Just something to ponder....?
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive July 2005:
Just something to ponder....?
I read this today... didn't think people would debate it, so I put it on the general board.
You are walking through a crowded shopping center that is filled with many different people; mothers, fathers, children, grandparent; people from all walks of life. As humans we tend to let our own beliefs and standards cloud our judgment and we may by quick to jump to conclusions and judge others because they are not behaving in a manner we agree with.
Lets take a moment to consider....
A mother sitting in the cafe feeding her small infant formula from a bottle. Some may think she, 'why isn't she breast feeding, I think that is sooo much better'. In meeting this young woman we find out that she is a breast cancer survivor who had to undergo a double mastectomy, those breasts we see..prosthetic. She is not neglecting her infants needs by using formula, she is feeding her child the best way that she can.
In the toy isle you see a small child with his mother. He is sitting in the cart screaming something terrible. Some may think, 'wow that child is a spoiled brat. His mom needs to get him under control' In meeting this woman we find out that her son is autistic and he nor the mother can control the outburst that he is having. Her child is NOT spoiled, he is just upset and because of the autism, just responds to this a little differently than many other children.
In the checkout lane, the young woman in front of you with a new born in tow is paying for her groceries with food stamps and WIC vouchers. She is wearing no wedding ring. Some would think 'how dare this young mother bring a child into this world without a father and then expect the rest of us to pay the bill for it'. In meeting this woman we find out that she was raped and became pregnant as a result. She chose to keep her the baby and because of this her husband left her, claiming he couldn't deal with it. Because the child is not HIS, he pays no support. The mother works a full time job, but because she is so young and has no skills or college, she must work for minimum wage. Even in doing so, she still does not have enough to make ends meet, so she has WIC and Food stamps to supplement her as she goes to college to earn a degree and make a better life for herself and the child.
In the shoe section, you see a child walking with his parents with a pacifier in his mouth. He appears to be about 3. Some would think 'why does a child that old still have a pacifier, those parents must be too lazy to deal with getting rid of it' . In meeting this family we learn that this child who appears to be 3, is really only a little more than a year, but has grown very quickly and just looks older than he is.
In the deli while waiting your turn, you see a child in a nearby cart that appears to be around 3. You say hello, but the response you get from the child is a garble that you cannot understand. Some may think 'why can't a child this old talk? his mom must not work with him or she just baby talks to him. Shame on her.' When meeting this child and his mother we find that he has a muscular disease that prevents him from not only talking properly, but also, he cannot yet walk. His mother has spent ever penny she has trying to help her son and he has already made more progress than anyone thought possible. So, to her, his 'garbles' are a glorious sound!
Although these stories may seem extreme, I have met each and every one of these people. You may have too and just not really know their stories. There are many people like these and others out there everyday!
So, next time you are at the store and you see these people or others like them, before you judge, take a moment to wonder if you are being fair. Is there something going on that you cannot see and are not aware of? Instead of turning up your nose in judgment, take a moment to get to know them, just say hi, or just smile kindly to them. It may be just what they need that day. Maybe they are hurting inside and need to know ; there are still people in this world that are NOT judging them. 
I see just about everyone of those people in a day's work for me.
I've dealt with most of it within my own home.
A great article!
Heidi, thanks for sharing And maybe next time any of us are in a situation like this... give it a 2nd thought.And think,.....Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had..
That is a wonderful reminder to think that there are humans behind each of the assumptions that we can all jump to. I had that child that had huge tantrums and garbled speech and the looks that you get are heartbreaking. Stop to think each time you start to judge. Really, this applies in so many ways beyond motherhood. Thanks, Heidi.
Great article! Thanks for sharing.
Wonderful article and definitely something good to remember when we feel judgemental (I've thought the "spoiled brat" thought in stores before without considering that the child might not be able to help it ). Thank you for the reminder to put ourselves in other's shoes!
Thanks for sharing. That really makes you think about how you judge people before you even think about their situation. Thanks for helping us take a step back and realizing that we don't have the right to judge and do not always know the story.
What is that old saying???? Be careful when you assume cause it makes an @ss out of you and me. (@ss u me)
I love this. My son (special needs) has taught me this lesson. It's soooooo true. I feel like I am such a better person for knowing him.
thank you!
That is a great article.
That is a great article. Also, if you see a kid having a fit, you are seeing that child for one moment out of their day. You really have no idea what that child is like, all the time. Everyone's kid melts down at some point or another! It doesn't mean they are like that all the time, though!
I was just telling my husband the other day that becoming a parent has given me more empathy towards other parents. I now realize I was one who was too quick to judge without knowing all the facts. My daughter is almost three but people think she is older because she is quite tall, so I know how it feels to get the "looks". She'll have a typical meltdown, say at the mall, and I imagine people think she is too old to behave in such a manner.
This is a really good article! Thank you.
Nicki
That was a great article. I admit, I've judged before in those exact ways.
I also am sure that me or my children have been judged like some of those too when we are in public.
One time my daughter and husband were playing around in the living room and her head hit the bottom of our sofa and she got a little knot - well two days later she started to get black circles around her eyes and it just kept getting darker and darker and she looked soooo bad. I took her to the doctor and explained to him what had happened and he said it was called "racoon eyes" and that is where the blood from the bruise drained and that it would take months to go away. Well when we had to take her out in public, people stared and gave us dirty looks like we had beaten her like that! They were obvioulsy judging us in a bad way, but truly didn't know the story. A few people asked me and we explained it to them, but most of them just stared with a dirty look on their faces.
I once knew a little girl who went to the store with her dad, who was my friend. He said that in front of them in a checkout lane was a woman with a baby in a car seat. He thought to himself that the baby had to be the ugliest baby he had ever seen, tho he never said anything. Just then, his daughter, who was about 5 at the time, spoke to the woman and said, "Ma'am, you have a very beautiful baby!"
Well, my friend felt like he deserved to be stepped on and smushed into the floor. After that, he said, he will always think of his daughter before he thinks about making any more judgements about anyone.
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