I'm not sure what to do.

I have a neighbor that runs a daycare out of her house. On base, you can only do it if you go through TONS of classes and get certified. Even then, there are strict rules to abide by. It's suppose to be harder to get certified on base than by the state. I know she is not certified on base. She doesn't have a home daycare sticker in her window, which is required. I don't really care about that situation though, I don't think that part is any of my business.

The part that bothers me is that last week she asked me to watch her daycare kids because she had an allergic reaction to penicillin and had to go to the doctor. She had 4 kids there that day but I believe she watches 5 (2 of her own). I had never met or seen her before that day and I thought it was strange that she would ask a stranger to watch her kids and the kids she was responsible for. When I went in her house, it was disgusting. She had probably only lived there for 3 weeks by that time. You could barely see the living room floor because there were toys and clothes everywhere. There were days worth of dishes piled in the kitchen. Old food on the kitchen table. I went upstairs to put their 10 month old in bed and it was horrible up there as well. I don't really care how a person keeps their house but when you are bringing kids into it and are getting paid to watch them, there should at least be sanitary conditions. The parents do drop the kids off and I assume they see the way the house is so i'm guessing they just must not care.

I've been thinking about this since the day I was asked to watch those kids. I was mortified by the way a "daycare" would be kept. On base if you run a daycare without the certification you could lose your house. They are very serious about it.

I feel bad because they seemed like they were just starting out and need the money but at the same time it's not fair to the kids to be in that type of house all day long. It's gross. If that girl really needs the money, she just has to get certified with the base (which is very cheap) and follow rules. I don't know what to do.

By Kate on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 06:48 pm:

She should be shut down for the mere fact that she asked you, a perfect stranger, to watch children that SHE was put in charge of. Imagine how you would feel if YOUR babysitter handed Kaitlyn off to someone you didn't know, and the babysitter didn't even know! That's really unbelievable!!

By Melanie on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 07:09 pm:

Clearly you need to speak up.

By Vicki on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 07:35 pm:

I also think I might turn her in. I have to believe that the people that drop their kids off to her know about the mess and the fact that there isn't a sticker in her window and it must not bother them. That TOTALLY amazes me. I can't believe that people would knowingly take their kids to her, but I will bet you anything that she is cheaper than the ones who are certified and that is likely why they use her. But, it would not sit well with me and if she is willing to ask a complete stranger to help her break the rules, I would turn her in. I also would NEVER fill in for her again. Like I said, you are helping her break the rules!!

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 07:50 pm:

Ditto!

By Annie2 on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 08:07 pm:

I know that rocking the boat in the military can affect your dh's position. I would turn her in, anon; by a pay phone...off base. But definitely make the officials aware of the situation.

You do not need this stress right now. Do it tomorrow and get it off of your shoulders.

By Marcia on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 08:23 pm:

You mentioned that she's only been living there for about 3 weeks. Could it be that she isn't aware of the certification rules on base? Could some of the mess be due to the confusion of just moving and having so many kids in her home, giving her no time to properly organize? I know that doesn't explain the dishes and food on the table, but it could explain some of the other mess. Is it possible that she called the parents to let them know she was leaving the kids with you, because she had a medical emergency?
I think I would talk to the girl before turning her in, because from what you've said, she could lose her home.

By Boxzgrl on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 08:53 pm:

Marcia, we live in new housing so there may be a slight possibility but most of the people here were transferred here from other on base housing areas. You also have to sign an agreement regarding home businesses so she has to be sure of these rules. She didn't call the parents children, i'm aware of that. I don't even know if they ever were told about the situation.

Annie- I can turn her in anonymously. They don't require that I give my name.

Thanks girls. I had a feeling I should report it but I wanted to make sure I wasn't sticking my nose where it shouldn't be.

By Luvn29 on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 09:04 pm:

She made it your business when she drug you into it by asking you to watch those children.

By Kaye on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 09:35 pm:

I am suprised by the answers here. I am a rule follower in general. But honestly, no I would not speak up. Who does it help? Honestly who cares if her house isn't clean enough for you? Those parents who drop their kids off are who matter and if it is a big enough concern for them, they will report her. Is it odd that she called you to watch the kids? Sometimes you do what you have to do in an emergency. I left my dd when she was 6 with a neighbor that i had known for 2 weeks. She had pox, my other son had to be rushed to the er with a asthma attack and I had a baby, I just couldn't do it all.

I don't know it just seems like you are wanting to cause trouble for someone who isn't really doing anything wrong. Maybe she is in the process of getting it all together, you really do not have all the facts. I dont' think it is any of your business.

By Christylee on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 10:13 pm:

I think I would talk to her, ask her if she's aware of the rules... I would have a hard time knowing what I'd do, I follow the rules BUT not everyone does. I'm sure the parents of the children see the house the way it is and if they leave them then well shame on them. As for her leaving them with you I don't think I'd ever allow yourself to be put into that position you're setting yourself up for a liability. IF it should ever come up again be honest tell her you don't feel comfortable with teh situation it jeoperdizes you and your husband (if they choose that second to bust her you'll be involoved as a knowing party and that WILL happen at some point).

Not a easy situation at all, best of luck.

By Reds9298 on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 10:29 pm:

I think it's your business because this woman made it your business by asking you to watch the kids. It sounds like she needed medical attention, so I guess that's an extenuating circumstance, but if she needs medical help again, call an ambulance and then ask where the numbers are for the parents of the children she keeps so that you can call each of them and let them know what is happening. I agree with Christylee that you're setting yourself up for liability.
A difficult situation...good luck

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 10:18 am:

(A) I think it is your business because she made it your business. (B) I would NOT ask her if she is aware of the rules, because if you then report her, even though you can do it anonymously, she will probably connect the two. (C) I am not a great housekeeper, but if I were keeping children I would have my kitchen, bathrooms and the areas for the children pretty clean, for safety if nothing else. (D) If the parents don't care, that bothers me - how can they not care that they are leaving their children in such a mess. Just moved in or not does not account for old food on the table and days worth of unwashed dishes.


I find myself wondering if she really was having an allergic reaction to penicillin. Surely it would not be the first time, as she is an adult and almost certainly had penicillin prescribed before. So why would she take a penicillin type medication at all?

You may not have all the facts, as Kaye said, and if there weren't children involved I think I would MYOB. But, there are children involved, and that makes it different. You know there are children spending their days in a home that is unsanitary (not "messy", not "not clean to my standards", but unsanitary), quite possibly unsafe, and that this woman is not at all careful about who she asks to cover for her if she needs to leave the house. You also know the base rules and know she is breaking them (and the rules are there to protect children). Personally, I don't think you have any choice.

By Cat on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 10:26 am:

They will not kick the family out of base housing without warning them first. If you report her the family child care office will contact her, make her aware of the rules and give her a warning. It's not a one strict and you're out thing. I do think you should report her because of the unsanitary conditions. She does NOT need to be keeping children in her home in those circumstances. Good luck and hugs. I'm sorry you were dragged into this.

By Mommmie on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 10:57 am:

Maybe you could help her clean up her house?

By Marcia on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 11:06 am:

Just wanted to reply to the penicillin thing. I had my first reaction in my 20's. I had taken it many times before.

By Kaye on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 11:19 am:

I think if this was melissa's first post about how unclean someones house was maybe I would feel different. I think melissa's standards are WAY above what mine are. Did she leave daycare kids with a total stranger, well maybe, maybe she knew of melissa. I just don't think i would turn anyone in off of ONE experience. I know I don't keep a perfect house (heck no where close) but I would bet any of us could on any day have suprise vistors and be embarassed about things, life happens and that means the house isn't always presentable. It would mean a lot more to me if it was that way on a planned meeting. Also I think the number of kids makes a huge difference. 5 kids, two of her own. So she is only watching 3 extra kids, in texas you can watch 4 extra without a license. So maybe that is some of it two, laws differ by state.

By Boxzgrl on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 11:57 am:

Kaye, base laws regarding childcare are nationwide. Not base by base. I know what my standards are for cleaning my house and I know it's above what normal people do. But this girls house looked like an episode of cops, minus the drugs and alcohol. Things everywhere! On base when they do pop in inspections they even inspect your microwave and your not even allowed to give the kids microwave food.

It was unsanitary enough for me not to let Kaitlyn play but I know that's by my standards. But my neighbor who went over there with me was just as disgusted as I was. So I know it can't be just me. And honestly, I don't care about the "uncleanliness". It's about the old food sitting out, dishes piled up, dirty piles of clothes on the floor and couch. If your going to make money out of your house, you should at least have the decency to keep on top of those things.

By Colette on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 12:11 pm:

I would myob - this should be the concern of the parents dropping their children off there, if it doesn't bother them it really shouldn't bother anyone else. If they just drop them off without entering the house then that's their business as well. There could be a lot more to this than you are aware of, it sounds like she was sick so maybe that's the reason the house was a mess? Maybe she really needs the extra money and for whatever reason just hasn't gotten certified yet or hasn't put her sticker in the window, and you said yourself - "I know she is not certified on base. She doesn't have a home daycare sticker in her window, which is required. I don't really care about that situation though, I don't think that part is any of my business." If you really feel that way then none of it is really any of your business. JMO

If she asks you again to fill in (which was really nice of you) say no. There could be more to this situation than you are aware of.

By Conni on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 02:11 pm:

Just curious what your dh says about it?

By Kernkate on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 02:20 pm:

I don't think I would turn her in. I really don't consider her a day care with just 3 children. Maybe they are all in the same family, I don't know. There has been a few times in a week, I was watching my friends kids 2 or 3 at a time and I don't consider it a daycare.
Do you def. know that she does this everyday, or how many kids are there everyday? Is the house messy like this everyday? I don't know but in my opinion, I think I would mind my own business. The parents drop these kids off and "if" the house is that bad then these parents should take their kids out...
Once again, JMO.
Good luck Melissa on whatever you decide.

By Andi on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 02:26 pm:

I don't want to start anything, I'm just asking a question.

Didn't you take care of two children for a few months to earn some extra money? Isn't that the same thing?

I would talk to her before you turn her in, maybe she isn't aware of the rules. I would also tell her how uncomfortable it made you that she asked you to take care of these children...that was very wrong for her to do!

By Boxzgrl on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 02:34 pm:

Andi- I did watch one child for money. The other I did to be a "good friend" which later blew up in my face. You can watch one child on base without certification and only if it's under a certain amount of money. Basically, I can't charge what the certified daycares charge.

I still havn't come to a comfortable decision. I'm still sitting on it. I don't care about the fact that she runs an illegal daycare. It's the condition in which the kids were kept in. It's mortifying. Just like I told my neighbor, she couldn't pay ME to watch MY daughter in those conditions.

By Andi on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 02:52 pm:

Don't the parent see the condition her house is in when they drop off the children?

By Colette on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 02:56 pm:

I really don't think it is a good idea to turn someone in based on one visit to their house when they were sick.

By Beth on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 08:44 pm:

Obviously these parents must see the place and they either don't care or its what they can afford. It should be the parents decision wether they are comfortable with it. But I would not be available next time no matter what. I agree with some of the others also one time is not an indication of how it always is.

By Breann on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 09:13 pm:

I don't know that I would turn her in based on the cleanliness of her house. I'm a clean freak, myself. But the parents have to see that when they drop off.

I would turn her in based on the fact that she had you watch the kids while she went to the dr. That could have been a dangerous situation. She didn't know you at all. If one of my kids were put in that "drop off with a stranger" situation I would be furious. That alone constitues being a "tattle tale" to me.

By Melanie on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 09:22 pm:

Ditto Breann 100%.

By Cocoabutter on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 07:26 am:

I am up early and decided to check this out!

My deal breaker would be this- If something happened to a child in her care, could you live with yourself knowing that you knew and did nothing?

Besides, IMO, a house can be clean, but still be cluttered, since not everyone has the same concern for tidiness, but being sanitary is an entirely different matter that warrants a certain amount of judgement. If you feel that the home was definitely unsanitary, and if you truly feel that the woman is neglectful, I wouldn't be able to rest my conscience if I didn't speak up.

Back when I did daycare, I used to get so ticked off when I heard stories about in-home daycares (and they are everywhere) where a child died b/c of a provider who had no concern whatsoever for the rules of the state. Back in '99, one woman actually had the gall to contest the state's decision to revoke her license after she had been found to be in violation of a dozen different rules and had actually been warned a couple of times. If she has no concern for the rules on the base, then she has no right to earn money off the backs of trusting parents.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 09:53 am:

Ditto the penicillin reaction - like Marcia, I took it all my life and never had a reaction until I was in my early 30's. However, penicillin reactions can be mild to severe, as in actually causing death. That is nothing to take lightly.

I say report her anonymously. IMO, it's unacceptable for a caregiver to transfer the responsibility of the children she is caring for to a stranger, even if that person is not a stranger to HER, the parents of those kids don't know you (or anyone else she may choose to ask), and THAT would be a huge issue for me.

Yes, emergencies come up, but given all the information you've posted, I'd report her for the safety and well being of those kids. I know if MY kids were in that situation, I'd want all the facts and want to know they were in a sanitary environment and were being cared for by the person I was paying to do this job.