I don't think I've ever been in a funk like this, but lately I seem to be feeling depressed, I think?
My son was sick and I feel a great deal of guilt about it. When the nurses checked him in to the hospital for pneumonia, they kept asking "Was he premature? Did he have RSV? Is there a history of asthma?" The answer was "no" to all of these...so, I almost felt as if they were saying "Well, if he didn't have any of this, why is he here with pneumonia?" He was coughing a lot before he went to sleep, but I trusted the cough medicine to work and then *poof* at 3am, he vomited and had a hard time breathing!

Then, he's going through these stages where all he'll eat is raisins. He barely touches his cheese, cereal, and other foods. I tried giving him pediasure and he hates it. I feel like I'm going to the store each day to just figure out what he'll eat. I cry every day, feeling like a bad mom...like I'm just spinning my wheels and not going anywhere. He won't drink juice anymore either...I've tried orange, apple, mixed fruit, white grape, and even just plain water. He drinks a sip and throws it.

Then there's DH...he hurt my feelings last night and he didn't apologize. It seems to be a recurring theme. When I tell him he's hurt my feelings, he retaliates with something I did earlier in the day (to which he never brought up) so somehow my feelings are hurt, but I end up apologizing...not him. I just want to be acknowledged sometimes, you know? Like my needs are important too.
I just feel like crying lately!! Thanks for listening to me vent...

By My3cuties on Monday, October 17, 2005 - 11:14 am:

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Katelyn had pneumonia when she was 2. It was aweful, and she wasn't even hospitalized, I know the stress of it all. And your DH acting the way he is does not make things any better, I am sure. You don't need to beat yourself up for Connor getting sick..it happens. And he is better now anyway, right? so everything is going to be fine. Try to relax. I would also have a nice long talk with DH (not when he has hurt you, but just any free time you have with him). Take care and we are always here for you to talk to or vent at. ~Candis

By Trina~moderator on Monday, October 17, 2005 - 11:35 am:

{{{HUGS}}} Ditto Candis. Don't be so hard on yourself. Both my kids have had pneumonia in the past. Kids get sick. That's a fact of life. My Mom tried to make me feel guilty by asking silly questions like, "Did you make them wear a hat? That's how they get pneumonia, you know!" I was almost in tears at our ped's office when he set me straight. "Those are old wives tales. Pneumonia is an infection in the lungs and can come on quickly. NOT your fault."

It's VERY hard when our little ones are sick. They are fussy and miserable. The normal foods and comfort items don't work their usual magic. Hang in there and don't worry too much if he doesn't want to eat. Encourage fluids so he doesn't become dehydrated but just do whatever you can to make him comfortable. Recruit DH to help and give you breaks when possible because it's very taxing on Mommy!

By Janet on Monday, October 17, 2005 - 11:40 am:

I'm not sure how old your son is, but I know that toddlers are notorious for strange eating habits. It seems, at times, that they just live on air! I remember a time when all my dd would eat was fried okra. Just keep offering him a variety of foods, and let him choose what he wants. I doubt if he'll starve. They eat more than we think they do. As for the Pediasure, it is GROSS (have you tasted it?)! My girls never would touch the stuff. I spent more money, buying the different flavors, even the popsicles, and ending up throwing it all away. You are a good mom! If you were a bad mom, you wouldn't care about your son's health or what he's eating. Kids get sick. And, husbands get insensitive. I think all of us on this board could share times when our dh's hurt our feelings and didn't apologize. Not to diminish your feelings, but men often just don't realize the depth of our feelings. I think Candis has a good point...try to talk to him in a non-confrontational manner, and see if you can clear the air. {{HUGS}}

By Missmudd on Monday, October 17, 2005 - 12:14 pm:

Cut yourself some slack, it is ok to feel like this. You have had a whole bunch of stress and it is normal to feel depressed. Mrheidi is probably feeling the same way so the advice of talking to him about it when you arent in the heat of the moment is a good one. Try feeding connor slimfast or instant breakfast. I think they are much more tasty and they arent as low calorie as they make them out to be and are full of vitamins. Zach went on what I called the pb&j diet. For what seemed like forever he would only eat pb and j and milk. They get over it, just keep trying different foods. Hang in there and if it seems like the mood isnt lifting after your life returns to normal you should get into your doc. While it seems like the nurses are pointing fingers they are just making sure that they arent missing anything. This is a good thing, it means they are trying to do the best they can so that connor recovers quickly and completely. Hang in there, thinking of you.

By Nicki on Monday, October 17, 2005 - 01:35 pm:

Heidi, I think I understand! Lara had pnuemonia three weeks ago. I still struggle with the guilt. Even though the doctor in ER assured me how quickly this can come on a little toddler. This was news to me. I always thought that people who aren't taking care of themselves as getting pnuemonia. I know this isn't fact either, so I don't know why I'm having such a time with this. Just please know I understand so well.
We are also struggling with getting her to eat healthy, balanced meals. She turns down things she normally eats with enthusiasm asking instead for anything sweet. I don't like even having many sweets at home. It just makes things easier. Dh made the mistake of making a big batch of cookies for her the other night. Guess what she asks for all day! Oh my. My Dh and I have been having trouble too, I think it's stress over Lara's health. We both are so eager to have her feeling better, and she is not quite herself, yet.

Heidi, just from what I've learned about you from your posts, I know you are a great mom! You seem so caring. Connor is a lucky little boy.
Our little ones will be well soon and hopefully eating veggies again! (Right?):-)I hope you are feeling better. You have been through a lot. A hospital stay with a child must be high on that stress list! No wonder you feel like crying. Take care, okay?

Nicki

By Lorebunde on Monday, October 17, 2005 - 02:28 pm:

I would be depressed too. Maybe you are just run down yourself. I know that when I'm tired, I get depressed. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm tired, just go, go go to the point of exhaustion.
I'll cry mysefl to sleep and the next morning, I'm refreshed, thinking "what was THAT all about".
So relax and don't forget to take care of yourself.

By Dawnk777 on Monday, October 17, 2005 - 02:53 pm:

You've been under a lot of stress. I got pneumonia 3 years ago, in June! One moment I was fine and the next moment I was sick. I noticed all afternoon that my breathing was getting rougher and by 6pm that day, it hurt to take a deep breath! While I did feel better with the antibiotics, it took me a while, before I got me endurance back. Just loading the dishwasher would make me short of breath!

He'll get better and you'll feel better, too. I too, also thought my kids lived on air sometimes!

By Cat on Monday, October 17, 2005 - 03:02 pm:

{{{{{Heidi}}}}} Like everyone else said, don't be so hard on yourself. Randy had pnemonia twice when he was little. Once at about 20 months and then again when he was three. He's just more prone to it than the rest of us. With Robin it's his ears. Me--sinuses. Dh, well, he's just a big baby and complains about everything when he's sick! lol You know what I think? I think you need a break. You've been VERY busy lately with traveling, having a sick baby, the run you did (and did GREAT!) and just being a mom. I'd really try and schedule some down time--with or without Connor. Whichever you prefer. More hugs, Hon. Hang in there.

By Imamommyx4 on Monday, October 17, 2005 - 04:53 pm:

Like I told you in the other thread, I felt like crud that I didn't realize dd had asthma and was so sick. I felt like I should have known or I was a bad mommy. But after she was better, I realized that we are all just human and we don't know everything. And also, things can go from just sick to really sick very quickly. Don't beat yourself up. You are a good mama, you love your child with all your heart, and you did the right things when you felt it was warranted. If you DIDN'T feel a little bad, I'd be more concerned.

By Reds9298 on Monday, October 17, 2005 - 07:21 pm:

So sorry Heidi! Natalie hasn't been sick yet so I can't say I know how that feels (ooooh I'm so dreading it when that day finally comes), but I know I will feel just like you. What could I have done to prevent this? Did I miss something? I think it's normal. I do that on regular daily things. You're a wonderful mother and kids get pneumonia...it's just part of it.
Ditto what someone else said about getting depressed when tired. I'm EXACTLY that way. Weepy, too, and it overwhelms me. You've been emotionally tired as well as physically. Chances are your dh has been, too, and maybe he's taking it out on you a little bit.
Can you get away on your own for an hour or do something with your dh for a couple of hours? If you don't feel comfortable leaving, just do something YOU want to do (even if it's sleeping) after Connor goes to bed. Forget your house, chores, and anything else that feels pressing. A good cry always helps, too!

By Mommmie on Monday, October 17, 2005 - 07:41 pm:

My son spent a couple of days in the hospital for pneumonia when he was 28 months old. It came on suddenly. It's stressful to be in a hospital environment, seeing the other sicker kids and sleeping in a chair and everything. Maybe you're having a bit of post traumatic stress?

Or maybe it's just the realization that we don't have as much control over our children's lives as we'd like to think we do.

By Cocoabutter on Monday, October 17, 2005 - 08:42 pm:

Good luck to you. I bet they asked you all those questions just to get a better idea on how to treat the pneumonia. If there were any special circumstances, they needed to know about them.

From what I understand, pneumonia sneaks up on you, so I wouldn't blame you for anything you did or didn't do. Just be there for ds.

As for his eating, he's probably just balking b/c he's not feeling good. I used to worry about my ds eating and getting the nourishment he requires, but if he's sick, it's normal to be picky and grouchy, and we do the same thing when we're sick.

As for dh, I go through the same thing with m dh sometimes. He's probably stressed, too. Don't take it too personally.

By Mrsheidi on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 - 10:18 am:

Thanks everyone...I did read your posts yesterday and this morning but now I have a few minutes to respond!!
I was able to take a nap yesterday and low and behold, Connor ate a TON after I posted this. He is also feeling SO much better. It was nice to know it's not so rare to get sick so fast.

DH and I had a talk and I hope it worked this time. We hardly ever argue, but when we do, it's the same type of "conflict resolution" every time and it's not working.
But, I'm hoping to get a book and have us both read it. We just need to communicate better.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. You ladies REALLY REALLY REALLY make me feel better!!!