There is a mom at Dylan's Preschool that parks in the HANDICAP PARKING every day! She doesn't have a handicap parking sticker and she looks totally healthy as do her 3 children.
There is a part of me that knows it really doesn't affect me, I should just forget about it and get on with my life.

Then there is the other part...the other 99% of me! That gets so angry. I can feel my heart start to race and I feel it it my stomach. I get so mad that she just parks there like it's no big deal. The are 3 handicap spots infront of D's class and she ALWAYS parks in one instead of parking in a normal spot and walking her kids to the class. He goes to school at our church so there are elderly people coming and going all the time. What if they need one of those spots? They are usually empty but what if......

What should I do?? DH said "Don't start problems with the mom's, you have to deal with them all year" I was thinking of talking to the director, but I'm sure she has moms complaining to her all the time.

Help! I am so stressed over this and I want your honest opinion...should I just mind my own business????

By Cat on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 05:09 pm:

You could leave her an anon note on her windshield that says, "You're handicap is obvious--you can't read." I had a friend that used to do that. (she'd also leave "tips" on napkins like "Tip--don't play in traffic" if the service was bad! lol) Seriously, I'd talk to the director. I'd feel funny confronting her, too. I think it'd be the director's place to do that. Good luck.

By Kate on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 05:10 pm:

You could always take her aside with a big look of concern and say something like, 'I'm so sorry, I didn't realize....if there's anything I can do, please let me know.' She'll look at you blankly, I'm sure, to which you can helpfully explain, 'I keep noticing you parking in the handicapped spaces and I feel badly for not realizing you had a medical issue. I do hope it's temporary and you'll be well soon!' Sincere, concerned smile on Andi's face....evil grin on Kate's face. tee hee

By Marcia on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 05:23 pm:

It needs to be dealt with, but the director really should do it. It's true that many people have invisible special needs that would cause them to need the parking space, but if that was the case she'd have a permit. I have spoken to people, more than once, about abusing spots.
I have a permit and a child in a wheelchair, and another child with special needs who could easily take off. Sometimes I feel guilty using the spaces because I can walk, and maybe someone else has it harder than me. I NEVER use it without C with me.

By Colette on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 05:28 pm:

Have the director deal with it or call the pd.

By Vicki on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 05:38 pm:

If it really bothers you, I would bring it up to the director and let them deal with it.

By Andi on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 05:38 pm:

I will talk to the Director tomorrow afternoon. DH is going to pick D up from school today.

I guess it's not just me that feels this way!

By Mrsheidi on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 05:51 pm:

I might even put a sticky note on the sign with her name on it..."Exludes _______" She should NOT park there. I would be so angry.

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 05:59 pm:

I thought it was actually illegal to park in a handicapped spot, without the proper credentials. I suppose she isn't in the space long enough to call the cops, though! I guess I would talk to the director. Do you get some kind of newsletter occasionally? She could make a general comment in there about it.

By Amecmom on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 06:00 pm:

I really do like Kate's idea, though. It is so cool ... but it really is better left to the director. You don't need the mom giving you an attitude.
Ame

By Colette on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 06:09 pm:

It is illegal.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 07:29 pm:

I dealt for many years with my wheel-chair bound father, and then with my mother, who had serious walking problems and for a period was wheel-chair bound. I take handicapped parking spaces very seriously. (After mom died and I transferred the title from mom+me to just me, I lost the handicapped plate, and for a short period of time missed it, though I never used the privilege unless mom was with me.)

Actually, I wouldn't talk to the director, I'd talk to the pastor. The handicapped parking spaces are for the use of church members who are handicapped, and the pastor would be the person most concerned. The pastor could speak to the mom, and, if s/he chooses, tell the mom that if she persists, the pastor will report her to the police. This way you keep the director out of the middle, and leave it in the hands of the person who has the most authority and the most reason to deal with it.

I don't know what parking in a handicapped space costs in your area, but in my area it is a $100 parking ticket.

I applaud you for your concern. It does't affect you in the slightest, but you are angry on behalf of the persons who might be affected and angry because of her blatant disregard of simple courtesy. I will bet this is not the only place she parks in handicapped spaces. I see them all the time.

At my local library there are 8 handicapped spaces, and they are, of course, nearest to the library. When I see a car without a handicapped license plate or hanging tag I tell one of the librarians (I have volunteered there a lot, so I am friends with most of them), and they usually make an announcement over the PA system, giving a description of the car and saying, you are parking in a handicapped parking space and you risk having your car ticketed. Please be advised that the local police inspect our lot regularly for such violations. (The local police station is 2 blocks away, and actually the police do drive by frequently.)

By Luvn29 on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 08:19 pm:

As one of those healthy looking disabled people, I have a very difficult time using my legally issued Permanent Disabled Parking Placard. I could not imagine using a handicap space not being disabled. I get very upset about seeing these spots misused, especially when there are very few to begin with.

Yes, it is illegal. I would call the cops and tell them that there is a person who parks illegally everyday and I expect something to be done about it.

I'm glad that even though it doesn't affect you personally you are a good and caring enough person to want something done about it.

Besides that, how is it fair to all of the other healthy people who have values and morals to have to park further away and follow the laws when she doesn't have to?

By Kim on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 08:29 pm:

Please tell the Director. It is the school's responsibility to talk to her and take further action if need be.

By Pamt on Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 10:11 pm:

As the wife of a minister whose church is also a daycare, preschool, and K-12 school, please DON'T bring it up to the pastor!! I can assure you that the pastor has plenty of other stuff to deal with, plus it is really a school issue not a church issue (though of course there is overlap). I would do as others suggested and tell the director and let her handle it through the proper chain of command.

It really peeves me too!!

By Eve on Thursday, September 29, 2005 - 02:30 pm:

Wow! I can honsetly say, I don't think I have ever parked in a handicapped spot without being with someone who needed to park there. Good for you for saying something!

By Kaye on Thursday, September 29, 2005 - 02:39 pm:

Okay well let me add my 2cents. My son has arthritis. You really wouldn't know it most days. For awhile we had a handicap tag. (i didn't renew it because he was doing good). But ya know most people would never see him and think oh he has an issue. I certainly notice his limp, others don't. Also after dealing with mildly autistic kids, who can also get handicap tags, that isn't something you would notice either. So before you say something to someone, you may want to look REAL close and make sure they don't have a hang tag (or it can be on the plate). I respect those spaces ( my mom was in a chair), and i know not everyone does. In texas it is a 300 dollar fine. If you are sure she doesn't have a tag, you could say something to her along kates lines, or you could say, did you know it is a big fine if you don't have your tag showing when you park. I might mention it to the director also.

By Karen~moderator on Thursday, September 29, 2005 - 02:51 pm:

Ditto everyone who has brought up that not all handicaps are not immeditely *visible*. HOWEVER, I would talk to the director, because if there is no handicap going on, she IS breaking the law, not to mention being terribly inconsiderate of those who ARE handicapped.

By Andi on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 07:57 pm:

Well I spoke to the director today and she didn't think it was a problem. I told her that it really bothers me and it is just plain rude for her to do this. The reason she parks there is out of convenience not necessity and it makes my blood boil.

She said she would put something in the news letter but that is about all she said she would do. That make ame a little angy but what more can I do?

Oh well, I said something and I have a feeling I will end up saying something to the mom before to long if this continues.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 08:10 pm:

I can't believe the director is so unconcerned about it. THAT would tick me off!

By Annie2 on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 - 08:12 pm:

Good for you, Andi!

By Andi on Wednesday, October 12, 2005 - 07:19 pm:

Well I did it! I said something to her about 20 minutes ago!!! She was standing in line behind me getting ready to pick up her little one and she was parked in the handicap parking AGAIN.

I asked her if there was a reason she parked there maybe one of her children or maybe herself had a handicap that wasn't visible to the eye? She said her hands are always full with the kids and it's just easy and the director told her it was okay because it is on private property.

I told her that it really bothered me and that I didn't think it was okay. I told her I am a member of this church and there are many elderly and handicap members that may need to park there.

She said she was sorry and said she wouldn't park there anymore if it bothered me so much.

I told her "It's your choice I just wanted to let you know that it really bothered me and I didn't agree with what she was doing!" We will see if she continues to park there

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, October 12, 2005 - 08:06 pm:

GO GIRL! Good for you! I can't believe the director told her she could park there. I probably would not have been able to say something to her. Way to go!

By Juli4 on Wednesday, October 12, 2005 - 10:50 pm:

This is kind of against what everyone else is saying, but if you are not handicap and need the space, the director told her it was fine, and I assume that not a lot of older people go to the church during school hours, I don't see why it is such a problem. If you don't have handicapp people at the school that need it or anything. She probably does have her hands full and the director said it was fine and it is not illegal if it is on private property. I would be offended if someone came up and said that to me. It seems to me that you are just getting bent out of shape over something she obviously already thought to ask about so she it is not like she is having the attitude " the heck with anyone else". That is just my opinion on it. It is a little late, but now she is going to feel judged and awkard with or at least I would. I say if it isn't hurting anything and it is only for minutes a day and she has permission then why is your business to say anything. Don't you have other things to worry about?

By Juli4 on Wednesday, October 12, 2005 - 10:54 pm:

My post seems kind of offensive, but I would definetely feel differently if it was at a library or store or something like that.

By Christylee on Wednesday, October 12, 2005 - 11:11 pm:

I agree with Andi and YOU GO GIRL for saying something, I'd done the same thing. EVERYONE there has their hands full as they are all picking up kids, what makes HER so special? Permits are for a reason, if everyone had the same mentality as she does what good does permits/rules do. I'd be willing to bet she does it other places too.

I'll be interested to hear if she keeps it up.

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, October 12, 2005 - 11:15 pm:

Devil's advocate here...doesn't EVERYONE have their hands full when they have little ones coming to a preschool? Handicapped spaces aren't for people who aren't handicapped. They weren't intended to 'help out' the healthy population, you know? Seems to me like this woman (I'm sure unintentionally) decided to misuse a handicapped space with "permission" because she realized it was more convenient for her. The spaces were created for a specific reason and letting one person misuse them gives everyone the right to misuse them. I think the fault here is really with the director. JMHO.

By Juli4 on Wednesday, October 12, 2005 - 11:47 pm:

I would say that it was right to talk to the director, but to confront her personally was a bit nosey. If you complained to the director and the director said it was fine then it was no longer your problem. I would have let it go on and then if someone needed it and it was unavailable then I would have let the director catch the flack from it. I wouldn't put myself into a situation that I had no authority unless I saw that it was directly affecting someone that was handicapp or if I had a handicapp or my children did. I am just saying that I don't make it my business to tell other people what to do or not to do or to make them feel uncomfortable when there isn't an immediate need to do so.
I am sure everyone does have their hands full. I have kids 4, 2, and 1 and no I never use the handicapp space anywhere. Although it was convient when I went with my MIL places and she had one.

By Andi on Thursday, October 13, 2005 - 12:22 am:

First I want to say I am not upset with your post Julie and I appreciate what you are saying but...

It is just wrong and down right rude not to mention illegal! Handicap spaces are for handicap and elderly not a 20 something mom with 3 children who is perfectly healthy and able to walk with her children thought the parking lot. I don't think it was rude or nosey. I agree that the spots aren't being used but she treats this handicap spot like it's own reserved parking spot. She was there 10 minutes early today and there were tons of close, open spots for her and she STILL parked in the handicap spot. That was the reason I said something, it was just so obvious she is abusing the "permission" she has to use these spots. There are plenty of other mothers that have new babies or multiple children and they park in the parking lot with all the other able bodied mothers.

I agree that she may feel uncomfortable but that isn't my problem she is the one parking in a handicap spot when she shouldn't be. I said how I feel to her and not behind her back. Whats to say she dosent do this every where she goes. Now she will be more aware of what she is doing and know that it is wrong!!!!

By Marcia on Thursday, October 13, 2005 - 12:30 am:

Andi, I was just going to say that. If she does it there, she probably does it everywhere. Also, how does anyone know that the director really said that?
We sure do all have our hands full, but so what? Just because that spot isn't typically used, what if I pulled in one day and needed that spot to get Chrissy out with her chair? You can never know when a new family will show up, when the grandparents of a child will come, etc. It is wrong, and it was right of you to say something. That's called being an advocate, and you don't have to be the one with special needs to advocate for those who do. Good for you!

By Emily7 on Thursday, October 13, 2005 - 12:30 am:

I think you were right to say something Andi!

By Colette on Thursday, October 13, 2005 - 05:51 am:

I think you were right in saying something. You have to be totally ignorant to park in a handicapped parking spot without the proper plates/permits.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, October 13, 2005 - 07:53 am:

You were absolutely right, Andi, and I applaud you. That took a lot of courage, especially after getting shot down by the director. Handicapped spaces are reserved for handicapped persons. I don't know what the law is for such spaces on private property, but still, she is taking advantage and doesn't have a good reason. I'm glad you spoke to her. It sounds like you are the only person who called it to her attention, though, of course, she should have known anyhow.

And I agree with those who suggest that if she does it there, she may do it other places also.

I remember one time when I was taking my mom to the drugstore, and the only handicapped space open was the one farthest from the door. All of the spaces immediately in front of the store were clearly marked "handicapped". I noticed a couple of teenage boys parked in the space closest to the door and went over to them to point out that they were illegally parked in a handicapped space. Their response was that there were other handicapped spaces open, and they were waiting for a friend. My response was that because they were taking up the space closest to the door, my handicapped mother (walking with a cane at that time) had to walk from the space farthest from the door - about 20 feet, instead of being able to go directly into the store. They apologized, said they hadn't thought of that, and immediately pulled out of the space to park elsewhere while waiting for their friend.

Again, applause for you, Andi.

By Luvn29 on Thursday, October 13, 2005 - 08:13 am:

First, I seriously doubt the director said that. Second, even if he/she did, it's not up to them to let someone without a permit use it. By law, any public use building has to be in accordance with disabled and handicap laws, thus including handicap parking spaces. Even if the director said it was okay, the law says it isn't, and that is what stands.

I have a permanant disabled tag. I don't use it very often. Actually very rarely. Only when I am feeling very badly, and especially somewhere like a large hospital or something where you much park far away without it. If she didn't feel uncomfortable and judged using that parking space when she didn't need it, I can guarantee you she isn't going to think twice about feeling uncomfortable about Andi speaking up to her. You don't ever know when someone different will be there that truly does need that space. And what makes her special that singles her out to be able to use that space because she has her hands full when probably practically every other mother there does, too.

Last time I checked, having your hands full didn't count as being legally disabled. Guess she'll just have to learn to juggle like the rest of us do. I have two kids and a handicap, and I don't take advantage of them very often at all. Especially when there are very few cause I'm always afraid someone a little worse than me may need it.

Andi, I wish more people were like you and would speak up about these things. People need to quit being so "politically correct" when it comes to something they know is wrong and take the stand. Thank you.

By Kernkate on Thursday, October 13, 2005 - 08:56 am:

Andi, I totally agree with you saying something to this lady. I can see once if her hands well full with the kids. But every day? She must be very special if the director told her it was ok, and as said above. Its illegal no matter what the director said.
Even when I go to school to take my DS or DD in with projects they have done I do not park in the handicapped space. Wouldn't even think of it.
No excuse for laziness. JMO
I know when my Mom was sickly and I took her out and she had a handicapped placecard for their car, Do you know how many times I couldn't find a spot ,because ignorant people like this lady had taken the spots up. That use to make me so darn mad!

By Rayanne on Thursday, October 13, 2005 - 09:13 am:

By Ilovetom on Thursday, October 13, 2005 - 10:13 am:

You did the right thing. No one knows hands full in the past better than I. I had twin *babies* and one in preschool. I didn't park in the handicap.

IMO- she is LAZY.

By Karen~moderator on Thursday, October 13, 2005 - 10:51 am:

I think she's abusing the *privilege* also. And I agree, EVERYone with more than one child has their hands full. When I had Jen, Jeff was 15 months old, and I had Julie and Jason with me almost everytime I went somewhere. I had a double stroller, 2 diaper bags, and 4 kids. *MY* hands were full. Granted, the 2 older ones didn't need the watchful eye that toddlers/young children need in parking lots, etc., but it was a MAJOR undertaking to go anywhere at all with 4 kids, and very time consuming. My point being, ALL moms have their hands full. *WHAT IF* there were handicapped moms, or moms with handicapped kids, going to this preschool? *WHAT IF* an older, handicapped parishioner showed up at the church for any number of reasons during school hours?

I think people who park in handicapped spots when they shouldn't probably do it EVERYwhere they go. They have this sense of entitlement because *their* life is so busy, etc. It's WRONG. PERIOD.

By Dana on Thursday, October 13, 2005 - 01:21 pm:

Here's my two cents. Sounds like the woman took your comments quite nicely. she obviously knew she was doing something wrong, but figured it made no difference. Sounds like by her knowing this, it was of no surprise when you made a comment to her. I wouldn't worry about it any more.

Sometimes we all do things we can "get away with" simply because no one has ever said anything to oppose us. Then when we learn that it does bother or affect someone, we are happy to stop. No big deal.

I'm glad you spoke up. I'm sure there were other parent's who resented seeing her park there as they hurried to their cars juggling multiple children/babies.

By Andi on Thursday, October 13, 2005 - 04:35 pm:

Well the mom and I talked today after I dropped DS off at school. She said she was sorry and she felt really bad about the whole thing. She said she wished I would have taken her to the side and said something (I totally agree with that). She said she spoke with the director to make sure she wasn't doing anything wrong and the director said she was fine. But out of respect for me and the way I feel she is no longer going to park there.

I feel better about the whole thing and I must admit, she seems like a very nice person.