Ok
I know this has been discussed until the cows come home But I am hurt, frustrated and just getting depressed. My dh and I have not had sex since labor day ( well one quickie since then). To some this may not be long, but after one week it bothers me if we haven't.
This is not a new topic. This happens regularly and has since we got married five years ago. Now it is like he has no sex drive ( nothing physically wrong with him). He never initiates sex I always do. I try to wait and let him, but after so many hints and waiting I give in. Sex great when we do have it and take the time. We are both able to fulfill eachother, but the process to get there is agonizing to me. I have asked and told him that I want to have sex and not in a naggy way. It is weird. This last week I was on my period and it was like the last day so barely anything, I just wore a tamponi n case. I asked him early in the evening (that is his best time not night time) and he said no that he felt weird about it. He never felt weird about it before. We have had sex during that time many times before and it was messy but he didn't have a problem with it and it would not have been messy at all that paticular time. And now he won't touch me a lot unless I keep shaved. This is somewhat new. He would regularly "forget" to give any foreplay stimulation, so I shaved and it helped. He would actually give oral sex. Well now he barely will do anything to me when I am not shaved. He used to give oral willingly and then all of a sudden (once we got married) wouldn't do it but once a year or so. It is like before he liked all these things and now he says he feels weird about it or something. I don't know what is going on. Just this last year in a half have started to be able to orgasm on a regular basis with him and so naturally I like it more. I just don't know what to do.
Our anniversary is in a few days and I know that he will want it to be romantic and stuff, but I am not feeling and at diff. times I don't want to
I feel like he has put me through all this and then when it is "time" I just turn on like a light bulb. I just want to get back at him and refuse (I never have refused him at all. He ahs me too much).
Any advice is welcome. I mostly wanted to vent

By Kim on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 11:54 pm:

{{{HUGS}}}}

I am sorry you are so frustrated. I wish I had some advice for you but I really cannot think of anything. I KNOW someone here can offer some kind of suggestions. Have you had a heart to heart with him?

By Anonymous on Thursday, September 29, 2005 - 11:48 am:

I can totally relate to how you are feeling as my ex husband was this way. He just had a very low drive and I was always frustrated. Sometimes I thought he must be doing *other* things. lol Like in the shower or something. He also would withhold s e x for very long periods of time when I would make him mad. Like you, I always had to initiate it and many times would be turned down. It was quite deflating. It isnt YOU! It's him and you need to talk with him about this repeatedly until he *gets it*. If he cant perform the actual act everytime you want it, then he could atleast be holding you, whispering wonderful things in your ear and reminding you how much he loves you... Pamt has recommended a book on here before many times that might be good for you and your dh to read together!! I hope she will post the name of it. ;)

One thing I did figure out with him was that if I let him sleep for awhile and woke him up in the middle of the night, touching him, he was more relaxed and ready to play. Same for in the early morning hours. Weekends were better too.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, September 30, 2005 - 12:47 am:

Thinking this is getting lost in the post, bumping it back to the top for you...

I suggest a conversation with your DH. Sounds like he might be having some issues... With my DH I have found that a letter often works better than trying to speak to him... A letter doesn't have a tone of voice or an look on its face.. and it is easier for me to sort out my thoughts that way..

And lastly when DH and I were first married (for years into our marriage) I wanted it always. He never did.. I would have to make all advances. Now 18 years later I have to beat him off with a stick. He drives me crazy sometimes.. God love him but at 40 he is worse than any teen aged boy I ever dated..