As some of you know my mil lives with us. It's been almost two years and I think I am doing pretty good because this is my first post about it. She recently got out of the hospital and it has been non stop doctor appointments. Three just this week! I get the burden of it all because I work second and therefore dh does not have to take off of work to do it. But I finally put my foot down today. Dh is dropping her off at the hospital she has an appointment this morning and one early afternoon. Plus labs to do in between. I don't think I need to be there for all of it. I think its a good idea for her to do some of this on her own. I am just worried that she will miss something important. But I just can't keep doing this. I am becoming more and more resentful. Before you think I am to harsh. My mil did not raise my dh all of his life. It's a long complicated story but lets just say she made poor choices. He was the only one of her five children and in some since he was the lucky one. He is the only one to graduate even high school but he also graduated college. 3 out 5 have had some kind of drug or alcohol problem. My dh not being one of them. So in some ways he was lucky he was not raised all of his life by her. But look who is taking care of her now. Sometimes she will talk about what a good mother she was blah blah blah. It's a big joke and it does hurt my dh to hear her talk like that. Dh's other siblings worship the ground she walks on to it's disgusting considering the truth. If we mention her going back which was the orginal plan his other siblings say she is doing so much better here and she is. But they just don't want the responsibilities and I for one am tired of it. She does help clean the house and she watches the children a minimal amount of time since dh and I work opposite shifts. However, she lets my dk's get away with things that I would not and I worry her "influence" on them considering her great job with her kids. She would never hurt them she just lets them do whatever they want. I know that sounds so mean to say but I can't help it it's how I feel sometimes. I think this last couple of weeks have just been particular stressful. She was supposed to go home in July for a month for a much needed break for all of us. But now she is having surgery in June and I don't know that she will be able to. I really pray she does. I think we all need a break. I am going to go anyom just in case in family member should see this.

By Conni on Thursday, May 19, 2005 - 10:50 am:

(((( hugs ))))

My Grandad is living with my parents. He is in his 80's (just turned 87 this week). I know that you are tired and need a break!! You HAVE to get your break imo. It is time for his siblings to come and stay for the weekend or they all need to pitch in and help pay for someone to come stay with mil for the weekend. So you and your family can have a break. My Dad had to stand up to his Dad and his siblings and tell them that he and my Mom need a break. In April they took him out to Texas and dropped him off for 2 weeks. Last weekend my Aunt was here so- Mom and Dad went to Branson for the weekend.

Grandad talks nonstop, he can be grouchy and he never stays in one spot very long. lol They get tired of trying to keep up with him and do everything else they need to do on their farm.

Just remember 2 things...

#1: Grandma's are for spoiling Grandkids- so let her have that reltionhip with them. She isnt their Mother.
My Grandmas spoiled us rotten and loved us so much. I am so glad I have those types of memories with my Grandmothers. They taught us things that my Mom didnt. They loved in a different more patient way then my Mom. lol She cant change her past either...She also didnt make those siblings become addicts- they made those choices for themself, imo... You are probably ready to clobber me now huh? lol

#2: You will be truly blessed for what you are doing for her!!!

It is ok to vent!! And it is ok to stand up for yourself and say you need a break. Its unrealistic to think you shouldnt get one. imo

By Palmbchprincess on Thursday, May 19, 2005 - 11:22 am:

((((Hugs)))))

By Missmudd on Thursday, May 19, 2005 - 01:10 pm:

Does mil need full time care? Would it be possible for you to leave her at home alone for a few days? Pick up the kids and the dh and go camping or whatever? Unless she is incompetent she should be able to handle routine appointments on her own and take a cab home. If it makes you feel better, still go with her for visits w/ physicians or any specialist that you feel you need to know information from but let the other visits like labs and perhaps pt if it is involved to your mil. Your mil may actually enjoy doing some of these visits by herself, we all need quiet time.