In addition to my *real* part-time job at the hospital, I do in-home speech therapy for 3 kids through our state funded birth-3 program. Here's the problem. One of the kids I treat first thing in the mornings. His mom leaves for work early and his dad's schedule is more flexible, so dad is the one at home when I do therapy. Not really fond of the me, dad, kid set up anyway (would MUCH prefer a mom be there for many reasons), but here's the kicker. Dad is usually running around cleaning up the kitchen and ironing a shirt while I'm doing therapy with his son. He's usually wearing an undershirt (tank top style) and then putting on his shirt in front of me. A couple of times he's run to the laundry to get something and is totally shirtless. I just think that is VERY inappropriate.

Honestly my female radar is not up in that he's never said anything inappropriate nor have I ever felt uncomfortable in terms of him trying to make a pass or anything, but I just think he should be FULLY clothed the entire time I'm there. Today I was going over some results from a language test with him and we are standing in the kitchen as he is buttoning up his button-down shirt. It's just awkward. My DH is fully aware of the situation and thinks I should tell this guy I am very uncomfortable. I just can't do that. There is also no "district manager" or person in charge I could use as a go-between either. It's me saying something or it won't get done.

This kiddo has almost reached all of his goals and I reduced the frequency of his visits today. I will be discharging him soon. I'm going to try to shift his visits to the daycare center where his mom works and he spends the day. They weren't receptive to that before, but now the special instruction teacher that sees him is doing that (maybe for the same reasons I want to) I think it might work out.

Any other suggestions? Would you feel awkward in the same situation?

By Crystal915 on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 02:46 pm:

Personally, I wouldn't be bothered by it, but you are so you should say something. Then again, I know a few in home therapists, and they all have wild stories of the insane behaviors their patients exhibit. If he was walking around in his underwear I'd be upset, but shirtless isn't a big deal.

By Kaye on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 02:53 pm:

Yes I would be uncomfortable. I think I would try to find something in writing to hand to them about how to behave during these meetings (fi you can't get it switched). Soemthing to the effect as a reminder this is a business meeting, please conduct yourself and dress yourself as if you were in my office. I would make it generic and have it on hand for all of your clients. I look at it this way. If the instructor were a male and a woman was doing that, he would be very turned on and would say she was making advances. I don't think it is unfair to ask that his clothes are on the whole time.

By Emily7 on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 02:56 pm:

I agree with Crystal. I am guessing that he is just trying to get ready for work while you are there, but if it bothers you then say something.

Pam could you help me with info on speech delays. My nephew is 23 months old & doesn't talk, just grunts. He is a second child. I think he may have a little bit of a hearing problem but his mom says he doesn't because he responds to loud noises ect. She is having him tested for everthing but hearing & they are labeling him as slow.

By Jann on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 03:03 pm:

If he is trying to get ready for work, I can see how he isn't thinking about it. If I wasn't getting in strange vibes along with it, it probably wouldn't bother me.
BUT, it really doesn't matter cause you are the one dealing with it and it makes you uncomfortable. I think moving him to the center sounds like a great idea. I would bring that up first.

By Mrsheidi on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 03:48 pm:

I think it would bother me if he looked like a neanderthal with a Budweiser pregnancy... and/or he was trying to get my attention on purpose.

He might just feel comfortable in his home and he is probably always in a hurry. And, hey, for a guy to iron his own shirt...well, I applaud the guy.

On the other hand, I think it's really distracting and the idea of switching his sessions sounds like a good non-confrontational way to solve this.

By Reds9298 on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 04:19 pm:

I wouldn't be bothered by it, but I think if it makes you feel uncomfortable you should say something. I think it's a sticky situation, too, though. Even if I didn't like it, I would have a hard time saying something about it. Ditto what Heidi said about being hurried, getting ready, etc. Good luck!

By Vicki on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 04:33 pm:

The t-shirt wouldn't bother me at all. It is no different than a tank top. Shirtless might bother me, but it sounds like that was only one time and maybe he was running late or something. What would bother me is if he was in the same room doing all of this stuff while I was trying to work with his child. To me, that would be very distracting. But that isn't what seems to be bothering you. If it makes you uncomfortable, than it would be worth it to say something.

By Juli4 on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 04:49 pm:

It is a difficult situation and many people don't see a big deal including him. It obviously nothing sexual just not viewed as a big deal for a man to be shirtless. I probably wouldn't say anything if you are almost finished. It would actually make it more awkward for the both of you. I would just wait and when you discharge the kid you won't have any problems anymore or you could try switching to the daycare center. I am like you. I am uncomfortable to see another man without a shirt and in that situation I would be even more so. We are kinda conservative people and my dh never goes outside or anything without a shirt (because of modesty and because all the girls wouldn't be able to leave him alone =) ) Well that is my advice and view.

By Tink on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 05:21 pm:

I also wouldn't be bothered by it. We have in-home therapists in our home three or four times each week and, while I am always here, my dh is often getting ready for work while they are here. He doesn't get dressed in front of them but will run out to the kitchen (where I iron) in his dress slacks and undershirt to pick up his shirt. I haven't gotten the vibe from any of the therapists that it bothers them but I'll be so much more self-conscious now!

If you really won't be in the home much longer, I wouldn't say anything. If it really does bother you that much, speak up. He probably isn't even aware that you feel this way, especially if you aren't getting any weird vibes off of him at any other times.

By Jelygu on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 08:18 pm:

I also wouldn't be bothered by it, but if it bothers you then it is a problem. If you can change the location and the change will be soon, I wouldn't say anything. But if you are unable to change to the daycare center, then maybe you should speak up.

By Pamt on Saturday, July 23, 2005 - 12:42 am:

Thanks for the input. A few comments too...Yes, a t-shirt is like a tank top, but then again, not. Kind of like saying being in your bra and panties is like wearing a bikini. I wouldn't feel so weird about it (a) if his wife were there, (b) if it were a random occurrence, or (c) he ran in got his shirt from the laundry and went back to his room to put it on. It's the getting dressed in front of me that bothers me. Although nothing is "showing" and there's definitely nothing improper going on, that just seems like a daily intimate husband-wife thing to me. (So Tink, your scenario wouldn't bother me at all ). DH and I are also *extra* cautious about these sorts of things because of his job. Except for this weird instance, we are never alone with anyone of the opposite sex...ever. Even if we need to give a mutual friend a ride or something we always have a 3rd person along, because one accusation or rumor....Anyway, better safe than sorry.

P.S., Crystal, I have some stories to tell too.