So what would you do?
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive June 2005:
So what would you do?
Just looking for opinions here:
A mom of one of my gs is in custody issues with her ex. Not for the dd, for her son. Ex doesn't want custody, he wants to pay less money, see the child more and at her expense (currently they live several states away). Now honestly I only know her side, it sounds like the typical he said she said. The difference is she is POOR. I think he has $$. Well she has to go to court again, the son was supposed to fly up there, but "dad hasn't sent the ticket". So she wants to leave him here. She doesn't really know anyone and has asked me to keep him while she goes to court. So I have a few thoughts on this. First I do in general like to help out when I can. It is probably really tough when you don't have cc and don't have income (she is on disability for something). But what I also know is she is a taker. She has a bf here, the whole reason for moving. She wants to leave, but isn't sure she can afford to move back. So in the meantime she is still hanging out with him, letting him pay for vacations for her and her family, the recently went on a week long beach vacation. She hasn't told him she plans to move because he will be crushed. Several people I know she has asked for $$ and they have given it to her, 300 here, 60 there, etc. Her real bind here is that she doesn't have the money for a ticket, so what is she to do with her son?
So would you keep the boy? He is 5, i have seen him, but he has never actually spoken to me. He has played with my boys temporially while she picked up her dd, so no more than 5 minutes maybe 10.
I have to say I am leaning towards not doing it, but I am not sure what to say to her. It just sounds wrong and I hate to get mixed up in a bad situation.
Thoughts?
Who is watching the girl while she is away? I personally wouldn't do it, because it sounds like it could be the start of a very bad situation for you.
From what you have described she sounds more like an aquaintance than a friend & I would never ask any one that does not personally know me or my child to watch them.
I don't want to sound anti-Good-Samaritan here, but I'd be a bit cautious with this one. I feel sorry for her children, but you also need to keep in mind how this could possibly affect your own family in the long run.
I have to agree with Emily and Kay here - I can appreciate you wanting to help her out, but re-read what you posted:
But what I also know is she is a taker. She has a bf here, the whole reason for moving. She wants to leave, but isn't sure she can afford to move back. So in the meantime she is still hanging out with him, letting him pay for vacations for her and her family, the recently went on a week long beach vacation. She hasn't told him she plans to move because he will be crushed. Several people I know she has asked for $$ and they have given it to her, 300 here, 60 there, etc. Her real bind here is that she doesn't have the money for a ticket, so what is she to do with her son?
So would you keep the boy? He is 5, i have seen him, but he has never actually spoken to me. He has played with my boys temporially while she picked up her dd, so no more than 5 minutes maybe 10.
You don't really know the boy, he doesn't know you, she's a taker, sounds like she uses people.....don't become one of those people. Unfortunately, you can't be all things to all people, and you do have your own family (and checkbook! LOL) to worry about.
After much prayer and discussion I have decided not to keep this boy. As much as I want to help there are just too many red flags. As far as being used, I don't have an issue saying no for $$ and all. BUT my biggest worry is to be in the middle of what may be an ugly court battle, I would just hate to be accused of something like kidnapping. I feel for the kid, but I can't help that situation out.
The real kicker is now what to say. I am not a lie to kind of person, I am usually too honest. So I may just say I am just uncomfortable to be in the middle of this. Whether you can afford it or not, you know your ex wants him there and I just don't feel like I should be put in that place. She probably needs someone to tell her that, but I may take the easy way out.
I do have family that may or may not be coming in (would make for an xtra 5 at my house) they aren't real sure of their plans, maybe sat, sun, but slim chance of monday night (which is when she wants me to start), so it would be easy to say just that, family comes first and since they haven't set their schedule yet I cannot commit. I will spend more time in prayer and thought on what is next.
Also I know that when I say no, she will email the rest of my girl scout moms (the girl is away with the otherside of the family). I am thinking of dropping them an email forwarning them, but not sure if that is the right thing to do.
If she is simply going to email them, I don't think they need warning. They don't need to respond or react instantly like they would with a phone call. Email allows the person to think it thru before answering, so I wouldn't worry about giving a heads up and it probably isn't your place to do so, altho I understand your reasoning.
I also support your decision to decline. I would have declined also.
Ditto Karen, Kaye IMHO I would just stay out of it all together. JMO...Best of luck and (((Big Hugs.!!}}}
Well, I've always found that even if honesty feels uncomfortable, honesty is always best. If you are expecting guests (family), there's your reason right there. If not, go with the *I don't feel comfortable doing this and I can't get involved attitude*.
As for emailing the other G.S. mom, don't do it. *IF* she goes to another of them, or several of them and asks her favor of them, or if she emails some of them about you, THEN you could follow up with an email to them and explain your side, short and simple.
If you email them first - even if you ARE expecting that she will email them about you - it makes you look like you are stirring the pot, you don't want that.
Good luck!
I'm confused. Is she asking you to watch the boy for a day while she goes to a court hearing in your locality, or for a longer period of time while she is away from home for - I can't figure out - some purpose.
I agree, you definitely don't want to be in the middle and this one sounds like a real user. I ask only because in my mind there is a difference between keeping a kid one day until court ends, or for several days.
Sounds like flying wherever X is for court, so I would think that would mean at least an overnight, if not more......Kaye??
monday nite until wed nite (which i fear means thursday) while she flies from texas to ohio for a court appearance having to do with custody with this child.
If it were local a few hours, I would really have no issue. But the thought that she may be expected to have that child in ohio, when he is reality is with a person he does not know, just doesn't bode well. I can see all sorts of scenerios, but the more likely one is that I would have to take him to the airport and put him on a plane.
What she will do next, after I say no, is to email the rest of my gs troop (she only knows a handful of people here) she initially just asked me and her sons teacher. She also goes to church with us and is in a group with 2 of the other GS mom's. One I know will have no issue saying no. The other one has a problem saying no, but healthwise needs to. That is why I thought I may give her the heads up and explain to her that it is not her job...lol
Crazy crazy world. There is so much more crazy stuff to this story and this person. I feel for her. My overall feel is she has lead a very hard wild life and just recently has become a Christian, but I think it is hard to start over and to forget those old ways when times get tough.
LOL, i just got another email from her asking if I had made a decision (she only asked me on wed and spoke to me wed night, emailed me yesterday, and now this one..lol) I told her no. She also asked if I would consider giving her son a haircut (i just recently did my boys) I did say sure I didn't mind, but be forewarned that I it has taken a couple of years for me not to make my boys goofy looking, I did another friends and it turned out bad! It will only take 5 minutes, but I don't want to be a regular!
Let me suggest is that part of what is going on is that she moved out of the jurisdiction of the court where the divorce was granted without the Court's permission. I know in Pennsylvania, if the custodial parent wants to move out of the area they have to get court permission and if the non-custodial parent objects, the custodial parent has to have a really good reason - like a new job AND with the job market not good where she (usually she) lives, or a new husband who lives elsewhere or wants to take a new job elsewhere. It sounds like she moved to your town to be with her bf, or maybe for no really good reason, and this is why the court is now involved.
I think you are absolutely right to not have the boy in your home while she is in court in another state. A worst case scenario would be the court ordering the boy's return and having your local courts issue a warrant, and have the Sheriff come to your house. That is the worst case and not really likely, but also not impossible. Depends on how badly she ticks off the judge.
Poor kid. I feel really sorry for him.
That is what I am figuring too Ginny. It is worst case scenerio, but still I don't need the police here! She sent me a sad email back saying she has noone else and she will have to just not go and lose everything she has been fighting for. Well I am so sorry, but she made this choice. She turned down the haircut, not only is she a taker, she is discriminating, only the best...lol
She may also be a martyr and a manipulator.....LOL
|
Members
