I felt guilty like maybe she rather do something else etc.. I just have such a hard time asking people for favors, I always did. Im one of those people who always worries "Oh I hope Im not bothering them etc.."
This is so simple, but its so hard for me. Anybody else have this problem?
Yes! I still do! My girls are 16! LOL. Recently one of my twins had a kidney stone and was in the hospital overnight. Well, my husband was out of town too. What to do? Well, all 3 of us could stay at the hospital. LOL.
Finally, a friend stopped by and made Leanna go home with them. I felt so much better because they asked. I think with me it's a mixture of being self-reliant and hard headed.
Yes! I don't know what it is. My neighbor down the street asks me for favors all the time...watch her ds for a little while, take him to baseball practice(he plays on the same team as my ds), etc. You know, I don't mind at all. Now, I need someone to watch my ds for an hour next Sat. and I am having a hard time asking her. I know she will do it, and wouldn't mind at all. I just need to call her. 
Really, I do know what it is. I used to be a pretty co-dependent person. I have really worked hard to change it. I guess, I don't want to depend on people for anything. Now, it seems, I have gone to the far other extreme. URG..
I am just like you Jackie. I have a hard time, too, because of the same reasons you do. That I'm inconveniencing someone even though they insist that I'm not. On the other hand I love watching other kids when needed. I see it as a wonderful opportunity for my boys to have a friend over, especially since Jordan is not in daycare. I encourage my friends to use my baby sitting services all the time but they feel bad. It's funny how things work.
Well, I hate to ask for stuff, but sometimes you really need a favor. Gary was out of town this week (Des Moines, IA). I didn't work at all last week. Think it could have been then? Heck no. This week I worked Tues-Fri, early in the morning - 7:15am, 7:15am, 8am, and 7:15am. Anyway, I needed someone to take the girls to school yesterday and today. I asked a co-worker at my school job to do it, since she's a grandma and doesn't have her own kids to take to school. She was there both days right on time! She did a great job and that put my mind at ease. I did hate to ask, but I couldn't take the kids to school myself.
Gary is coming home today. tomorrow, I can take them. We just have to leave a little sooner. It will be nice that Gary can take them on Friday. Fortunately, I only had to work in the mornings this week and could do the pick-up myself!
Here's my take on it, an attitude it took me a long, long time to reach.
I love being asked for favors and I love helping people. It makes me feel good. When I had a ruptured disk and had to ask my children and other people for help for a 6+ month period, I discovered that my kids felt really good about helping me, and some of my friends actually told me that they really enjoyed being in the position of giving instead of receiving in our relationships. They enjoyed the opportunity (which I had never allowed them) to feel good for doing me a favor.
If you have done favors for this woman, she is probably pleased and maybe a bit relieved to have an opportunity to "repay" with a favor, even though friends don't keep count of such things. It just makes a relationships feel a bit better balanced if there is give and receive at both ends. Why should the feeling good for helping be only on one side?
Yes, it is not easy to ask, and it took a major life event that had me in lots of pain and really handicapped for a while to learn to ask. But the feedback I got taught me an important lesson, and I can ask much more easily since then. Of course, this only works in relationships where both you and the other person feel comfortable saying no when you can't or don't want to do something, but fortunately, I have several such relationships.
I used to, but not anymore. However, I certainly don't abuse a privilege and always reciprocate. I finally learned to ask for help when DH had double pneumonia and the flu simultaneously, both DSs had double ear infections and bronchiolitis which required nebulizer treatments every 4 hours. I was the only healthy one in the midst of 3 VERY sick family members. I was actually praying to get pneumonia and be hospitalized so I could get a break! Anyway, I was supposed to teach my first college class in the midst of this. I finally broke down and called an older woman at church who had offered to help. I usually never take people up on offers like that, but I did. I almost cried when she walked through my front door with a plateful of homemade cookies and started rocking my boys---and it did me so much good to get out of the house. I help out in a pinch and I've finally learned to ask others without feeling guilty.
|
Members
