A serious question
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive October 2005:
A serious question
I'm going anonymous to protect my friend's identity.
The mum of one my son's friends at his old school had an accident a year and a half ago. We have become friends as my son and her son are really good friends, however i don't feel our friendship is deep enough to have certain conversations.
This woman (very young: 24 yo), fell from the third floor while clening windows. She broke almost every bone in her feet (especially the left) and now is in a weelchair. The have done a few operations and have told her that she would walk again as her back is not badly damaged. But they have told her that they would have to cut her left foot from below the knee as all of her bones were completely broken and could not be restored.
She told me that she had accepted the idea and that she was not afraid as she was told that with a protesis she would be able to walk again in a few weeks after cutting her leg. At first i thought that if she was ok with it then it must be ok but then talking to my mother and sister they were horrified and told me that she should get a second opinion.
That made me think and now i would like to tell her that is possible to get a second opinion. I would suppose that with something like gangrene doctors would be forced to cut her leg but if is something to do with the bones then other options could be available.
I realize that this is a very delicate situation and that is none of my business, but my sister said that once the leg is gone there would be no other option and i also thought that once the leg is gone as the circulation is stopped there would be other problems.
I really don't know what to do, but i would really like to say something otherwise i would never forgive myself. She has made the decision but the operation was put back another six months because they lost her new address and couldn't contact her.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? what are the options out there? I know there will be people who would advise me not to say anything but i prefer if she doesn't talk to me again than to stay silent.
I would appreciate your thoughts and if you can pray for her too. I believe in God and strongly believe that she could be cured, but that is another story. Thank you all in advance.
Isn't it possible that sometime while she is talking about her leg and what the plans are that you just say something like, "have you ever gotten a second opinion about it?" It just seems so drastic and permanent that I think I would want to get one." I don't think just asking the question would offend anyone. Now, I don't think that I would go into great detail saying that I thought that it was the wrong choice to make etc, but just asking the question as to if she got a second opinion wouldn't be all that offensive to anyone.
I totally agree with Vicki. Even if you offend her you are trying to help her which is the greater good so I wouldn't worry about it.
I don't think she'd be offended. Is she's felt free enough to talk with you about it, I would think she'd be fine with questions.
I would ask her like, "So, what did your second opinion have to say?" Like it is something expected in this situation. Maybe act shocked that she didn't get one and try to get her to realize the permanency (sp?) of the situation?
I would strongly encourage her to get a second opinion from one of the best orthopedic specialists in your area, preferably one at a teaching hospital. Tell me what area she is in and what big cities and/or universities are nearby and I'll do some quick Googling to give you ideas to give her.
Yes, they do wonderful things with prosthetics, and that should not be forgotten. But I would never, never, never do something so drastic and irreversible without a second and maybe a third opinion (except in an emergency, of course).
It would be helpful to know if the doctors treating her are those her employer and or the workers' compensation insurance carrier sent her to in the first place. In most states, after 90 days after the injury you can pick your own doctors and the workers' comp carrier still pays.
Is she collecting workers' comp lost-wage benefits? Is workers' comp paying her medical bills, wheelchair, and other supplemental stuff made necessary by her injuries? Has she talked to a lawyer about the possibility of third party liability (some piece of equipment or something else that could have contributed to her fall)?
Anon - if you email me at klipvm(at)rcn.com, I'd like to talk with you about this young woman. She may not be aware of a variety of legal rights she has, and you could possibly be of real help to her. I will certainly respect your privacy.
hmmm...never thought about it being work related. I just assumed she was cleaning her own windows. If it is workers comp, wouldn't they require a second opinion??
My sister in law's father fell from a tree while hunting a few years back. He shattered both his heels (makes me cringe to think of it). He is in his 60's and the doctors fixed his feet. He had surgery and was sort of crawling around for a while but now he can walk just fine.
She definitely needs a second opinion.
Maybe next time you see her you can ask how her legs/feet are feeling. And maybe she will start talking about it, then ask her "have you gotten a second opinion?"
Definately would ask her if she got a second opinion and a third or more. And the whole workmans comp thing needs to be investagated if that is the case cause we all have heard horror stories. But sometimes the docs are right in these sorts of situations. If all she has is dust for bones in that leg it may be much kinder to have it removed and remove the pain and discomfort and arthritis that is going to form. They may be able to do all sorts of reconstruction and it may work out ok, but there are no guarentees by any stretch and if it is total mush in there the chances of it coming out in the end may not be worth the risk.
Thank you all for your input, it has been really valuable. Ginny, i will email you, thanks for the offer.
Vicki, you are right, it was not work related, she was cleaning her own windows.
I wonder if her homeowner's insurance would pay for it? We have liability coverage in our house, but I think that covers "other" people. I'm not sure.
If she was cleaning her own house, then there is no insurance other than her health insurance that would apply. Homeowner's liability does not cover anyone who lives in the house.
And, her health insurance company should happily provide her with the names of doctors for second opinions. My recollection is that my health insurance company, for second opinions, said it had to not only be a doctor in another practice, but also a doctor at another hospital, so there was no issue of a doctor not wanting to be critical of another doctor.
Ginny, i emailed you a little while ago. As for the insurance she doesn't have any, but she can get free health care because of her circumstances.
Thanks again,
An update on my friend:
I just saw her yesterday for the first time in a long time and she told me that she has a new doctor and that he told her that there might be something they could do to save her leg. She is really excited and happy about this. I am really happy too.
I've been praying a lot for her and will keep praying that she'll be able to walk with her two legs soon.
That is such good news. Thanks for the update.
|
Members
