My dd (9) came home from school today saying that her friend needed a babysitter for tomorrow and wanted to come to our house. She also said she wanted to have a sleep over.

I have been totally exhausted. I have been up to 11-12 every night getting ready for school, up at 6:15, leave for work at 7:15 and don't get home until around 6pm. I am absolutely running on empty. I told dd that I couldn't possibly do it this weekend as I am so tired and I have TONS of school work to get done.

Well, tonight the girls mother calls me telling me that she is in a bind and would really like it if this friend could spend the night. I caved and said yes. Then she proceeds to tell me that she works on Saturday and would be here to pick her up at 6pm on Saturday.

OMGoodness! What have I gotten myself in to????

By Dawnk777 on Friday, September 9, 2005 - 12:44 am:

6pm? Yikes! That's a long time to have someone else's kid at your house! That's really gutsy, to ask that at the last minute!

By Vicki on Friday, September 9, 2005 - 06:18 am:

I think I MIGHT have been ok with the sleep over, but once she said that you had to keep her until 6pm, that would have been the deal breaker. I would have suddenly had plans for the afternoon or something.... I agree, that is very gutsy!!

By Karen~moderator on Friday, September 9, 2005 - 06:54 am:

I think *gutsy* is too mild - it is downright NERVY! Actually, I have another word for it, but it would be bleeped. LOL

*If* you intend to go through with it, I'd make it clear that this is a one-time thing. In my experience, once you've opened that door, the same people tend to keep coming through it, so be prepared for her to ask again.

And FWIW, *I* think you've got enough on your plate right now, and don't blame you for wanting some time to rest or just spend with your own family.

By Kaye on Friday, September 9, 2005 - 08:26 am:

Well now what you have to think is what a great excuse to let my dd watch tv and play games all day long! At 9 they can mostly take care of themselves, order pizza for dinner, and just eat mostly junk all day. BUT you do need to make sure that you tell the mom, "they had so much fun, but it was a long day for all of us, next time we have a sleep over we will have to end it before lunch!"

And gutsy, yeah..LOL. I wonder if I could pawn all three of mine off for a night and hubby and I could go on a date

By Bellajoe on Friday, September 9, 2005 - 09:38 am:

That is just rude!

By Tayjar on Friday, September 9, 2005 - 09:50 am:

I would make it clear that this is a one time offer. If she is gutsy enough to sneak in free babysitting this one time, it won't stop. I am speaking from experience. My DD has been friends with the same pack of girls since she was 2. She is now 9. I am the oldest mom of the bunch at 38. The rest are still in their late 20s. They like to go out alot.

It started off simple enough with the girls getting together at my house for slumber parties when they were about 3 or so. It was fun then. But it slowly started turning into a weekly event. I've never been paid for my time or my food bill or the extras I do for the kids - skating, movies, etc.

Now, I have one mom who asks me to watch her DD constantly. She just asked me to watch her for 4 nights and 5 days so she could go canoeing over Labor Day. I said no but caved and did 2 nights. We have her so often that my husband's coworkers actually thought she was our daughter and tried to add her to our insurance plan.

Nip it in the bud now is my advice. And I agree with Kaye. Order pizza and make the day as easy as possible. Good luck.

By Karen~moderator on Friday, September 9, 2005 - 09:54 am:

When J & J were young, we knew a family who was like that. It was a sad situation, they were just short of destitute, the Mom worked HARD, but her job was cleaning stables, and she had 3 kids to support, was getting no child support from the X. But she was constantly asking for *extended* favors like that, and I just could not do it. Back then, I found it hard to say *no*, but I learned. The first time is hard, then it gets easier after that.

I have a hard time determining if you should be annoyed or mad that someone has the nerve to ask that much of you - unless, of course, it is a close friend - or if you should see past it, they could be in dire straits and really need the help. However, even if they do, it really is NOT up to you to be their free childcare provider. Sounds cold, but you have your family and job to take care of.

I repeat what I said above - *if* you still do it, make sure she understands it's a one-time thing.

By Mommmie on Friday, September 9, 2005 - 10:44 am:

Ugh. I can so relate. I have kids at my house for hours and days at a time. I try to look at the positive in that my son is an "only" and he loves to have these kids over all the time and I like having my son at home so I know what they are up to. Of course none of this is ever reciprocated by any of the other parents. I wouldn't let my son spend that much time away from home anyway.

The are so many reasons why I get kids - the other parents are working, they're going out because they "need a break,", it's some adult's birthday, a sibling is in the hospital, the parents are ill, the kid doesn't want to attend sibs sporting activities, the dad was supposed to take the kids but he went hunting, the parents are going shopping or have a doctor's appt, etc. Most of it is "dog ate my homework" kinda of stuff. Excuses. And they more they do it the more the like it and the more you get the kids.

This won't be your only encounter with a Dumper. Isn't it interesting that she assumed you had no plans for Saturday? Dumpers don't care. They are desperate for whatever reason.

By Jann on Friday, September 9, 2005 - 11:29 am:

Are you friends with the mom? If so, I don't think it's any big deal, but my friends and I help each other out all the time if we are in a jam. If this woman is a total stranger, then it's a little more tricky. I think I would be inclined to get all the details first. I also like Kaye's suggestion of setting the parameters for the next visit.

By Paulas on Friday, September 9, 2005 - 09:12 pm:

No, Jann, she is not a friend. She called a few times last year and I did it so I guess I have set the pattern in motion. However, last year I was part-time and wasn't commuting an hour each way to work.

When she arrived I asked if she had to go back to work and she said "no". I said, "Oh, I was under the understanding that is why you needed her to spend the night." She said most people don't like it when some one drops their kid off at 7:45 am on a Saturday. I explained that I would have preferred that since I am exhausted.

Not much I can do this time around but definitely I am saying NO next time.

By Dawnk777 on Friday, September 9, 2005 - 10:12 pm:

I think I would rather get the kid at 8am on Saturday morning, than have her spend the night and stay all day! I'm usually awake by 7:45 am, anyway. Did she leave you any money towards feeding her supper, breakfast and lunch? Sheesh!

By Jann on Friday, September 9, 2005 - 10:17 pm:

Well, if she is not a friend that is definitely different. But, if I have my choice of a child at the crack of dawn or a child the night before, I would take the night before! LOL