I went with my Mom to my Grandma's apartment to pack things up. She has to stay at the Assisted Living Building, but now gets to have her own room. Packing things up was so hard. It just made it seem like she was already gone, even though she isn't. I was able to get her patio furniture, a nice crystal bowl, some Irish Coffee Mugs with cute sayings, and I also found two coffe mugs, one has her name and the other has my grandfather's name. I lost it when I found those. I don't like seeing her like this. I feel horrable for thinking this, but sometimes I wish that she would go now, so that we don't have to watch it happen slowly. I am going to go see her new place this week. She is very excited that I am coming to see her.

By Jelygu on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 - 11:34 am:

Awwwww.. you poor thing. I bet it was hard to see that. I know how you feel because my grandmother is going downhill also. Luckily she isn't in a home, but my mom takes care of her.
I hope the move goes well, and that she is comfortable and likes it there.

By Crystal915 on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 - 11:48 am:

(((Rayanne))) I can only imagine how hard this is for you and your family. Many hugs, hon.

By My2cuties on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 - 12:51 pm:

I am so sorry Rayanne. ((((Hugs))))

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 - 04:40 pm:

Oh, Rayanne. This is a gift of time. This is time to do your remembering and build your memories, time to ask your grandma to tell you stories of when she was a little girl and when your mother was a little girl, to talk about times together that are special in your memory, to say I love you and hear it back. Yes, it is very, very hard - I went through this with my father, who was "gone" as a person almost two years before he died, and I spent the last two weeks of his life in my brother's hospital room 24/7. I have always been grateful that I had the time to say all the things I wanted to say while they could hear them, and know that I would never be crying "Oh, I wish I had said".

My dear mother died suddenly, in her sleep, and I have always been grateful that just two nights before we had had one of those long talks about life and things and I was able to say to her (as I had said so many times) how much I valued her being with me and that she was in many ways my best friend, and also to tell her what a great mother she had been to me all my life. But we don't always have those conversations with people, even though we should. So when you are given the gift of time to say those things and hear them, grab it with both hands and cherish it. Yes, it means your loved one is slipping away - but that happens to all of us. Some of us are lucky enough to be able to have the gift of time to share words of love and to have the kind of relationship that makes those words of love real and true. It doesn't make it any less painful now, but I assure you it makes it a whole lot less painful in the future, because you don't have all those "oh, I wish I had", and "if only I'd" thoughts and guilt feelings to add to your feelings of loss.

By Tunnia on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 - 05:21 pm:

Hugs to you Rayanne.

By Mrsheidi on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 - 05:24 pm:

Awww, Rayanne. I know how it is. My mother has had many strokes and she is slowly heading towards a feeding tube. You just want them to hang on their "dignity" because it's so hard to see them like this. So sorry, sweetie...she is so lucky to have you in her life.

By Mommyof4 on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 - 05:46 pm:

Rayanne,

I did almost the same exact thing this weekend. My grandparents moved from their home of 65 years in December to an assisted living type apartment. I was OK with it until this weekend when we had a sale with all their possessions that they no longer wanted/needed. There were so many things there that I remembered from my childhood and when I looked at them and then at my grandparents it really hit me how we will never experience some of those things with them again. My sisters and I did get some of my grandmother's crystal and I got her cedar chest but it was a very hard weekend. I don't think I could have done if they were already gone.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 - 07:03 pm:

{{{{{{{{{Rayanne}}}}}}}}}

I can SO relate. When I was cleaning out my mom's apartment, I kept things that were *special* to me. One of the things I kept was a coffee mug with her name on it. I also found an old portfolio with some of her artwork in it. She was very artistic and musical when I was younger and she hasn't drawn or painted in over 30 years. I am going to frame some of it.

As Ginny said, take this gift of time and make what you can out of it.

Cherish those momentos you kept, you will keep part of her with you always, through them.

By Rayanne on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 - 09:35 pm:

I know that these times will be hard, but I do agree with you tow (Ginny & Karen). I will cherish these times.

My favorite story of them is how they met. My Grandfather was actually in school to become a Priest, and then he met my Grandmother, and two weeks later, they got married.
She was actually engaged before him, to a man in the Air Force, but he died in action, and she said that she would NEVER marry a man in the Army, well she did. My Grandfather retired as a General in the Army.