I need some advice. DH and I have been together for 10 yrs we have 2 kids and up until the last 6-8 months our sex life has been great. Now it is down to if I am lucky 1x a week and when it is if he gets off first then he gets bored and stops and I get nothing out of it. I tell him and he tells me he is sorry and he owes me but then it happens again and still he tells me sorry.

It used to be 4-5x a week and he was more into it and was there for me not just himself but now it is not like that and I don't know what to do. Since our 2nd child was born I cannot get the the point of an orgasam (sp?) quickly it takes a while I get frustrated and I know so does he but I cannot help it. I cannot go to the Dr right now because I don't have health insurance.

We are both stressed with money and work I know and I am 185# over weight by 40-50lbs from the birth of our 2nd child over a year ago. I don't like looking at myself naked so I know he cannot like it too much either.

I am starting back on my Weight Watchers diet Monday and am going to make it work this time. I did it for 2 months before and lost almost 20#'s but lost my job and gained almost all of it back.

I want to talk to him but I don't know what to say or how. Any advise ladies. I am in my mid-late 20's he is in his early 30's.

By Rayanne on Thursday, June 30, 2005 - 01:38 pm:

I know how you feel about the weight thing. I am about 45-55pounds overweight, or atleast to where I would like to be. Mine is all from Rylee too. I would have a serious talk with him and tell him how this is hurting you. Maybe he doesn't realize how much this bothers you. Men don't always understand us, and we sometimes have to talk to them in detail to get them to understand our point of view. I have had to do that before. I wish you tons of luck sweetie.

By Frasersmama on Thursday, June 30, 2005 - 11:32 pm:

Sorry, but why do you think you need to go to the doctor? This is not YOUR problem, it is a relationship problem. Talk to him away from the bedroom and tell him how you feel. I am sorry you are going through this, but don't own the problem all by yourself, you are partners and you have a right to feel good about yourself. Maybe you are having a hard time having an orgasm because you cannot relax and feel safe and comfortable when you feel all this pressure. It might be an akward conversation, but I think it is important to tell him (in a non-accusatory way) that you are unhappy.

By Karen~moderator on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 07:33 am:

Ditto Frasersmama!!

By Anonymous on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 08:23 am:

I thought maybe I should be checked by the Dr because I was having problems even having an orgasm. I have never had this problem before. I don't take all of the blame myself at all. This is allot to do with him more than me. If he made me feel better about myself it would probably be easier. Thank you ladies I will sit him down this weekend and talk to him and tell him how I feel.

By Kernkate on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 08:27 am:

{{{Anon}}} Good Luck!

By Juli4 on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 11:47 am:

You are probably having a difficulty acheiving orgasm because you are focused on how long it takes you. I have done and sometimes do the same thing and then it takes even longer. I know your frustration. Just relax. I am also about 40 lbs overweight from the third baby and it is difficult, but our sex life is much better than when I was smaller. Size does not matter on either side.

By Reds9298 on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 12:05 pm:

If you're not relaxed and comfortable, you probably won't acheive orgasm. You can't relax until you and dh start talking this out and you gain some confidence. Do something that makes you feel good, whatever that might be. Let him know what you need from him. Chances are if he's not making you feel good about yourself you probably won't be able to stick to a diet either because the whole thing is bringing you down.
You haven't been together this long because you're under or overweight 40#. You are more than your physical appearance! Focus on what's positive and building each other up. I know when dh tells me how much he likes something about my physical body I'm sooo motivated to keep up a workout or to not have an extra piece of bread at dinnner or dessert when we're out, you know? It's part of our jobs as a spouse (or significant other) to build each other up. To be the other's biggest fan.