Some old, Some new, Always fun... 
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive October 2005:
Some old, Some new, Always fun...
I got this in an email from a friend. Hope you enjoy them!
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the
time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you
think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She
simply replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she
replied. "Two years older than me.." "So you're 96," the undertaker
commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, isn' it?!!
I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half
blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly
feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have
lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher
she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me
twice a week."
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as
sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my
body are just prone to swinging.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner
child playing with matches.
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.!
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow
old because you stop laughing.
THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I
never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10. Oh
heck, send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are.
Lol! I love the part about the ashes over Walmart.
Way too funny!!!!!!!
LOL
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