I came home tonight and my DH had 2 LARGE and strong Jack and cokes. He was supposed to be watching our child. I am livid. He acts like it's normal to drink every day.
How much does your DH drink? I am so angry with him I could spit! What if I got in a car accident or our child got sick and had to go to the ER? He wouldn't even be able to drive right!!! I wonder if he could lose his job too, if he ever got a DUI. I wish he would just learn how to relax another way. His dad drinks a lot too and it scares me how much my DH can drink. His eyes get glassy and his speech is slurred.
I AM SO ANGRY!!!!!

By Palmbchprincess on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 11:06 pm:

Drinking that much while in charge of a child is pretty out of line. Do you think he would drive while drinking? That's a big issue, way bigger than just drinking at home. Honestly, you need to sit and talk with him in a non-attacking manner, and let him know what bothers you. If you want him to not drink while watching your child, tell him, and come up with some sort of agreement. I don't think you should ask him not to drink at all (unless of course his drinking is out of hand, and he cannot control it), but part of marriage is respect, and he should respect your wishes. (((Anon))) Good luck.

By Tink on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 01:36 am:

My dh will have a beer while taking care of the kids. Nothing that worries me and I know that he'd never drive, even after just one beer. He'd call me or a family member or even go to a neighbor and ask, if necessary.

I'd be more worried with the amount and frequency of his drinking. My dh and I will each unwind with a beer after the kids are in bed. Neither of us would feel comfortable with driving if something happened but we only do that occasionally. I agree with Crystal, that you need to sit down and spell out your concerns and see if he's willing to wait until you are home to "unwind" with a drink, if you are comfortable with that.

By Jann on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 07:28 am:

When you say large, was it a tall glass? how much bourbon was actually in it? The reason why I ask is that I prefer my cocktails in a tall glass but it's not any more liquor in it than say 2 glasses of wine. Was he drunk? Is that why you are saying he couldn't drive?
My dh and I will usually have a glass or two of wine with dinner. We aren't drunk.

By Juli4 on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 09:28 am:

I have never seen my husband drink although I know he has in high school. It is something that I am glad we don't even have to deal with.

By Emily7 on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 11:16 am:

We bought a 6 pack of beer 4 weeks ago it lasted us 2 weeks. We are not big drinkers because we have both seen what it can do.
I don't understand why people drink everyday...but that is just me.

By Rayanne on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 12:06 pm:

A 6 pack of beer will last my DH about a month.

By Kernkate on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 12:13 pm:

My DH has a beer or 2 after work, and it doesn't bother me. He doesn't get loaded its just something he has done and I guess will continue to. And he doesn't drive anywher after he has a beer.
He only drinks beer, I hate the hard liquor, I have been bartending for many years and see how people get with liquor, not that beer doesn't have the same effect on people. But large amounts of liquor isn't good.
You said "2 LARGE and strong Jack and cokes" How much Jack is he using for each drink?? Does he drink everyday to where his speech is slurred??
If so I would be worried. As others have said in the post tell him you would appreciate it if he would wait for you to be home before unwinding.
I would just sit down and talk to him about the way you feel. Do this when he hasn't had a drink.

By Trina~moderator on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 12:19 pm:

I would be upset as well and not sure if I could trust him to act responsibly when home alone with children in the future. Red flags here...

My DH rarely drinks but that's because his father was an alcoholic and he's determined NOT to be like him. He has inherited alcoholic tendencies but channels them into his career.

By Clarabel on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 12:27 pm:

I see some red flags too and this is because clearly his drinking bothers you.There is no way to say if he is an alcoholic or not, but if you can not communicate about this and come to an agreement, I would suggest attending an Al-anon meeting. It might give you some helpful tools to deal with his drinking.

By Sunny on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 02:42 pm:

Have you ever considered that your Dh may be an alcoholic? I only ask because you say, "He acts like it's normal to drink every day." "His dad drinks a lot too and it scares me how much my DH can drink." "His eyes get glassy and his speech is slurred." and it is obviously affecting you.
I agree there are red flags. Wouldn't hurt to check out Al-Anon.

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 03:00 pm:

DH sometimes has a beer or two, when we go out to eat. He sometimes has a beer, when he gets home from work. It's not every day and if he has two, when we go out to eat, I drive home. I rarely drink, only one drink once in a great while.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 04:29 pm:

Sounds to me like you should maybe think about going to AlAnon - the program for families of alcoholics - as someone else suggested above. It does sound to me like your husband has a drinking problem. Here is the AA web site with a map, to help you find services in your area:
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/default/en_services_aa.cfm?pageid=40

Here is the web site for an on-line quiz about whether you (or the person for whom you are taking the test) is at risk for alcholism. http://alcoholism.about.com/od/problem/a/blquiz1.htm

The problem is, if he has a problem he won't do anything about it until he admits he has a problem. Given his family history, there is indeed a strong likelihood, especially when you say his eyes get glassy and his speech gets slurred. But you can do something for yourself by going to AlAnon or at least taking advantage of online resources.

Lots of hugs and prayers, my dear. Do post whenever you need or want support.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 04:33 pm:

And, by the way, there is a lot of difference between a glass or two of wine with dinner, and drinking every day to the extent that your spouse worries about how much you drink and you get glassy-eyed and have slurred speech.

I have a drink at the end of the day 2 to 4 days a week. But I never do if I am planning to go out later (driving). And if I am at a social event, I have only a couple of drinks, with soda or water in between, and stop drinking at least two hours before I plan to be driving. Having worked for lawyers representing the victims of drunk drivers, I don't ever want to be on the drunk driver side of that - or on the victim side, either, if I can help it.

A week or two ago my son came home and it was clear he had had a couple of beers more than he should have and then drive. I told him loud and clear I'd rather he spend the night whereever he is or call me to come and get him than drive when he is even slightly over the edge. The legal limit in PA is .8, but as far as I am concerned even that is too high to be driving.

By Debbie on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 05:12 pm:

Ditto, the others about Al-Anon. Based on what you said about your dh drinking every day and getting slurred and bleary eyed, I would think that he has a drinking problem.

I would not leave your dks alone with him right now. It sounds like he can not be trusted.

{{{{hugs}}}} I would definitely talk to him about how you feel.

My dh rarely drinks. He may have a beer with dinner on the weekends. We do drink more during the holidays when we are with family. But, we never drive and we don't get to the point were are speak is slurred, etc.

By Reds9298 on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 05:17 pm:

My dh has had about 2 drinks in his LIFE...glad I don't have that to worry about. His parents drank a lot so he's just not interested. I think you should have been angry...he should not be drinking like that while caring for a child(ren) and the driving issue would concern me. What if he HAD to take them somewhere for some reason, or even an emergency?

By Cocoabutter on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 08:47 pm:

Drinking is toxic to relationships. My in-laws went through it. They went to bars a lot and always got into fights. When their favorite bar changed venues, they quit going, and now they are much happier together.

My dh and I went through it when we first got married. Finally after three years, I told him, it's either your drinking or your wife. He chose his wife. We will celebrate 15 years next month.

Your dh doesn't have to get DRUNK to merely unwind. He is an alcoholic. Not only does it not matter to him that his drinking *bothers* you, but he put the safety of your child in jeopardy. God forbid he should pass out while she is up and around. Depending on her age (don't know gender, just an example) she could get into dangerous situations, like starting a fire, climbing on the counters or shelves, going outside for an innocent walk, etc. Her precious life is NOT worth the risk just to keep a man.

I would take the hard line with him. Do you have a parent or relative you could stay with for a while? Can you rent a little apartment on your own? Let him know this is a deal breaker. Leave and don't come back until he has been sober for at least a year.

Just my opinion. I wish you the best of luck.

By Boxzgrl on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 09:29 pm:

DH drinks an occasional beer or two after work and a few hard drinks maybe one weekend day a month. I myself don't drink much so that may be an influence. Drinking that much while watching a child is out of line IMO. I hope you resolve this.

By Eve on Sunday, May 15, 2005 - 07:46 am:

We love wine in our house and will have a glass, sometimes two with dinner. (Not everyday) In the Summer we will mix cocktails or make sangria. But, I can't remember the last time my DH had too much to drink. Gosh, years and years!

The issue is how his drinking is making you feel. It has nothing to do with how much or how often. It's making you uncomfortable and the issue needs to be discussed. Good Luck! ((HUG))

By Jann on Sunday, May 15, 2005 - 09:27 am:

I agree with Eve.

By Missmudd on Monday, May 16, 2005 - 02:02 pm:

I probably drink more than dh and neither of us drink very much.

Like all the other posts I think that this isnt really about social or occasional drinking, it does sound like there is a problem. He really shouldnt have been totally loaded when he was the only one that was home to care for the kids. That is the biggest red flag for me.