My friend called me today with a problem. I told her I would post here and let her know the feedback.
She has a 6 year old son who sleeps with a special baby blanket that he has had since birth. She feels that it is time for him to part with the blanket. She wants to put it away for safe keeping and give it to him after he is grown. She said the blanket is getting to be in pretty bad shape and she wants to take it from him before it is in shreds.
Her son does not want her to take it.
And her dh is siding with the son. He has forbidden her from taking the blanket saying it will mentally harm him and that it is just mean to take it.
The mom on the other hand feels like it is time to take it, that it is a growing milestone...you take the pacifier, the bottle, the diapers, why not the "blankie".
She said that her son will scream at night for it, and insists on taking it with him for sleep overs with friends. She does'nt want him teased for it.
It is actually causing a lot of arguing between her and her dh...they need to solve this.

What do you all think.
Should she go with dh and let him keep it? Or should she take it and put it away?

Thanks a lot.

By Missmudd on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 02:16 pm:

Let the kid have his blankie, I would try and see if you could substitute a bigger boy blanket, (a new, not totally killed blankie) They have probably tried that all ready but it is worth a shot. He will eventually outgrow it.

By Happynerdmom on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 02:22 pm:

I would let him keep it. Both of my kids had a blankie, and they each slept with them until they were AT LEAST six,(don't remember the exact age) and they gave it up on their own. Now with my kids, the blankie and thumb-sucking went hand in hand, so we did try to curb the thumb-sucking behavior. Would it mentally harm him? Probably not, but I really don't see the big deal with him sleeping with it. (If he were still carrying it around, that would be different!) When the teasing starts bothering HIM, he will leave it at home! At six, he is still a little boy, IMO!

By Kate on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 02:26 pm:

He should keep it. It's cruel that she wants to take it away. If he gets teased for it he gets teased! That will either make him avoid sleepovers or leave it at home those nights. My goodness, he's only SIX!!! I know kids who take those same blankies to college! It's a wonderful thing to have as he can have comfort from it whenever he needs it and when mom and dad aren't around. He's just now getting into real school and that's a lot of pressure. He needs security and I can't understand why a mother would want to take her son's security away from him. If he ever is in the hospital or she or her husband get hurt or die, she will be GRATEFUL he has that blanket to comfort him. Pacifiers and bottles and diapers are a whole different story and are nothing like blankies. Pacis and bottles will harm their teeth and as they mature they are no longer unable to control their bodily functions. Blankies are different. They are a wonderful tool for kids to help them cope. I agree wholeheartedly with her husband (obviously!). If it's becoming shredded she might just restrict it to inside the house. No dragging it around outside, no stuffing it in his bike basket and riding it around (like my DD4) etc. And hand wash it. Be gentle with it because it is precious to her son and anything precious to her son SHOULD be precious to her.

I guess I'm pretty passionate about this! I can't help it, I just think it's about the meanest thing I ever heard of. Utterly shaking my head over the very idea of it.

By Kernkate on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 02:34 pm:

My DS Brett had his blanket until he was 7 and gave it up by himself.
DD still has one she will be 5. I think its security for them. I never pushed the issue of taking it off them. They will give it up when the time is right.

By Sunny on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 02:50 pm:

I'd let him keep the blanket.

By Colette on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 02:52 pm:

Let him keep the blankie, her dh is right. He'll give it up when he's ready to and not before.

By Debbie on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 02:53 pm:

My oldest ds had a stuffed bear that he just gave up a few months ago. He was 7 back in March. He decided on his own to put it away in his dresser drawer. But, I did notice him sleeping with it the other night(he was REALLY tired and cranky) and then the next morning it was back in the drawer. He seems to just pull him out when he needs comfort.

I say let him keep the blanket. He will eventually give it up on his own.

By Mommmie on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 03:16 pm:

Let him keep it.

By Jann on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 04:08 pm:

She wants to take something away from her son that gives him great comfort, so she can keep it for him till he is grownup?????
yep, that makes sense! LOL

By Kaye on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 04:14 pm:

Another vote to keep it. What is it hurting? We shouldn't do things for our kids without thinking through the cause and effects. I cannot think of any good reasons to take the blanket from him, to keep him from being teased, if so what kind of friends are those. To have a keepsake, yeah, get real! Because it is a milestone...hmmmm...the other milestones have a purpose, a bottle too long can hurt teeth, can prohibit proper speech. I just don't see any harm in the blankie!

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 04:22 pm:

I say let him keep it, too. I don't see any good reason to take away his his method of coping with the world.

By Marcia on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 04:52 pm:

I'm all for keeping it, too. If he was embarrassed at all, he'd let it go. He obviously feels good enough about himself to not care what his friends think.
If she wants a memory of it, she can take a picture of him with it. Even if it does fall apart, she can keep a small square.

By Melanie on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 04:54 pm:

I also say let him keep it. I vividly remember my blankie being taken from me as a child and I think that was a terrible thing to do. Kids give these things up on there own. There is no need to force it.

By Sue3 on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 05:50 pm:

I`m in favor of letting him keep it too..My dd`s bf has a blankie bit she still sleeps with ,she is 10 and brings it with her when she sleeps over.
It drives her dad nuts , but really I don`t see how it would hurt anything or anyone.
She doesn`t get teased by her friends either.
I think her dad teases her the most.

By Imamommyx4 on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 06:28 pm:

The only problem I see is the coming apart thing. My youngest ds had a blanket that he was desperately attached to. But when he was about 7 it was falling apart in shreds. It was sort of quilted. It was really getting messy. We didn't fight about it. I sat down and talked to him about it. I told him that before long there would be nothing left of it, etc. Then we went out shopping for a replacement. He found a black Mickey Mouse furry blanket to use and we put away the other in a bag and put it under his bed where he had control and could take it out if he needed it. But he was forever happy with the MM blanket. He's 20 and still uses it. I don't think he would cry if we took it away now. LOL! But he does still use it. It is a good sturdy blanket.

But the thing of it was, he had the control of his personal issues.

By Emily7 on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 06:36 pm:

I don't understand why she would want to take it from him, that just sounds mean to me. I would let him keep it until he says he is ready to give it up.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 06:39 pm:

Another vote for keeping it, and I can't add anything to what's already been said.

By Rayanne on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 06:40 pm:

Let him keep it!! Rylee has one too, and I would never think of taking it away from her. It's her security blanket. I'm just in trouble if she ever loses it. LOL

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 06:52 pm:

Oh, please please let him keep it. All the posts above are absolutely right.

My oldest had a sateen quilted blankie, and I remember being in the ladies room at Marshall Fields in Chicago with him, when another woman said "eew - who left this rag in here" - and, of course, it was the blankie. He did outgrow it. The lesson for me was to pick sturdier blankets for the blankies for my two younger sons. For each of them, the blankie stayed in the bedroom unless we were going someplace where a sleep time would come up, or something traumatic was going to happen. Each of them, around kindergarten starting age, was told that now they were going to kindergarten maybe it was time to put the blankie in the closet - they could bring it out when they wanted to but someone who was going to school was probably getting a little too grownup for a blankie. That theory went over well, the blankie went into the closet, and came out only at need. The times of need diminished, until each son decided it was time to get rid of the blankie, but it was their decision.

We call them security blankets for a reason. I can't imagine why she would want to take away a piece of her child's security.

By Cybermommyx4 on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 07:19 pm:

Let him keep it! If she is worried about it falling apart, she can put it in a pillowcase for extra durability (but leave it open at the top so he can take it out when he needs to - maybe put a drawstring in)....they are only little for so *little* time! She will understand this when he is older, and she is fondly trying to recapture the memory of that precious little boy and his blankie We are forced to deal with so much in this life, and so much loss. Why inflict unnecessary emotional trauma?

By Tink on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 07:22 pm:

I have a six year old ds that has a "binkit". It's destroyed, been repaired so many times, and I'm embarassed to let anyone see it but as long as he's happy with it and it's not hurting anyone or disrupting his play or learning, he can keep it. I have every intention of letting him take it to college if necessary. He only needs it at night and if things get VERY stressful. My dd, who is 8 yo, has a stuffed dog that she needs at the same times. I think most of us have memories of these items from our childhood or maybe we still have them!

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 08:10 pm:

My younger daughter had a purple bunny that she was very attached to. She held the ears and sucked her thumb. It was kind of a shiney material, like the satiny edging on a blanket. It went everywhere with us and a few times was lost and then found. However, when she was about 3 or so, it finally disappeared. I think I was sadder than she was. She was forced to go without and I think we had some tears, but she forged ahead. Losing it is one thing, taking it away is another altogether. I would have never have taken it away.

By Mom2three1968 on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 08:10 pm:

I agree with keeping it too, my youngest son had a special blankie and teddy bear, both went with him. Teddy was a Happy Birthday bear with a rattle inside and a bib around his neck that said "Happy 1st Birthday", my ds would rub the bib on his nose when he wanted to go to sleep, after a time the bib was so thread barren that you could see right through it, we were in Dover Delaware traveling on the space available flights throught the military and when we arrived at the terminal we realized that teddy had been left behind, in a panic I told dh that he simply had to find a way to get teddy back, we didn't have a car with us and so my dh was fixing to walk back to the hotel when a fellow passenger offered to give him a ride, we affectionally referred to teddy as "ten mile teddy" from that point on. ds eventually gave him up, I believe in first grade and he was fine! Now I still have to tell him a "goodnight poem" that I made up when dh was over in iraq, I still have to tell him this poem. I don't mind and his friends don't mind either when he's over for a sleepover. Their only little once!!

By Colette on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 08:36 pm:

Have her get the book Owen by Kevin Henkes - it's about a little boy and his blanket.

By Beth on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 08:44 pm:

I agree keep it however, I think she should talk to him about leaving it at home during sleepovers. I wouldn't make him but I can see where she would be concerned about him being teased. My ds loved Woody (the sheriff doll) and had one until he was 5. He still plays with him occasionally but is not is obsessed. DD 4 still has her tigger that she would take everywhere but I have had to curb it only because she loses it constantly and I can't tell you how many times I have tracked that thing down. This is actually a replacement she has now off of ebay because they did not make the darn things anymore. Anyway don't force it but suggesting leaving it for home or such places such as grandmas.

By Happynerdmom on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 09:28 pm:

Oh my goodness, Beth! You reminded me of a hilarious story...My ds also had a Woody doll that he loved. One evening when he was about five, he announced to our friends that he liked to lay in bed and play with his Woody! We were on the floor laughing so hard. Poor kid didn't know what he'd said!

By Bellajoe on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 10:39 pm:

I don't think it is mean of her to want to take it. I understand why she wants to take it from him. With that said, I think she should let him keep it. As long as he is not dragging it around like Linus (in the Peanuts) it should be o.k. He will grow out of it naturally. He won't be bringing it to prom with him or anything.

About the falling apart part, my childhood friend had a "blankie" when she was little. It ripped or fell apart or something, then she had several "small blankies" that she kept under her pillow. She used to just rub the fabric between her fingers, she called them her "twirlies" or something like that. She is now 28 and still has them. They are not under her pillow anymore (I doubt her dh would go for that!), but she does still have them.

By Nicki on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 11:01 pm:

Please let him keep it!! He will let go when he's ready. My daughter is completely attached to her "Winnie Blankie". So much so I have actually purchased a duplicate (tucked away quietly) in the event we lose Winnie or it wears out. I figure everything in good time...this has worked with my little one. I haven't rushed her, and she has let me know when it's time. That feels right to both of us!

By Marcia on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 11:58 pm:

Michele, WAY TOO FUNNY about your son and his Woody!!! That's a story to save for his wedding. LOL!!

By Kim on Wednesday, July 6, 2005 - 12:02 am:

hAVEN'T READ THE OTHER POSTS, BUT HERE'S MY THOUGHTS. kAYLA HAS SUCH A BLANKIE AND A VERY RARE ONE. a FEW YEARS AGO, SHE WAS MAYBE FOUR? AND i FOUND A COPY ON EBAY...ITS A DISCONTINUED bOYNTON. I bought the brand new one and told her that the ripped soft one had to be put away or it would fall into little pieces and she wouldn't have it anymore. I only let her use it when she has a bad owie or a something big going on and needs extra comfort. For every day use we have the copy and she loves on it just as much but its not quite as special as the original. I was worried that she would want to drag the darn thing to school, and she will bring it in the van while she is sleepy or over to Grandma's. But she has started leaving it in the vehicle and sometimes doesn't bring it at all. More often than not she will leave it at home now. Her need for it is fading as she is maturing. I will not force her to stop loving the blanket, I can't. Its her greatest source of comfort other than me. She used to have to cover her head with it to fall asllep as a baby/toddler! Kayla is 7. She is lucky he just wants it at bed time! Kyle had a puffalump like this, ahd a second one of that too, and he outgrew it also. He is 11. Puffy still sits out in his room, but he doesn't cuddle it or anything. I know soon enough it will be put up and away where little boy things go! Right now he's not embarrassed of it yet when other boys see it. But I know that is coming. I say let him have it.


Bellajoe, Kayla saves the little pieces that come off of her old one also. Same thing, she strokes the fabric. Her blanket has a good smell to it also...like her, I guess. I think she will always have those blanket pieces! Maybe I can patch it back together for her when she has a baby, lol!


He'll grow out of it, he really will. JMHO

By Kim on Wednesday, July 6, 2005 - 12:04 am:

Ladies with young ones....always buy a spare!!!!! trust me!

By Mara on Wednesday, July 6, 2005 - 12:29 am:

Thanks ladies for all the replys. I gave her the address here so she could look for herself. I am a little upset over her being called mean and cruel, someone even said this was the meanest thing she has ever heard? She called me asking for help. I thought this would be a great place to get info for her. I did'nt realize some of you might say things to make her feel bad about herself. Jann and Kate's response had mean comments IMO. She is just looking out for her son. She is a GREAT mother. Thanks for the replys about maybe replacing the blanket, I think that ould be a great idea. She just doesn't want the one he has now to be utterly distroyed before she can save it for him....

By Jann on Wednesday, July 6, 2005 - 09:53 am:

I am sorry that you thought my response was mean. I didn't mean it to be. My tone was more of complete amazement.
I don't think anyone here was saying that your friend is not a good mother, but I do think most of us have that blessing of 20/20 hindsight and know that in the grand scheme of things, that letting the child have the blanket is more important than saving it.

By Mrsheidi on Wednesday, July 6, 2005 - 10:58 am:

Could she sew the old blanket inside a new one and have him watch? Or, if she doesn't sew, maybe have someone (a neighbor) do it for her as he watches? Maybe even have him pick out the fabric (make sure it's soft)?

By Kate on Wednesday, July 6, 2005 - 11:07 am:

I am sorry for being harsh and hurting feelings. I fired off an immediate, knee jerk reaction response. Your friend may indeed be a 'great mother' but all we were privy to was that she wanted to take away her six year old's comfort object in order to present it to him when he was an adult and no longer needed it. I think we all implied that to do so would not be a 'great mother' moment, but others said it in gentler terms.

By Yjja123 on Wednesday, July 6, 2005 - 12:52 pm:

When I was little, my mother threatened to take my blanket away. I always told her I would be crushed if she did. One day I went to school and came home to find a new blanket on my bed and my blanket GONE! It really bothered me! To this day I remember feeling like it was the meanest thing she ever did to me.
When my daughter was little she latched on to a Simba stuffed animal and I immediately went out and bought 2 more. I would tell her I was washing it and swap it out so she loved 3 Simbas and they lasted much longer than 1. She still has one on her bed and I have packed one of the spairs away with her baby stuff.
My son had a blanket that he loved to death. I never could find a replacement. It was a gift. The binding ripped off, etc. I sat done with him and asked him how we could save blankey. He and I decided to make it into a pillow so he could still cuddle up with it but it would not get as much wear as the blankey did. We went together to the store to buy a new blanket and he selected it himself. He still has the pillow.
I really think it is important to honor your childs wishes on this. Everyone has something they treasure.
Good luck!

By Jann on Wednesday, July 6, 2005 - 01:10 pm:

What a great way to solve the problem, Yjja!! That also gives the child control over the issue too.

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, July 6, 2005 - 07:27 pm:

Emily got the purple bunny as a gift, at a family reunion, since she was the youngest one there. She was 4 months old. I didn't even know where they had gotten it and at that time, didn't know it was going to become the beloved one. I never had a chance to buy a spare. It wasn't like a puffalump that you could have gotten it from Walmart. I thought it was something they just picked up somewhere cheap. I took it apart now and then and restuffed it and would put it in a pillowcase, when we washed it. When it disappeared, it was looking rather pathetic!

By Andyjoy on Wednesday, July 6, 2005 - 07:29 pm:

Maybe your friend could just take a bunch of good pictures of the blanket and let him keep it. I bet he's more likely to hang on to a scrapbook page picturing his blankie than the blankie itself! Somehow, I just can't see a 35-year-old man with a memory box containing his blankie. Plus, if she takes it from it now, and keeps it aside, he'll just pull it out someday and think about how it was taken from him when he wasn't ready, and the blankie won't arouse the intended "happy childhood memory."

By Christylee on Thursday, July 7, 2005 - 12:37 am:

I say let him keep it, heck I'm 29 years old and still have a blanket that I LOVE to sleep with. lol...