Are you the one who loves more or is your DH?

I just finished reading a book and this was a small part of it but it got me wondering if it was true for everyone:

"It's never 50-50 in a marriage. It's always 70-30, or 60-40. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride."

By Boxzgrl on Saturday, August 6, 2005 - 08:22 pm:

I like to think that marriage is 100/100... both partners giving it everything that they have.

That said, I think it depends on the day or situation. Sometimes DH tries a little harder than I do and vice versa. For the most part, I think we're pretty equal, both giving as much as we can.

By Bea on Saturday, August 6, 2005 - 08:26 pm:

I agree with Melissa. It depends on the day, time, etc. I always love him, but there are times I don't like him very much. I'm sure he can say the same. What matters to us is our commitment to each other and to our marriage. That's what has kept us together through ups and downs for 37 years.

By Heaventree on Saturday, August 6, 2005 - 09:42 pm:

Each relationship is different. In our relationship sometimes DH gives more and I think "Wow what a great guy, he makes me feel so special".

Other times he's the one who needs the reassurance and it's time for me to step up and provide that.


Part of me believes (and hopes) that this is the key to a long term successful relationship. I heard a quote on Doctor Phil one day, he asked someone who had been married many years what the key to a successful relationship was and they responded by saying that they had never both fallen out of love at the same time.

I've been in relationships that were mostly unbalanced and it's hard not to lose yourself.

I'm happy with the way our relationship is, some days he picks up the ball and other times I do. It's not always easy, but in the difficult times I know that it will get better eventually and this is part of what keeps me going, besides the fact that he's a gorgeous, wonderful guy and I love him to death!

By Mrsheidi on Saturday, August 6, 2005 - 11:14 pm:

I'll put it this way...I tell him how I feel more. He says it less often but shows it in many many other ways. It's his way of communicating and I understand it.

I totally disagree with what that book says...it takes work...some days more than others. But, definitely, not just along for the ride.
Then again, I've only been married 5 years. LOL

By Amecmom on Sunday, August 7, 2005 - 08:31 am:

I love him more and he loves me more! A really successful marriage is when each partner is always loving the other one more, unconditionally.
Ame

By Jann on Sunday, August 7, 2005 - 08:45 am:

I have always found it incredibly sad when someone says they have a 50/50 marriage. I can't imagine only giving half of myself! Now sometimes I don't even give that much! LOL I think it's a very transient thing and if you try to keep score it's very dangerous. Sometimes I give more, sometimes my husband. Sometimes I just can't give anymore and he builds me up and takes care of me and vice versa. It's worked for 25 years.

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, August 7, 2005 - 09:50 am:

Ditto Jann! I was in one of those *50-50* marriages the first time, only mine was more like 90-10 - and my X was the 10. It was miserable.

Now I have to agree 100% with Jann. No one person is going to be at their emotional or physical *best* 100% of the time, and I think in a good relationship, each partner adjusts to the ebb/flow that just naturally, inevitably happens. You are there to support each other, nurture each other, love each other, help each other AND the relationship itself grow. You commit to building a life together, you commit to the good and the bad, and when each person is giving 100%, IMO the give and take *self-corrects* when one of you is not having a *100% day*. Does that make any sense?!? LOL

By Reds9298 on Sunday, August 7, 2005 - 11:17 am:

At least in my mind, "50/50" always applies to the physical daily chores and tasks that keep the house running smoothly, not what you are giving emotionally to your marriage.
I totally agree with Karen and the last part of what Jann said.

By Jann on Sunday, August 7, 2005 - 01:33 pm:

Reds, I guess I can't even see the daily stuff as 50/50 cause most of the time it's truly not either. Sometimes dh's job just takes it all out of him and he's not very helpful around the house, sometimes I have had it with the house stuff and just can't do another dish or load of laundry and he takes over.

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, August 7, 2005 - 05:13 pm:

I think we both give and take! Sometimes, he's the sad one. Sometimes it's me! I can't really think that one of us loves more than the other! Even if he isn't always real demonstrative, I know he loves me.

By Pamt on Sunday, August 7, 2005 - 07:37 pm:

Well, we both sign cards and notes to each other with "I love you MORE", so I guess it's a tie.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, August 9, 2005 - 11:22 pm:

Him. I love him, but it is different. It makes me feel awkward. If he dies, I will miss him, but will move on. If I die, it will take the world from him.