We have new neighbors that moved in a few months ago. They have an 8 yr. old boy and a 4 yr. old girl. I have 2 boys that are 5-1/2 and almost 8. Everytime the boy comes over to play, his mom makes him bring his 4 yr. old sister. In the beginning it was okay, they seemed to all play together. Well, the last few weeks, she has been demanding that they play house, dance, etc. I guess she feels more comfortable now, so she is demanding they play what she wants. My boys get upset because they don't want to play these things with her. Last week, she came downstairs all upset and wanted me to make them play what she wanted. I told her, I am sorry, but I am not going to make them play with her. She then wanted me to play with her. I told her sorry, I am in the middle of something(which I was) and if she didn't want to play with the boys, she needed to go home. Well, this is happening almost everyday. They come over, she gets upset, I have to get involved and then she usually goes home. It is getting really old. I guess, I just don't understand why her mom keeps sending her over here. There are several girls her age in the neighborhood. First, what do you think? Am I wrong to send her home if she doesn't want to play with them, should I try and get my boys to play something they can all play together. I really don't want to make them play with her if they don't want too. I want to diplomatically talk to their mom about not sending her over all the time. I don't know her that well and I don't want to cause problems. But, I don't understand sending a 4 yr. old to play with older boys. Dh thinks it is because she homeschools, so she wants them out of her hair for awhile each day.(they now come over everyday, but my boys are hardly ever invited to play at their house) What do you think?

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 12:25 pm:

I think you are being used as a free baby-sitter! If the boys play well together you need to just let them play. Either tell the girl she needs to go home and let the boys play or tell the mom that you do not mind having the boys play but the little girl should find another girl to play with. My son will play with neighbor boy (both houses they like to go back & forth all day) but I do not allow my daughter to go. It wouldn't be fair to the boys and really wouldn't be that fun for my daughter. I would put a stop to it before it goes on so long that she can say "Oh you never had a problem before?"
I homeschool and do not need my kids out of my hair LOL
Most of the time I have my kids friends here at our house.

By Tklinreston on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 12:29 pm:

Debbie, I'm sorry that you find yourself in a bind. I don't think you are wrong for sending her home for those reasons you cited. When you send her home how does she go home? In other words, does her mom come and get her or do you walk her over or just watch her walk over? I realize it would be hard for you to actually walk her home since you can't really leave your kids alone. I would get the phone number of the mom by just saying something like "since you're kids are over at our place alot, I think it would be a good idea to have your number just in case of any emergencies" etc. And then, the next time this happens call her mom and ask her to come over because her little girl is upset. I would then use that as an opportunity to discuss the problem. Tell her firmly but kindly that you don't believe it is a good idea to have her come over every day due to all of the reasons you cited. Frankly, I think her mom is being very selfish. Noone should send their kids to someone else's house every day, especially if they haven't been invited. I'm sure her little girl is upset each time she goes home and isn't shy about explaining WHY she's upset and yet the mom keeps allowing it??? I would definitely speak up and do it quickly.

By Mommmie on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 12:59 pm:

I have had this problem with several boy-girl sibs! I have a boy. I don't understand it either. I think the bottom line is the parents are doing two things. 1) They are getting to unload two kids for the price of one and 2) trying to be "fair" to their kids and saying they both could go. "It's not fair Johnny gets play time and not Emily, so Emily is going with you."

I really think it's more of number 2, because this only seems to be a problem when the kid my son wants to play with is the oldest. The parents haven't gotten this These Are Separate Human Beings thing down yet. They see their kids as an inseparable group. I have never had this issue when the target kid is the youngest.

In response I have done different things. I have told the little girl I don't feel like playing right now - in front of the parents. I have told the parents I don't have girl things and the boys are doing boy things. I have parked the girl in front of the TV which is where the parents find them. I have played with the girl so I can chat with them and see what their parents are thinking, "My mom says you don't love your son because you put him in daycare."

The current boy-girl team that visits is okay bec the girl is a gamer too and a tomboy and she actually plays with the boys. She still needs girl friends, but she is highly gifted and the other 9-year-old girls on the street just don't "get" her.

Good luck with what you decide. The risk of being straightforward and telling the parents you don't want the girl over is the parents won't let the boy come over anymore either. I had that happen too. They were a package deal and that's that.

By Debbie on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 01:08 pm:

Joyce, they live right next door, so when she goes home I stand at the door until she goes inside. She is very outspoken, so I am assuming she tells her mom why she came home.

Yvonne, I am not implying that all homeschool mom's need a break from their dks. My neighbor has just made a few comments that make dh and I believe they are a handful.

By Debbie on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 01:11 pm:

Mommie, that is what I am afraid of. If I say she can't come over, then they won't let their ds come over either. They moved here from a neighborhood that didn't have kids and he has told me he is so excited about having friends. My ds's also really like playing with him. I kind of feel like I am in a no win situation.

By Vicki on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 01:27 pm:

I think maybe I would just keep doing what your doing for now and hope that the little girl either gets tired of coming over and them not playing with her (or doing what she wants to do) or she makes new friends. I also think this could be a no win situation and if she isn't doing anything wrong that you can say she can't come over for, I would think she would just get tired of it and stop coming.

You say that the mom makes him take her along? Did he or she tell you that? Maybe that can be your in. Maybe you can say something like Johnny said you make him bring his sister with him, but really, with me having boys, they just are not interested in the same things.

By Annie2 on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 01:37 pm:

Why wouldn't she let the boy come over without the sister? I never send my kids to their friend's house. They shout "I'm going over to Stacie's!" as they are running out the door. She could be tagging along by herself.

I would not make the boys play with her. The next time she comes over and the boys don't want to play what she wants, simply say "you have to go home now, the boys don't want to play "house" and your not getting along with them".

I have sent many a siblings home before because my kids didn't want to play. I have even sent home a twin, from time to time, because ds likes only one and doesn't get along with the one that tags along. Especially if they just show up at the door and ds didn't invite them over. Now if ds invites them both over, I treat them like a package deal.

Also the next time this happens, while she is walking home, get the phone number from the boy. Call the mom. Tell her she is on her way home. The boys are playing "cars"; she wants to play house and she's not getting along with the boys. Just tell her what you told us. If she doesn't understand then it's her problem. Your afternoon shouldn't be messed up because of her family.

By Debbie on Wednesday, October 12, 2005 - 01:27 pm:

I talked to my neighbor yesterday. All the kids were in our backyard playing. The boys were trying to play baseball and she started taking the ball and running away with it. She was really just bugging them. So, I took her home and talked to her mom. I didn't say she couldn't come over anymore. I just told my neighbor that lately the boys have been playing really well together and she has been bugging them and not getting along. I told her mom that I didn't want to referee them all the time and I didn't feel comfortable correcting her bahavior. So, from now on when she acted this way, I was just going to send her home. She said okay, that sounded like a good idea. Hopefully, she will make her own friends with the girls in the neighborhood, so she has someone to play with.

So, hopefully, problem solved.

By Mommmie on Wednesday, October 12, 2005 - 01:33 pm:

Good job!

By Tklinreston on Wednesday, October 12, 2005 - 01:58 pm:

Way to go Debbie! It sounded like you handled it great. I hope things work out for you

By Kernkate on Wednesday, October 12, 2005 - 02:08 pm:

Great way to handle it Debbie Hopefully it will be solved now.

By Annie2 on Wednesday, October 12, 2005 - 08:51 pm:

Way to go!!!!