Here I am, 43 come Tuesday, a teenager and a 10 yr old, and we have been "officially done" after several years of unsuccessfully TTC... I am dying to have one more! A co-worker just had her first (yeah, but she's 22 yrs old, for goodness sake!)and we are hearing EVERYTHING that happens, photos, etc. Everywhere I go, I see babies! I come here, I read about babies! I really am too old, and besides, dh wouldn't go for it at all. How do I get over this longing? I'm not ready to accept that my reproductive days are behind me and I'm too young to be a grandma... *sigh*

By Brandy on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 01:30 pm:

Find a baby and watch it all night and all day that should cure you lol... = ) I watched my husbands baby once and i couldn't do anything i wanted lol = ) ...and that was only for about 4 or so hours if i remember correctly...

By Frasersmama on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 01:36 pm:

I can't say that I know how you feel, but I am sure that it is something that a lot of women go through. I think it is something you just have to grieve. Don't minimize it or try to ignore the feelings. It is ok to be sad about it, you are definitely not alone. {{{Hugs}}}to you.

By Colette on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 01:46 pm:

Get a kitten!

By Emily7 on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 03:10 pm:

I could send you my 16 month old & 3 year old...together they should cure you.

By Brandy on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 03:23 pm:

yeah i could send you my 8 and 10 year old they would for sure cure you lol.. = ) forgot about that...

By Janet on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 05:42 pm:

Gee, thanks..I have a cat anyway, and two children.

By Jelygu on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 06:09 pm:

I don't know how to tell you to feel better. I am sorry you are sad, but I am sure that there are lots of women who feel the way you do. Maybe you can spend some time with someone else's baby, but I'm not sure that would make things any better. I think it would make you want one even more.
Anyway, I'm not any help, just wanted to say I hope you find away to feel better!

By Cybermommyx4 on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 06:16 pm:

Janet,
I understand the *baby pangs*...I still get them, too. I am 35, my kids are 8,9,14, and 17. I (physically) cannot and should not have any more---but I miss it! I have come to realize over the years that what I miss is THESE kids being babies....something having another would not cure. And I say to myself, I would LOVE to have another *baby*...but would I love to have a 19-month old, into-everything, running around? Maybe not so much anymore...I can't imagine doing all that we do as a family and adding a baby into the mix - oldest DS is graduating and going off to college in a year, and I can't see looking at colleges and cribs in the same time frame, lol! Also, I would feel that we had deprived the *new* baby of all the siblings, etc., and family memories that we already have. And that makes me sad. Sorry to ramble on, I just wanted to let you know that I know the feeling of wanting *just one more*....{{{HUGS}}}

By Emily7 on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 07:23 pm:

I apologizing for making light of the issue, but that is what I do myself when I get to feeling like I want another baby. I look at the mess my kids make & realize the baby doesn't stay a baby forever.

By Marcia on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 09:48 pm:

Janet, I'm right there with you. I'll be 41 in July, I have mothered 7 children, and I am still mothering girls who are 8,10,10,11 and 12. I could easily (desire wise) have a baby in a minute, but mother nature has always had different plans for me. I've always joked though, and said that I'll end up pregnant in my 40's. For the record, I've only been pregnant once, and that's been in 15 years of unprotected sex.
I feel for ya!!

By Boxzgrl on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 10:17 pm:

I'm only 22 but I can feel your pain. My Mom is 42 and I occasionally witnessed her saying that she wanted another child but as soon as Kaitlyn came along, she was healed. Now, she couldn't imagine wanting a child of her own but still loves having Kaitlyn around since it's her own blood. It's filling her empty space in her heart without making such a great decision of having another child. What about adoption if you really want another one that bad? Watching a child may seem like a solution but I know to me, if wouldn't fill that void i'd have. It's just not the same if you KWIM. (((HUGS))) Children truly are a great blessing. I still have the urge to have another child since I adore babies so much but I don't have my age holding me back, I have my conscience.

By Palmbchprincess on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 10:51 pm:

Janet,
I don't have any suggestions, but much support. (((Janet))) Then again, maybe I do have a suggestion. Have you thought about foster care? There are so many children who need a family, and you sound like you certainly have a loving home. I only suggest it because I started having children young, and I'll "finish" young, so I've always said I would like to do foster care after I've had my own children. Just a thought. No matter what you decide, I hope you find peace with your decision. I know younger moms who have their tubes tied, and never thought twice about the decision, and moms who feel like you. It's intensely personal, and a tough decision to make.

edited by Moderator

By Truestori on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 01:30 am:

Janet,

I am right along side you. I feel like every corner I turn I see someone pregnant or TTC and I get that urge to have another baby. It is really tuff and I'm not sure anyone who desires another child really ever gets over it. I am thankful to be able to have two healthy children, so I guess my comfort lies in the fact that I have had the experience twice and eventually I may have grandchildren to raise.
I'm 29 so truthfully I would still have some time according to my biological clock, but my husband got a vasectomy with no reversal in mind. LOL

By Clarabel on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 05:40 am:

Janet,
First of all...Happy Birthday!!

My suggestion is that you spend some time celebrating yourself. Bake yourself a cake.
Enjoy doing something you rarely get to do or always wanted to do.

My mother went through this when my sisters and I were teenagers.
She had my brother at 42.
Now that I need..... I really need her to be a grandmother she and my father are too worn out from having a 20 year old still living at home
and all they can do is sit and watch t.v. or go to a lecture or a play or to church and have some adult time.
This sounds a little selfish actually, hmm I guess I'm a bit resentful.And I love my brother and couldn't imagine the world without him.
I just think that the identity of motherhood is so strong that women forget that they can be creative and productive in other ways.

And what am I doing up at 5:36 a.m?
Between the 2 year old's night terrors and the one in my tummy training for the olympics,I can't sleep.
Be grateful your kids are growing up and you are free to pursue anything in life.
I hope this doesn't sound insensitive.

By Janet on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 09:39 am:

Thanks for your support...I just needed someone to tell me I wasn't going nuts with these feelings.

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 11:04 am:

I'm 45. I can't wait to be a grandma, but my kids are only 15 and 13, so I have a long ways to wait, too. I really don't want full-time responsibility for a baby, at this point in my life. DH and I love being able to go out and run errands, without taking the kids along. Our lives are a lot freer, than they used to be, when kids were younger. So, I just get my baby fix, when I see other people's babies. At my church, it seems someone is always pregnant, so I have a blast, watching all their babies grow up!

By Colette on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 11:58 am:

Janet, I apologize if my post about getting a kitten made you upset, I was trying to lighten your mood. I didn't mean to come off as uncaring.

By Crystal915 on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 12:01 pm:

Clarabel, what you said rings true for me as well. My parents are in their 40s, and have a 10 year old and a (almost) 6 year old. They can't come visit, they are ALWAYS busy when I call, and basically it's hard to talk to them because they don't have time. My kids miss out on Nana and Pop Pop, and I kinda resent that.

By Marcia on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 09:26 pm:

Crystal, your parents had their kids in their 30's, which is pretty typical. I guess it's just the age difference between you and your siblings which makes it difficult. I am almost 41 and Stephen is 48, and our kids are the ages of your siblings. We just don't have any older than 12.

By Rayelle on Saturday, May 21, 2005 - 11:05 pm:

I get baby fever too, even though I have young children.I know it's not exactly the same, but it can be tough sometimes- it can be such a strong longing. You're definitely not nuts in my book. If you could only see the stuff I'm hoarding "in case".

By Imamommyx4 on Sunday, May 22, 2005 - 07:11 pm:

A friend of mine was never able to have any children. She raised her step-dd. When she was off to college, she decided to be a toddler SS teacher. The kids love her and she's great with them. Gives her a little outlet. Not the same, but it's productive.