As you all know Chuck and I have split up, there are days when things are really good and other days aren't so great. Lately I've been doing alot of thinking about the things I like to do, my intrests, and generally my happiness. What I've come to the conclusion is that I don't know who Christy is anymore. Somewhere over that last five years I've lost myself and don't know anything about myself... Sounds strange but true.

When I'm asked what I enjoy doing I can honestly only answer with sewing and reading, and well the computer. Notice a pattern here, all very solo things.... I'm not antisocial but I don't have a whole lot of friends that are actually here in Houston, most are online and far away. I have found one friend here in Houston, my complex actually, but we are different than night and day. She's a career woman, single, and no kids and we really don't have a lot in common and we end up spending alot of time in silence. I honestly don't even know how to go about finding out WHAT my intrests are and what the things are that I like to do.

I went tonight to find a book on "Finding Yourself" and actually read just about every back of every book in Barnes and Nobles looking for one and nothing fit. Heck I'm so lost they haven't even wrote a book to help me! lol... Seriously, I feel so lost on who/what I am besides Brendan's mommy. Othertimes I feel bad becasue I want to more than that....

IF anyone has every been where I am, how do you get through something like this? Does anyone know of any good self help books to help you get back to being yourself after a split up?

Thanks guys...

By Clarabel on Sunday, May 22, 2005 - 11:18 pm:

Oh yes, definately! Been there and been there again.
When my husband and I were seperated for a year for reasons I don't need to get into, I found that I was going through some very big changes and alot of it was uncomfortable to say the least.
I read a lot of books during that time but the one that had the greatest inpact on my life was
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
I still flip through it when I am feeling that way.
You may not know it now because it feels so icky
but you are in a place where you have the opportunity to really heal and become the person you were meant to be.
Good Luck!

By Clarabel on Sunday, May 22, 2005 - 11:26 pm:

The Power of Now
This is what the book looks like.

By Imamommyx4 on Monday, May 23, 2005 - 01:08 am:

Haven't split with the dh. But on several ocasions I have gone through a mini depression and told to go do something that I want to do. So I sat down and tried to remember what I used to like to do and couldn't come up with anything. Somehow I got lost in being a wife, a mom, and working full-time that I just lost the fun of who I am.
But to find yourself, start with small steps. You didn't find yourself in the position overnight and correcting it won't happen overnight either. Start with what you already mentioned and go with that. Like reading?? Find a book club to join. Sit down and read at Barnes and Noble. Somebody may see you reading an interesting book and stop to chat.

Are you good enough at sewing that you could do it for somebody else? Put up ads at the supermarket or in a local paper. Offer to make curtains for patients in a local nursing home.

Do you have a church that you are involved with? Our church is starting common interest groups.

What kinds of classes are you taking? Look through the class schedule for something that sounds interesting--Art, Basketweaving, Ballroom Dancing, Karate, Self-defense for women, Archery.

It's hard, but the best way to get yourself out of the funk is by just doing something. I wish all of the best. I have BTDT and got the scars. And I do know how hard it is to get going. I have sat and cried that I didn't know who I was anymore. My life was centered around the boys and dh in school. I was looking at your bio. And I agree with your motto. Sometimes I wish God didn't trust me so much either. But I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

By Yjja123 on Monday, May 23, 2005 - 10:31 am:

I had to reconnect with ME because I started feeling like I was going through the motions of my life. I bought the following books:
"Simple Abundance A daybook of comfort and joy" by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
and
"The simple abundance journal of gratitude" also by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
By paying attention to what I do have, it made it easier for me to discover what makes me happy. I am not going through a seperation (my thoughts and prayers are with you) but can relate to the feeling of being disconnected to yourself. These books really helped.
I am now taking art classes. My hubby has converted a room to be my studio because I SPOKE UP and said "I need this". I am now exercising and finally taking care of ME.
Good luck with your journey in rediscovering yourself!
Yvonne

By Mrsheidi on Monday, May 23, 2005 - 01:36 pm:

I bet it would be neat to find people with some similar interests online...
have you tried www.craigslist.org? or, have you done a search online for "finding friends in Houston"? I bet there are other ladies just like you...in your exact same position in life?
I've also just got finished reading "Purpose Driven Life". It's for anybody who just needs a little nudge to help them find their purpose in this world!!! It has totally changed my life!!

By Latonya on Monday, May 23, 2005 - 01:49 pm:

I went through the same thing when me and my ex split. I had 3 dk at the time and I didn't know how to be a single mom and make ends meet. I tried to find the things that meant something to me or at least interested me and I couldn't. I knew I needed something besides being a mom. I love my kids with all my heart but I needed something that was mine. So, I met my now dh and he gave me the chance to go to college which was something I had always wanted to do but couldn't. So I did it!! I enrolled in college and was so happy about it. In the middle of getting my 2 year degree I got pregnant with my last child and I thought oh great I will never finish now but with the encouragement of my husband and the great people at the college, I graduated in July 2004 with a 3.0 grade average and an AS degree in Accounting. Now I have a job at the University of Florida making more money than I ever have in my life. My DH stays home and takes care of the kids and the house for now (until Christopher is 4). I love my job and the people I work with. I have the greatest supervisor in the world who understands about having kids and needing to be there for certain things and when they are sick and all the important stuff. Sometimes money is still a little tight but we make it and I will get a raise soon. My life is great and I have found myself. It is great!!

By Clarabel on Monday, May 23, 2005 - 11:59 pm:

Way to go Latonya!
I would love to go back to school, but I don't see how it is possible right now.

By Christylee on Tuesday, May 24, 2005 - 09:21 pm:

Thank you everyone for sharing with me, it's helpful to know I'm not in this alone. I have made a list of the books suggested and will check into them.

Thanks everyone,
christy