We might be moving...

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive May 2005: We might be moving...

Just need to vent I guess...long story short, dh's company has been on the downslide for a while and we're considering looking elsewhere for a job. That definitely means a major move, like out of state. I have no doubt that he'll land another great job because he's very good at what he does, but I'm terrified of such a big life change. I've never lived out of my hometown. We've traveled extensively, but I've never *lived* anywhere else. Ultimately it's a good time to make this kind of change becuase we're not too old to make job changes, I finally gave up my career to be a SAHM, and our child is very young. BUT...even though we don't really like the town we live in (our hometown) it's COMFORTABLE, you know? We DO love our beautiful home, both of our families are right here and we have good relationships. It's just *home*, you know? I'm terrified of such a life change, uprooting, what will seem like starting over. He is going to start sending out resumes this weekend. Ultimately I think (if he gets the right job)it's a smart financial decision for us in the long run because his company (been there 7 yrs) is NOT looking good. He also doesn't know if he wants to spend his life there either.
I'm just nervous and scared of the unknown. Furthermore, I know my parents will just DIE when/if they here about us even considering this. They've been waiting for a grandchild from us for a long time. I hate the idea of our child not growing up around g'parents. I guess just because I had a strong bond with mine and I know how much it impacted my life. I hate to think of her missing that.
I'm just kind of down. Trying to look at all the positives that could come out of it once we got settled again. Needed to talk about some of this here because I can't tell anyone yet even what we're planning to do.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 01:18 am:

Yes, it is scary. And you are already starting to feel lonely for the familiar people and places. The up side, of course, is that your dh is wise enough to make the change before it is made for him, so that he has time to be a bit choosy. And he will not be one of dozens or hundreds of people suddenly job hunting when the company goes under.

My best wishes to you, dh, and your family. One bit of advice: whatever new town you wind up in, start church shopping right away and as soon as you find one you like, join and volunteer - that's a good way to meet people. And get involved in someting for your children so that you meet other moms right away. Those things were my salvation when we moved from Chicago to Philadelphia, with everyone in my life in Chicago and knowing no one in Philly.

By Clarabel on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 05:16 am:

While he's putting his resume out there, couldn't he apply for something at home?

By Trina~moderator on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 07:10 am:

{{{HUGS}}} Yes, it is hard to leave "home" but I've learned I can be happy almost anywhere as long as I'm with DH and our kids. My parents live 8 hrs. away but we keep in touch often via phone, e-mail, etc. and we take turns visiting a couple times a year. Not ideal but certainly do-able. I must add there are some pros to living far from family.

Many communities have Newcomer Clubs. I belong to my town's club and it's a great way to meet people and become familiar with the area.
NewcomersClub.com

What is your DH's line of work? Maybe you'll be moving to an area near a MV member.

By Anonymous on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 08:10 am:

Clarabel...dh is an engineer and there's NOTHING else worth anything or in his line in our state. We're hoping for something in Cincinnati, there are good prospects there.
Thank you so much guys...you have very encouraging words that I really appreciate.

By Debbie on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 09:13 am:

{{{anonymous}}} I can so relate to what you are going through. Dh and I lived in the same town as my parents and his brothers and sisters. His parents lived just a few hours away. We had just had ds,(my parents 1st grandchild) and dh got offered a promotion in another state. It was so hard in the beginning. But, I made some wonderful friends after we moved and came to love where we lived. We kept in touch with family through daily phone calls(got unlimited long distance) videos, pictures and lots of visits. Since then, we have moved 2 more times, so now I almost feel like a pro at moving! LOL.

The best advice I can give is to get out and get involved. It makes it much easier. You will eventually feel "at home" in your new place.

Yes, it is hard to move. But, it sounds like you are in a no win situation where you are at.

By Kaye on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 09:51 am:

Well I can say that we have defintely BTDT. Our move was from tx to cinci. I will say that I loved it there! It is so nice, conservative and a great place to have a family. We have moved back home now, I love being near family (still nearest family is 5 hours) but I truly miss it there. If this comes true for you keep us posted, we can give you all sorts of advice on where to live, etc.

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 11:00 am:

Moves can be scary, even when you WANT to move, like to a house, from an apartment. A new house feels weird for a while, like it's someone else's house, but in time, with your stuff and your history, it soon becomes YOUR house and your new haven and that can happen, no matter where you are.

I was lucky that when we did our last major move, 12 years ago, it was to the town where my best friend from college lived, so, I already had a friend, when I moved here. Then, my next door neighbor was also a mom, with young kids and we hit it off, right away. So, I never felt too lonely, when we moved here.

My worst time for feeling lonely, was when we bought a house and my DD changed schools. It just took a while to figure out who the other parents were, but eventually, that was accomplished, too.

By Happynerdmom on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 11:45 am:

I've moved lots of times, and the first time moving to a different state, away from what was "comfortable," was a little scary, but it ended up being the best thing to ever happen to me! Since then, we've moved a lot, even to a different country, and it was great! It's really made me much more outgoing and proactive in my friendships. Now I'm back home, "settling down" at least until the kids are out of school. BTW, Cincinnati is where I am, so feel free to contact me if you need anything, or have any questions! That would be cool if you ended up here!(email is in profile.)

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 07:07 pm:

I haven't moved out of state, but moved 200 miles away from what was comfortable, when I got my first job out of college. I found a church, started making friends, and soon life was comfortable, there!

I have just lived various places in WI.

By Clarabel on Sunday, May 22, 2005 - 11:06 pm:

We moved from Los Angeles back to Virginia a year ago after being there for five years and it was so hard!
I was so miserable up until a couple of months ago.Everything that went wrong made me think I never should have left LA. Everyone kept telling me it would take a year to get comfortable and it finally has.
I think we are doing better as a family now because of this move.
I also have a fabulous neighbor with two small boys and we are becoming friends.
My reasons for moving were to find a more healthy
comfortable and safe environment to raise my children. Your reasons are to find a better way of life too.
We sacrifice so much of ourselves and our selfish desires when we become parents.
Just think, everywhere you go there are women and a lot of those women are moms and they are just waiting for you to move next door so they have someone to connect with.

By Conni on Monday, May 23, 2005 - 09:53 am:

Well, atleast you are staying in the USA. LOL My dh keeps commenting on moving out of the country. Forget the grandparents- I dont think *I* could be that far away from my sisters.

In March it was South America, this month it is Central America ( i think thats what it is called!! lol i am so geographically inclined- not!) ...;)

I want to move to our farm- and dh can move where he needs to and I'll come visit him. He just laughs when I say that.

First and foremost- I hope your dh finds a great job! Good luck with everything and keep us posted.

By Melanie on Monday, May 23, 2005 - 10:04 am:

I never imagined living far away from my hometown. That is until ds was 7 months old and we moved from Rhode Island to California! My parents were definitely heartbroken. But we had to do what was best for our family. Over the course of the first few years I would have moved back to New England in a heartbeat. But now I can't imagine a better place to live. This is home.

Those who said to get involved in the new community gave great advice. Doing so really makes you feel connected to the community fast.

Good luck with your new adventure. (((HUG)))