I am stuck with something in my life. And it revolves around the abuse the kids and I suffered at the hands of my ex-husband. A lot of the abuse was verbal. And I still believe a lot of those messages after four years, counseling and the success of being on my own with my children. I don't know how to get those negative messages out of my head. The ones that say "you'll never make it, you are plain, you are crazy, who would want you, you can't keep a job", etc. Its not a constant thought process, its way back in my subconscious. Sometimes I still feel controlled because those thoughts are so engrained in my self. Has anyone else ever BTDT? What helped you? Are there any good books I can read? I don't want to be that person anymore!

By Conni on Thursday, October 6, 2005 - 06:29 pm:

Sounds like an excellent start to a better you!!! You recognize what you feel, you know its not true and that you are a GREAT person and you know you need to let these thoughts exit your mind as quickly as they slip in.

Keep some scriptures around your house (bathroom mirror, frig, kitchen cabinets, etc..) Or keep some positive poems or thoughts written down so you can look at them and remind yourself that you are cool and he was a fool..

Humor... Lots of humor. I have to laugh at myself and what a dork I am. I screw up, so what, so does everyone else! Pick yourself up and try again.

Counseling? Is that something you are interested in? I am sure it would help to go bounce things off someone.

At dinner time, have your kids go around the table and tell their favorite thing about THEMSELF and/or the person next to them... You do the same.


Smile!!! You have to smile... You got rid of the loser!! You took control when you ended the negative/abusive relationship. Good for you!! Be proud of YOU!

By Wandilu on Friday, October 7, 2005 - 11:52 pm:

YES,I know EXACTLY how you feel!!!I was married to my X for 15 yrs,and he still abused me for a while after the divorce.That was 19 yrs ago,and I still have problems from it.He was abusive physically and mentally.My children suffered badly from this,and still do ,in a lot of ways,even though they are grown.I have only in the past 10 yrs really started to get past this.I had 2 un-successful marriages after him,because of my "screwupness".(My current dh was also my 3rd dh.We divorced and then remarried months later.Things are WONDERFUL now).I came to a point that I knew that I just didn't know how to "fix" my life,and it was only getting worse.So,I turned to God.I had been saved many years before,but did not know how to let God be God.I thought I could fix everything myself.And,boy,did I !!!So,about 10 yrs ago,I came back to God,and started the journey of letting Him turn things around.It's been rough,but life is so much better now.I got involved in a very spiritual church.And I read a lot of christian'self-help' books.I highly suggest listening to ,and reading Joyce Myers material.One of my favorite books is"Beauty For Ashes".PLEASE read it.I also went through a christian course that included co-dependency classes,mentoring,counceling,etc.That really started opening up the hidden wounds that I've carried around forever.See,I had a lot of problems from my childhood,that just made me feel like I DESERVED the abuse!!I am involved in a wonderful christian counceling and it is changing my whole life!!!!For many,many years I felt quilty for getting my divorce.Now,I see that I did a very brave thing by LEAVING HIM, and YOU SHOULD TOO !!! Reach out and let yourself get the help,and validation that you need to finish getting through this.If you like,you can email me at rlkwlk777@fhtm.us