Sometimes I feel like DH expects so much out of me!! Ok, back to doing more house work. Have to have it "spotless" !!! UGH!! I could just scream!!

This is an improper use of the anonymous feature. Please read the posting guidelines.

By Vicki on Friday, October 7, 2005 - 03:53 pm:

Oh that would be so hard. I feel for you. I am some what of a neat/clean freak, but I put that pressure on myself. Dh doesn't "expect" it to be that way at all.

By Brandy on Friday, October 7, 2005 - 04:17 pm:

Well i don't think it's improper if her husband would see this and beat her for it (not saying that's the case at all though)...

By Luvn29 on Friday, October 7, 2005 - 09:09 pm:

It seems like this would be okay to use anonymous if she just needs some support, and doesn't want anyone knowing that her husband is the way he is. I know when I was with my ex, and even with my husband now as great as he is, I still hide the things that irk me from my family. I feel like I am being "disloyal" if I say anything negative.

By Kaye on Friday, October 7, 2005 - 09:59 pm:

i agree i think it was an appropriate use too, it is awful personal to admit that you are having some marital issues until you are good and ready to do so.

By Nicki on Saturday, October 8, 2005 - 04:31 am:

Anon, I hope you don't mind my saying, but your husband sounds difficult, at least when it comes to cleanliness. It must be quite stressful to live under such circumstances. I hope you feel you can come here to talk about it if you feel the need.

I am a bit confused about the appropriate time to use the anonymous feature. I have read the guidelines. Perhaps one of the moderators could give some more explanation? Personally, I would post this anon myself, because I would feel this was of a "personal" and "sensitive" nature. Also, sadly, not all husbands respect their wife's privacy. (I hope this isn't the situation for anon)
Thank you!

By Karen~moderator on Saturday, October 8, 2005 - 09:00 am:

I have copied the rules regarding the use of Anonmous feature here:

The Anonymous feature is available for use when posting on issues of a personal, sensitive nature ONLY. Misuse of the anonymous feature (i.e., using it for obviously non-personal, non-sensitive issues or to post something negative against another user) will result in immediate deletion of the post. Repeated misuse will result in loss of posting privileges at this board. Although the identity of anonymous posters is not known to the general public, these posts can be traced to identify users in extreme cases by administration. All users should be aware of this when using this feature.

By Kernkate on Saturday, October 8, 2005 - 09:10 am:

{{{Anon}}}JMO but if my DH said he wanted the house spotless, he best have some cleaning supplies in His hands to use!
Hope things will get better for you Anon.

By Karen~moderator on Saturday, October 8, 2005 - 09:20 am:

LOL Kathy! DITTO that! I wish all men (people) could understand that raising the kids is more important than the house being spotless! The kids will only be kids for a short while in the grand scheme of things. The less-than-spotless house will be there tomorrow. Plenty of time for a spotless house when the kids are grown.

By Tink on Saturday, October 8, 2005 - 11:28 am:

I'm with Kathy. If my dh wants a spotless house, especially with kids in the house, I'd be wondering if his arms were broken. I put a lot of pressure on myself to have the house clean. I am a SAHM so I don't want friends to stop by and wonder what I'm doing all day since my house is a wreck. BUT when (and it doesn't happen often) my dh says anything he knows he'll be asked if his "housekeeping hands" are broken. He works, I work, just in different places. Is your dh willing to talk about his expectations and compromise a bit? {{{Anon}}}

By Breann on Saturday, October 8, 2005 - 11:31 am:

((((hugs))))

I'm sorry you are having stress over this. Just remember what everyone above has said. Good advice.

I think that it was an appropriate use. Even after reading the rules.

By Amecmom on Saturday, October 8, 2005 - 05:17 pm:

Hugs from me, too! It must be so hard when someone who is supposed to support and help you is a source of stress and anxiety.
I would have posted Anon on this, too. It might be embarrassing to have your husband come across this, even innocently.

I've read the rule several times and I don't understand how this post violates it.
"issues of a personal, sensitive nature" is very broad. What is personal and sensitive to one person may seem commonplace and not a big deal to someone else, but unless you walk in their shoes and live their lives, you can't know.

Is it possible to sit down with him and talk about how he makes you feel? Can you say, When you criticize me about the house, I feel ... Or, I do my best. If there are things you can do better, feel free to do them?

My guess is that you can't have that kind of discussion, so, what can you do? You can't change his response, behavior or expectations, but you do have control over yourself. If the house isn't to his liking, let him say what he wants, you need to just let it roll off your back. You can't allow it to make you upset.
Ame

By Nicki on Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 01:39 pm:

Well said, Ame.