would you feel comfortable leaving your child home alone? Me and my SIL had this discussion tonight. Her daughter is 11 going on 18 (if you know what I mean}, and she feels its alright to leave her. My DS is 3 months younger then her DD and I just would never be able to do it! I know her DD is much more mature then my DS but still....And I feel thats why her DD is the way she is because she has to be independent.
She said to me tonight well if you can't leave them home at 11 by themselves you might as well sit home until they are 20 with them....UGH. That's why her kids are like they are and roam and do whatever!
Someday I would just love to speak my peace! I love SIL to death but her parenting skills and mine are totally different.

By Luvn29 on Saturday, October 8, 2005 - 11:36 pm:

Nope, no way would I leave mine alone at age 11. I don't know when I will ever be able to leave mine alone. I worry about all the what ifs... What if the house caught on fire, what if one started choking, what if one got sick, what if one fell and hurt themselves badly enough not to be able to get to a phone for help, what if we got a terrible storm.....

You get the point. I don't feel that at that age, they are ready to handle the things that adults have a hard time dealing with. I think it's sad your niece is being made to grow up sooner than she should.

By Annie2 on Saturday, October 8, 2005 - 11:49 pm:

I started leaving my oldest dd, now 14, by herself at age 11. I now let my second dd, she'll be 12 in Jan. by herself. Sometimes afterschool if I am at a game or for short times in the afternoons if I have to run errands and she really doesn't want to go.

Both of my girls are very responsible and level headed. We have drilled into them...don't open the door; even if they know the person on the other side, only answer calls from dh/ me or my sister, the answering machine can take a message; we have caller id. No cooking, eating junk, using the microwave, stove, washer/dryer, no going outside; even in the backyard.

We also have a small dog that barks at the drop of the hat if she hears anything and a 130 lb sheperd in the house who will bark if the smaller dog keeps it up. My dh and I also have cell phones.

We have done role playing, I have made them watch 20/20 shows, GMA shows about kids and strangers and opening the door, etc. We also have fantastic neighbors all around us, on speed dial and someone is always around.

Once my kids start jr high, I think they are able to gain my trust to stay home by themselves. I did short 30 minutes errands and now feel comfortable with leaving 11 dd for up to and hour or so. Last Friday she did stay home from school sick and I had a field trip planned with ds so she stayed home for three hours but she slept for most of the time.

You have to trust your mommy instincts. Some kids need more time. It's a huge step. A step that will be taken at some point; when you feel ds is ready.

By Coopaveryben on Saturday, October 8, 2005 - 11:50 pm:

It really depends on the kid. Some are more mature than others. I have met 17 year olds I would hesistate to leave alone. I don't think I would hesistate to leave my 11 year old alone for a quick trip to the store (10-15 minutes) especially if I had a cell phone. It is way to young to leave them for hours or all day IMO but if they were pretty mature and I thought they were trustworthy to stay out of trouble I don't see anythign wrong with a very short time.

By Pamt on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 12:03 am:

Ditto Annie. My oldest DS will be 12 in March and we've let him stay home for 30-60 minutes about 3 times so far...and only in the day time. We have the same rules and drills as Annie. We also have a neighbor 5 doors down who is "on the lookout" when we do this and DS knows he can call her if there is an emergency. Don't think I could leave him longer than an hour right now though. BTW, my oldest Ds is VERY responsible and mature. This is the kid who encouraged me to read "1-2-3 Magic" and would put himself in time-out if he knew he had done something wrong even if I didn't know about it. My youngest DS may be 16---or even 22 before I leave him alone though. It is a tough call and one that you have to trust your mommy judgment on and know the personalities of the kids involved.

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 12:17 am:

I started leaving my kids alone, when Sarah was 11. My parents left me home alone, when I was 10. Now, they are 16 and 13.

By Marcia on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 01:19 am:

Today I left 4 of my kids while I went to the chiropractor. They are 9, 10, 11 and 12. I wasn't gone long, and knew they'd be fine. I leave the 12 year old alone for an hour or 2 either with or without her sisters. My 11 year old has special needs and is unable to care for herself. My 10 year old would be too nervous to stay alone without her older sister.
I do the same as Annie - lots of rules, lots of education, and I don't stay out for long. She tool the babysitting course, and my 10 year old will be taking it after Christmas.
I was babysitting all the time at 11.

By Jackie on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 07:14 am:

I agree I think it depends on the child. I have an 11 yr old son. I wouldnt leave him home alone to do a long shopping spree. I do leave him home alone in the mornings while I walk my 6 yr old to school. Since hes in middle school, they start an hour later. Im probably gone a total of 20 minutes. We also ahve 2 large dogs who bark alot.I really have no reason to leave him home alone any other time. When we go out to dinner as a family, he comes with us.

By Yjja123 on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 08:41 am:

Isn't the law higher than 11? My daughter is 11 and is very responsible but I would not leave her alone. It is just a risk I am not yet willing to take.
On the same note--I know I was baby-sitting an infant when I was 11! What that mother was thinking I do not know. I would not let my daughter baby-sit yet either.
I guess I am over protective.

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 09:13 am:

Ditto Annie, and it depends on the child.

And I think Yvonne may be correct, I think the *legal* age is 12.

BUT...

I started leaving mine alone for small periods at around age 11 - like to run to the store for milk, or drop the other child off at an activity - never longer than maybe 20 minutes in the beginning. At age 12, I started letting mine come home after school on the bus and not go to after-care. I had done all the same things as Annie mentioned, and I also had a couple neighbors close by who pretty much looked out for us.

Another thing that was a huge consideration for me is that our community is very small. If we had lived inside the city, or in one of the bigger *burbs*, I don't know that I'd have left them alone that early.

Each situation is different - I think you have to consider where you live, how *savvy* your child is, you have to educate them, and they have to be mature and responsible enough to handle it.

Bottom line - go with your gut - you canNOT go wrong that way.

By Luvn29 on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 10:28 am:

I think that I would consider leaving them alone for 20-30 minutes at that age.... depending on the child. Guess I was thinking more of an all day thing with the initial post, or several hours. Also, if I had a couple or few kids all age 11 and up, I may leave them for a short while, simply because there would be another there to get help if necessary. I just would feel a little better about it if the child were not alone.

I left my nine and six year here while I literally went next door to my parents for about ten minutes, if that, and went crazy. I am very overprotective, though, and I have certain people in this area that I have to worry about for specific reasons, so I guess that sways my opinion some, too..

By Kaye on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 11:58 am:

The legal age differes by state (ohio it is 12 btw). In texas the law reads something like they cannot be left at home when it puts them in a possibly dangerous situation. There was a reccomended age chart somewhere I will try to find.

As for my kids, a year ago if you had asked me I would have laughed, my then just turned 11 year old wasn't ready, my 9 year old I could leave at home for a few (30 or so ) minutes if I was going to be down the street. My youngest one will never be left But fast forward just 9 monhts. My 11 year old gets left at times for a few house. She will be 12 in feb. And just friday night she had her first paid babysitting job. She was down the street and I was home, but she sat and put this boy to bed (he was 6) for 3 hours. She loved it and it was in her element. As for girls I can attest that this is a huge year for them, they grow up fast. She went from playing with barbies to wearing a bra and makeup on days really within in about 4 months.

Ultimately it matters what your gut tells you. I knew when she was ready. We also transistioned into it, I left her home during the middle of the day while I ran to the store, etc. At this point, I don't think more than 4 hours and not past 10 pm. I also am not ready to leave her hom with her 9 year old brother. They aren't mature enough to not fight.

By Mommmie on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 12:20 pm:

No legal age here and kids start staying home alone at 10 or 11. Babysitting others for pay at age 12.

By Breann on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 12:25 pm:

My next door neighbor leaves her 4 year old and 1 year old home alone when she takes her 7 year old to school. She's gone about 10 minutes total. I would NEVER risk that.
She barely watches her kids when she's home. I've sent my dd over to her house to inform her that her 1 year old is half way down the block. Cars go very fast on our street even though the speed limit is only 25.

By Luvn29 on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 12:46 pm:

Breann, that is insane. I think I would have to turn her in to the authorities. Just in my opinion, that is a form of neglect.

By Emily7 on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 01:18 pm:

I don't know how old is old enough, I didn't like it when my sister started leaving my nephews home alone, but nothing has happened.

Breann I also would call the cops, in fact I have on an old neighbor. I looked out the window & saw all of her kids in the middle of winter in t-shirts only. It only takes a second for something to happen to those poor children. I don't understand the mentality of some mothers. If you don't want the responsibility to take care of children, don't have them. What if she is in an accident on the way home from taking her 7 year old to school.

By Amecmom on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 02:20 pm:

Ditto! I would never leave little ones alone! That is child endangerment. Does she just not know? Or does she just not care?

As far as legal age, I don't think we have a legal age in NY. It's more of a dependant on the child thing. I will not leave my little ones with a 13 or even 14 year old. Fine as a mother's helper, but as the sole person responsible in the house - no way!
I think I was probably 8 or so when my mom started leaving me home while she did the shopping, but that was a very different time and I was a very responsible kid.
I would not do that now.
Ame

By Cat on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 02:35 pm:

I really don't think we can go by when we were left home alone. That was a totally different time and kids now are SO different than they were 20-30-40 years ago. I remember being left home alone at like 8 or 9. I also grew up in the country and my grandmother lived right next door and my uncle on the other side of her. Having said that, we do leave the boys alone for up to about 2-3 hours. We always have our cell phones with us and they know not to answer the phone unless it's us (or grandma--caller ID) and not to open the door for ANYONE!!! I don't care if it's our pastor, they do NOT open that door. lol We started out leaving them about a year ago for like 15 minutes at a time (to run up to the grocery store or to the school). They know the rules while we're gone and they know if they break them they'll lose the privilage of staying home alone (that's how they see it--a privilage). We haven't had any problems. We also have several neighbor that would let us know if they're doing anything they're not supposed to be doing or they can go to in case of an emergency. I really think a lot depends on the child. Btw, mine are 10 and 12 (in two days).

By Imamommyx4 on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 04:19 pm:

I started gritting my teeth and letting them be home alone when the oldest ds was 11 almost 12. But that was for 20 minute runs to the market 4 miles down the road. And then as they became more responsible and such the trips got longer. I worried a little less b/c there were 3 here together and they would narc each other out in a heart beat and protect each other, too. The youngest of those 3 ds are now 20 so dd is sort of an only child. She's more mature than the 3 of them put together NOW. And I would trust her to not open doors or answer the telephone and be responsible now, but obviously, that ain't gonna happen. I just don't know when I will feel comfortable leaving a little girl home alone. The rest of the world is so messed up.

By Kernkate on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 08:45 am:

Great Point everyone has made about educating them, how responsible they are, etc.
I did try it yesterday with DS when I ran to the store,20 minutes but I made sure both cell phone were on just in case,one at home and mine.
I am more nervous about it then he is. He said mom I am fine. Guess I am just a worry wart. DS is very responsible and is mature for 11 I think.
I guess I am going by when I was growing up an only child, Dad on the police force, I was never left alone probably till I was at least 13 if I remember correctly.

By Cocoabutter on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 07:30 am:

I never stayed home alone until I was 14, when my mom got a temp job. Then when I was 17, my parents went out of state and I had a couple of friends over and we had a few drinks....

It depends on the maturity of the child. It's a judgement call only the parents can make. Actually, 11 yr-olds might be more trustworthy than teenagers, based on my experience....

By Andyjoy on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 07:31 pm:

When I was 10, my parents would hire a babysitter if they were going out at night or for more than an hour.

When I was 11, my 9.5 year old sister and I were home alone for about an hour after school every day. My parents also would leave us alone for up to 4 hours. I began babysitting during daylight hours or at night at my parent's house.

By age 14, I was allowed to babysit at night at other people's houses.

I think it differs by kid. My sister was older when my parents would leave her alone (without me).

I also used to babysit a 13-year-old who was WAY too immature to be left alone or with her 11 & 7 year old siblings.