Teenagers - If you've btdt please help
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Teenagers - If you've btdt please help
Any advice on dealing with a teenage daughters mood swings? Books or anything? I need to nip this in the bud. TIA!
Geez, after going through 2 of them, I'm STILL trying to figure it out!
You might try telling her that she's entitled to feel grumpy, but if she's feeling that way she can do it in her room.
Hormones wreak havoc with teenage girls' emotions and moods, and sometimes there's nothing you can do about it. HOWEVER, you DON'T have to be the recipient of their bad mood and tantrums. After ending up in more than one screaming match with Jen, I simply told her that I understood the way she was feeling, but that she was not allowed to take it out on me or anyone else in the house. I told her she could stay in her room until she could speak civilly to the rest of us and show us the respect we deserved.
If she is sad/teary, you should probably try talking to her. Sometimes that is purely hormonal too, but I've found through experience, unfortunately, that if you ignore that too much, THAT becomes a problem. Emotional support goes a long way with that, you don't want to end up with a teenage girl who is depressed and begins to withdraw.
And, unfortunately, I didn't read any good books on this when both of mine were teens, but check Amazon, I know from recent searches there are some available. The problem is, when they are going through this, they think you can't possibly understand how they are feeling - heck, they don't understand why they are feeling this way - and they think they are the only one that's gone through it.
thanks Karen. She's not horrible, I just want to know the best techniques to diffuse her temper when she gets in a mood. I've requested a couple of books through the library.
Man Karen, I wish you were around when i was a grumpy teenager (that seems like just yesterday!) Great advice!
Well if you find any good ones please let me know. My dd is 13 yrs. and I know that it is just starting and she is driving me crazy already. Boys, clothes, hair, shoes, and you name it. And the attitude, jeez!! I just have to let her know that I do everything for her that no one else will(like leave an hour early for work to take her to boyfriend's house) and if she can't show me respect then it can all stop. It helps with some situations but not all. And the older she gets the dumber I get. I can't possibly have gone through any of the stuff that she is so how can I possibly know anything at all. I just hope and pray that what I keep hearing is true, one day she will realize that I am not so dumb after all. Please let me know if you find anything that helps.
Colette, I am sure she's not horrible, she is NORMAL!
For some reason, it seems that Jules was easier than Jen in some ways. Jen is much moodier and meaner, and she will be 21 in December! She has come a long way since she graduated high school, but when she is stressed, she STILL is very moody and emotional.
Take last night for instance - she waited until NOW to fill out her FAFSA for school. I quit reminding her because she would always bite my head off with *I KNOW what I have to do, MOTHER!* So I figured, fine, when the time comes and it's not done, it's HER problem. Which is what happened.
BUT - she needed some financial info from me and DH. By now, she's waited until school is back in session, she owes them money for the previous semester, so they won't release her transcripts, so she can't take the licensing test to get licensed so she can start taking on clients on the weekends while she finishes school. Well, like I said, HER problem. Only it became MY problem - for a very short time! LOL
She was throwing a trantrum (Yes, they still throw tantrums age age 20!) and crying and throwing her hands up and yelling at us, etc. I couldn't find the hard copy of our tax return, I was frustrated, DH was frustrated, so that didn't help at all either. I told her that if she wanted something from ME, she needed to stop being nasty, or she could do without, that SHE asked ME for help, and if she couldn't be civil to me AND DH, we were not going to help. So by now, she's sitting in the middle of her bed crying.
I let her stew in her juices for a while, then I quietly asked her if she was ready to work on her FAFSA. She came out, was civil, we got it done, and that was that. It's all in how you handle them when they get like that.
Patti, it's taken me 22 years of raising 4 kids to learn the little bit that I have, and I react differently now than I did 5 years ago. You have to stop and think about why they are acting/reacting the way they are, and realize that when 2 people are yelling, no one is being heard.
Kids have a right to feel what they are feeling, they just have to know that just because they are feeling lousy, it doesn't give them the right to be sassy or take it out on you. It's up to parents to set THOSE limits. Let them feel sad or angry or be in their bad mood - but let them do it in such a way that it doesn't affect you and the rest of the family negatively.
If you can remain calm and firm and consistent, and give them some space to decompress, odds are they will see it your way and things will go much easier. I didn't always do it that way and it took me a while to realize that was a much more productive way to deal with it.
OH - and with teens there will be a lot of times when you need to pick your battles. Certain clothing and hair styles, etc. are passing fads and often are not worth fighting over. More often than not, if you *let* them have their way in those circumstances, the fascination and attraction to whatever it is they so badly wanted quickly fades away. There will be a LOT of pick your battle occasions.
It also does no good to constantly remind them of what YOU do for them - BTDT and learned it the hard way. Instead of telling them how much you do and how quickly you can stop and take it away, don't say anything once you've established your ground rules. If the situation warrants it, just stop doing or giving or whatever. Or calmly tell them that until they start behaving in an acceptable manner, this or that privilege or whatever has been suspended. End of story. No more explanation. For me, I've found that if I just calmly do what has to be done, they can rant and rave all they want - NOT AT ME though - and they get the message pretty quickly.
Both of mine have their moments and there are times, when the 15yo feels we are too stupid to breathe, or something like that. Then other times, she is nice as can be! LOL!
Teenage girls 16 and 13. Going through all this right now. I remind the 16 year old every other day that the summer is half over and she still has no job and she really hasn't gone back to check on her applications she put in before school was out and how her father and I both were working at her age. Blah, blah blah.
I feel like Im the only one dealing with this but, sounds like Im not.
I feel for you all.
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