I am so upset...my brother and his live-in gf of 6 mos are pregnant. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my b and his gf is great, I don't know her very well, but she is nice to me and my family. First of all my parents had no problem when my b met this g and she moved in from day 1. I wasn't even allowed to live w/ dh when we bought our house 9 mos before our wedding (what will the neighbors think!!! bleep the neighbors) Can you tell I'm annoyed. Now grant it my b is 30 and I got married almost 20 yrs ago and I was 21, but this is bullsh*t! Now if I went and told my parents that I was pregnant after knowing my dh for 6 mos I would have called every name in the book... my parents are estatic about my b and his gf pregnancy...its just not fair, its such a double standard...I know that my b is an adult and its not like he is a teen, but I just wanted them to be disappointed and then accept it...do you know what I mean. I hate that they are "estatic"...it doesn't seem fair...

By Kaye on Monday, June 13, 2005 - 12:47 pm:

Well to answer your question, yes it is petty. Life isn't fair, parent treat kids differently. But wanting your brother to feel your pain isn't okay either (i understand, i have a VERY similar situation with my brother).

However what I have learned through the loss of two mom's and really getting to know my dad, there is a reason he treated us differently.

So when I read your story I am sad for your brother, your parents obviously have much lower standards for him, expect less. You should be please that they call for more from you.

It is hard, but honestly deep down this is what is best for the whole family, maybe your parents learned from how they handled you. Maybe they are growing to be not so judgemental.

By Crystal915 on Monday, June 13, 2005 - 01:00 pm:

One thing I notice a lot is how the younger siblings of the family are usually treated with more leniency, even as adults. I'm an oldest, and even though my siblings are still school age children, they do get a little more slack than I did at their age. Nate is 27, and has a 20 y/o brother and a 18 y/o brother. Both the younger boys can get away with murder compared to him at their age. It's just a fact of life, though it's pretty normal to get peeved about it. Kaye made some good points. Just try and remember, you wouldn't be the person you are today if not for them.

By Anonymous on Monday, June 13, 2005 - 01:01 pm:

...kaye, thank you so much...I like your point of view...you've really helped me...thank you

By Amy~moderator on Monday, June 13, 2005 - 02:21 pm:

Anon, I have noticed that my parents are more leniant on my younger brother than they were on me. I agree whole-heartedly with Kaye. Parents do treat their children differently, but usually for good reason.

They could've learned from the way the raised you. It could be a difference of gender. Or of age. It could also be that they had higher expectations for you. It could also be that you and your brother have different personalities, thus they treat you differently. It could be a lot of things.

But, honestly, in the grand scheme of things it's not that important. I would just let bygones be bygones and go on being greatful for having family. ((((hugs))))

By Marcia on Monday, June 13, 2005 - 02:41 pm:

It really might have something to do with the fact that 20 years have gone by, and things are very much more open now than they were then. "The neighbours" wouldn't even give it a second thought these days.

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, June 13, 2005 - 06:04 pm:

I think there are three things involved here: it is 20 years later, he is not the first child, and he is not the DAUGHTER. Sorry to say, most families have different rules and standards for daughters than they do for sons. Mostly because sons don't get pregnant (though, of course, they do impregnate). Yes, it's not fair. Yes, I would be peeved also.

But, what are can we women do? Nothing, as you implied, except to vent here, which is a good thing to do.

By Karen~moderator on Monday, June 13, 2005 - 06:09 pm:

Unfortunately, I have been accused of being partial to Jeff, when in fact, I have been guilty of having *somewhat* different rules for Jen, simply because she is my daughter. I can't say if it's fair or not, but I think we all tend to have more worries about our GIRLS in some areas......

And I agree somewhat with Kaye about expectations too.....and whether or not *that* is fair, who am I to say..... but I do know that it sometimes plays a part...

By Kym on Wednesday, June 15, 2005 - 09:56 am:

I hope no one yells at me But I think marraiges have a much stronger chance at being long lasting and most importantly happy, when they follow the timeline of: dating, marraige and then children. so while you may be feeling a sting now, chances are your more strict guidance 20 years ago, will be worth it 20 years from now.
And yes it's a bit petty, but aren't we all when it comes to those darn siblings

By Pamt on Friday, June 17, 2005 - 12:12 am:

Kym, I won't yell at you, because I totally agree with you. As a matter of fact, many studies show that couples who live together before marriage have a much greater chance of divorce. As a matter of fact, my DH (a minister) won't marry a couple who is living together, due to the huge chance of divorce stacked against them. He will marry them if they live separately during the rest of the engagement and agree to intensive premarital counseling before the marriage, but it is something he feels very strongly about just because of past experience. Anon,, you should be grateful that you were held to higher standards. It will serve you well in the long run.