Bipolar Narcissistic Mother
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive September 2005:
Bipolar Narcissistic Mother
I know I haven't participated on the board much lately, but, I have a private moment for a change and I need to vent.
My mother has been living with me all summer along with her husband, her 80lb hairy, disobedient dog, and her long haired cat. I was trying to help them get back on their feet while they had some financial troubles, but it looks like she wants to stay for good.
She is bipolar (won't take her meds the right way) and narcissistic. She thinks she is the queen of the world. My son's bedroom is too small, my air conditioner doesn't blow cold enough, the bed is uncomfortable...blah blah blah.
I went through the emotional trauma of being raised by her and I don't think I can take it anymore. I don't have to put up with her baloney. I want her out, but she has nowhere to go.
I have four siblings that hate her guts and wouldn't pee on her if she was on fire, so I am all she has. Please say a prayer for me that I can stay sane through all of this until she gets out of my house.
Many hugs and prayers! She sounds eerily similar to my mom...I can feel your pain! Maybe time to have a heart to heart and tell her you need your life back?
Katherine,
Sorry to hear you are going thru this. My father has serious emotional problems and we have not spoken in 4 years. My sister is the one who supports him, emotionally that is and I know that it is difficult for her.
I just cannot stand to be around him, I know that his problems are like any other disease or sickness but it's hard to feel for someone who won't help themselves. My uncle gave me a hard time and said "If you father had cancer, would you not be there for him?" I said "If he had cancer he would probably seek treatment and would not be abusive towards me". My uncle by the way lives across the country and only sees my father once a year, he doesn't have to live in the same city and deal with him all the time.
I think you are doing a good thing by being there for your mom, I couldn't do it for my father it just takes too much of a toll on me. You will have to search your heart and talk to your family and try to make a decision that is best for all of you.
Big Hugs Sister.
My mother couldn't have tried to ruin me worse than she did.
She would never live in my house because she can't help but being amazingly criticial and toxic. She wouldn't steal more of my life.
Hopefully your mom isn't toxic.
Katherine, I think its fair that you are helping your mom get back on her feet. She raised you and its a nice way to give back. But if your mom is anything like my mom, she is probably making you feel like you are obligated? Are there guilt trips there? Is she just demanding? Or assumes you want to care for her from now on? As Judge Judy once told someone, its not the child's responsibility to take caer of the parent. If they were on their feet before I assume one or both of them work? What is keeping them from leaving? Are they not trying to be self supportive any more? I stated what I did before because sometimes you just have to tell people like that what's up! I wasn't trying to be flip. I NEVER used to confront my mom on any issue. There was always a painful outcome on my end. SHe wasn't bothered at all. Well, one day I couldn't take it anymore and I started telling her how I really feel. And that she couldn't treat me a certain way. And I started leaving her house if she was treating me or my kids badly. Your mom doesn't sound like someone you need to have around your kids. Toxic is a great word for people like this.
I guess my biggest question is, is this hurting your children psychologically and emotionally?
Yes, she is TOXIC! Their situation is that she is married to a much younger man (a complete idiot, but that is a whole other story). He was laid off from his manufacturing job and my mother gets a mental disability check.
My husband got him a job and in the meantime they were going to stay with us to save up enough for a deposit on another rental house. My mother will not settle for an apartment, she is a spoiled brat, and thinks that she is a queen, is very materialistic, but has managed to lose almost all of her material possessions.
As far as my kids go, they both understand that she has emotional issues, but I do not allow her to play psychologic games with them. They are affected, however, because she lives here, and she is affecting me. I have come to hate her, I used to feel pity for her, but that is gone now.
Yesterday, she asked me if I would take her to her hometown and drop her off in the cemetary, she had concocted a plan of how to die and then her miserable life would be over. I have heard things like this so much that I am hard hearted and don't take her suicide talk seriously. My husband took her somewhere away from the house to get her away from me and to try and snap her out of it. He is a saint, I am sure of it.
Anyway, I thought alot last night and this morning and I think I am ready to banish her from my life. 36 years is a long time to try to help someone that doesn't want help. It is obvious that I can't help her.
I think I am going to kick her out as soon as she comes crawling out of my son's bedroom at her usual afternoon wake time.
One of my kids is at a car show with my brother and I think I will find a babysitter for the other, so I can tell her what I think and the kids not have to witness it.
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