I kicked her out
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive September 2005:
I kicked her out
I tried to avoid my mother today, because I knew that I was in the mood to speak my mind. Well, she decided to come into my bedroom to talk to me.
I couldn't hold back anymore. I told her(very calmly BTW) that I choose to live my life differently than she does and I need for her to get out of my house. She started saying how she had nowhere to go that she could take her dog and cat with her. I told her that I don't care, just get out.
I have been spending my day doing my usual cleaning, but, I am doing a "spring" cleaning as well to get rid of dog hair that is in every nook and cranny in my house. I even found some in the freezer!
As I am writing this, my dh is helping them load up their stuff and my mom has already left.
I am feeling a combination of relief and guilt, but, my dh told me to cut it out. I have forgiven 70 x 7 and I have nothing to feel guilty about. I am going to heed his advice. Maybe even go to therapy and make sure I am ok.
Katherine, I think you did the only thing you could do. Your mother, sad to say, is both ill and in denial. But if she doesn't want to help herself or to get help, there is nothing you can do. You can only hope that now that she has driven all of her children to the ends of their ropes with her, she might begin to realize SHE has a problem.
You are going to feel guilt, and I can't do anything to change that. But every time you feel guilty, think about having her come back and see what your gut reaction tells you. That's how I check to see how I feel about something. I'll bet your relief at being free of this burden far outweighs any guilt you feel.
Katherine, you did the best thing for your family and yourself. Please try not to feel guilty. Dealing with BP is hard enough, let alone unstable BP. Hugs
Katherine,
That was probably one of the hardest things you have ever done, but you really have to look out for your own best interests and your children. I imagine that over the next little while you will go through a whole range of different emotions. Getting some help for yourself is probably a really good idea. Stick to your guns and try not to beat up on yourself.
There are times when I feel really bad about cutting my father out of my life, but when I sit down and really think about it, I don't want to be disrepected especially in front of my children. Now that I am an adult I can pick and choose who I want to be apart of my life. Just because they are family doesn't mean you are obligated to keep them around - just my opinion.
More Hugs.
Thank you all so much for the encouraging words. I sat down and listed things to remember when I started to feel guilty. So far I have 25 different reasons. I think that's plenty, but, I know there will be more.
Thanks again everyone. 
Ditto..... and {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}
Ditto everyone else. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your family. Lots of (((((HUGS))))).
Katherine, you did what you did, for your family. {{{hugs}}}}
Good thinking, Katherine. Keep adding to the list. And check yourself in a week and see how you feel. I'll bet you'll feel 20 years younger and 50 pounds lighter. And I'll bet your family will feel a whole lot better too.
I agree with Heaventree - some short term counseling for yourself might be a really good idea.
Katherine,
I think you made the best move for the protection and well-being of your family and your mental health. One question though...have you ever been to counseling? My parents have been separated twice in my adulthood and the second time my mom was pulling some major guilt and passive-aggressive stuff temporarily. I went to couseling (grew up in a somewhat dysfunctional household) and it was so cathartic for me! I really dealt with a lot of stuff and learned that I am an adult and am not accountable to my parents and that they are adults and responsible for themselves and their decisions. Not rocket science---we should all *know* these things--but to have my feelings validated was so worth it. If you have never been to counseling, I strongly encourage it.
I think you did the right thing. Better than killing her.
She was driving you crazy and you couldn't take it anymore. No more needed to be said. Plus she stayed with you all summer. You must be kind hearted.
What are you a punching bag?
People can't understand what you are going through cause they haven't walked in your shoes. They might have semi normal parents and haven't a clue about this situation. They have no idea how much damage this sort of person to you as child/teen/adult. And they know all your buttons too. The fact that none of the other 4 child would do anything to help her speaks volumes on how toxic she is.
Be proud of yourself for what you did do and what you tried to do.
I think you did the best thing for your family considering. Your mom has to grow up sometime and take care of herself! You will feel much better.
Too many people who have mental illness believe that they are victims, and that it's up to everyone else to help them. They don't think that they have any responsibility to help themselves. They are looking for the magic cure and don't accept that it's a lifelong struggle. I think you did the only thing you could do. If she doesn't help herself, you will never be able to do it anyway. Ultimately, she will find her way or not. You must care for yourself and your family. You can't fix her. Only she has the power to do that.
Katherine, I know this was hard for you, but it sounds like you did what was best for you and you family! She will make it, she has to now. Keep that list, you'll need it. I had to make one about my ex and I used it A LOT!
I hope you are doing ok!
I have been doing ok. I had to read and add to my list. I have never been to counseling before, but, I think I sure could use it. Especially considering I seem to allow her to make me feel guilty.
My kids were actually happy that she was gone. They had not really said much about her, but, definately had some concerns that they finally spoke up about after she was gone.
She did come into my house while we were gone yesterday and took some things that she had given me. She even took a painting off of the wall. The funny thing is that we were gone to get new locks for the doors at the time.
I am ok with the things that she took anyway because I don't need any reminders making me sad right now.
Thanks again everyone for the hugs and encouraging words. I sure need them!
My mother has paranoid schizophrenia and thought it was OK to steal from me and my husband...as long as it "protected" her from the FBI, etc. Some of these diseases are self-centering anyway and she'll find that, if her own daughter and family won't even put up with her, it's time for her to get help. No one can *make* her get help, but people can react and take a stand enough so that she realizes it.
I hope she found a place to stay? Is she retired and does she have a way to get money?
She gets a disability check and has a husband. They do have money and no bills except for living expenses.
I don't know where she went, but, I'm thinking that my decision forced her to make a move. She paid off all of her bills while she was living with me, including her car.
Katherine,
While you're waiting or deciding to go for counseling you might want to try and do some journaling. It will help you get in touch with your feelings and help you sort things out in your head a little bit.
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