I am livid with dh!! He continually goes into my wallet and takes all of my cash without telling me. It has caused several embarrassing moments when I walked up to pay and low and behold, no money!

Now, the kicker is that he left his debt/atm card in the machine at work. By the time he realized it, the bank had gotten it and cut it up. He put in for a new card and for some reason told them he didn't need a temp. card. This morning he took my card, leaving me with no cash and no card. I needed to take out some money and couldn't.

I called dh at work and told him that if he wants to stay married, he better just stay out of my wallet. He thinks I am blowing it way out of proportion. I don't think I am, it would be different if he told me, but he does it without saying anything!

So, after that long vent... Does your dh go into your wallet/purse and take things out without telling you? Am I blowing this out of proportion?

By Karen~moderator on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 11:10 am:

Never. And I never go into his. And NO, you are NOT blowing it out of proportion! It's inconsiderate, and I consider it an invasion of privacy, of sorts. Not that either DH OR I have anything to hide, but it's just not something you should do! My X used to do this with me though, and I had several experiences like you did, in a checkout line, no cash.

I would definitely stand my ground on this one, Debbie!

By Emily7 on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 11:10 am:

He has done this, but now doesn't because I did it to him & he had no money to pay for gas. LOL He had to call me & have me brign the checkbook to him, he started to complain & I just said you have done it to me.
Of course I always used write the last check & forget to put a new book in, until he did it to me. LOL

By My2cuties on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 11:11 am:

No, DH tells me everything, if he needs the ATM card out of my wallet he will tell me to get it out. It is just a respect thing in our house. I don't go through his wallet he doesn't go through mine (and take things out). Not because we have anything to hide (all we have are pictures of each other and the kids and business cards and normal "wallet items") But it is just common sense that if you think you have money you are going to go somewhere and then if it's gone you are stuck.
I wouldn't say "if you want to stay married" but I would be upset.
Have you told him before that you want to know if he takes something out??

By Trina~moderator on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 11:13 am:

No, neither of us takes $ without asking or informing the other first. I don't think you're blowing this out of proportion. Communication is key!

By Palmbchprincess on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 11:36 am:

I'm with you and the others, that isn't right. He'll take cash out of my purse, if he tells me first, but generally stays out of my purse and wallet, and I give the same respect. It's a matter of personal space and respect, your DH needs to respect your feelings, and see how this is an inconvenience to you.

By Kernkate on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 11:40 am:

We never go into each others wallets, or my purse. If DH needs money he will tell me, then I will get it or tell him to get it.
I was brought up you never go into a any ones purse or wallet and its just something that we never did.
I would stand my ground on this also. Wouldn't be grounds for divorce, but I would be upset.

By Rayanne on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 11:53 am:

DH always asks me if I have money first.
We each have our own cards, so he doesn't need mine.
If he does take money after he asks, he usually reminds me the next morning that he did.
It's a respect issue, and definately not grounds for divorce.

By Janet on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 11:58 am:

My dh won't even open my purse when I ask him to get something...I think he imagines some deep, dark female thing will attack him, LOL!
I always ask before I get money from his wallet, and vice versa. You need to know what you've got in the way of cash...it only makes sense. I hope you can get him to understand why this is a problem (without divorce!)

By Dawnk777 on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 12:03 pm:

No, I don't! DH and I don't do this to each other! I don't go through his wallet. He has too much stuff in there and I would never find whatever it was I would be looking for. I have only taken money out, when he knew I was!

Also, I keep loose change in a container in my drawer. I don't always like to have it all with me, since it's way too easy to spend it all that way. He rarely even takes money from there and usually when I'm aware of it! We call it "Dawn's TYME Machine!" LOL!

By Cybermommyx4 on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 01:08 pm:

Never, ever, ever. If DH or I need cash for something (and we rarely use cash with the convenience of the ATM/Debit card) we ASK each other. I can't imagine how livid I would be if I went to get money I knew was in my wallet and it was gone...GRRRRRRRRRRRR.....We have only joint bank accounts, so we need to be in communication when we spend money, as we are not wealthy enough to not have transactions make a difference in our bank account, lol! What I don't get is, even if your DH needed to "borrow" your card, WHY couldn't he LET YOU KNOW? {{{HUGS}}}

By Colette on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 01:09 pm:

We do, but just if we need $$ for a quick run to the store and we both always tell the other that we took the money.

By Tonya on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 01:34 pm:

We are like Wendy's family where 1 transaction could break the bank if the other is not aware. When DH needs money he tells me I give it to him but generally because he is bad with money he never has any on him and I usually only have the ATM card never really use cash. And he will not go into my purse because he says he could get eaten. He will bring it to me to get him what he needs. And the bank account only has my name on it so he doesn't write checks for anything so no problem there either.

I say I agree you should be mad that is disrespectful and wrong for him to take stuff and at least not warn you that it is gone.

By Mommmie on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 01:38 pm:

I am already training my son to never ever go inside a woman's purse - ever.

By Tink on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 01:49 pm:

I have no problem with my dh looking in my purse or wallet. He'll occasionally need the stamps (in my wallet) or get chapstick for the kids. He HAS taken all the money out of my wallet and it has left me in an awkward position twice. I'm assuming you didn't mean you would actually divorce him over it but I've jokingly threatened similar dire consequences (like taking a page from ancient cultures and cutting off a finger for theivery!) when I was embarassed that way.

By Debbie on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 02:25 pm:

No, I won't divorce him over this!!

I have no problem with dh getting things out of my wallet or purse, if he asks me first!! It is just the fact that he doesn't tell me. I just think it is so inconsiderate. I had to come home and borrow money from my 7 yr. old!

I am glad I am not the only one that feels this way. I never take anything out of his wallet unless I ask him first.

By Imamommyx4 on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 04:27 pm:

It's not a spoken thing but dh never gets into my purse nor I into his wallet unless he's told me to get something. It's sort of like the only piece of privacy that you have as a married person. There's nothing in my purse that I don't want somebody else to see except a tampon maybe, but it's still my last domain.

By Kaye on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 04:52 pm:

I have had a big family discussion on this, it just isn't a big deal to me. However I will say that although hubby goes into my purse at will to get whatever he needs, he does always mention it to me. I would grab cash out of his wallet (yeah right, he never carries cash..lol), but I do think I would say hey i grabbed that. I tend to have money in my pockets and toss it by my sink, my hubby has grabbed that more than once. I told him I really didn't mind, BUT ask, cause I might have that money for something specific.

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 06:10 pm:

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER. Going into someone's wallet or purse without permission is worse than reading someone else's mail. It is a violation of privacy. It also says he doesn't care if he leaves you in a difficult position later in the day.

It would be one thing if he would ask, honey can you lend/give me some money, but to do it AND not tell you is so very disrespectful. It says he thinks of your property as his property, not yours.

And for pete's sake, if he had an ATM card and still took your cash, it is saying he thinks it is more important that he not be inconvenienced by having to stop at the ATM than that you be inconvenienced and embarassed when you pull out your wallet and find the cash you thought you had is gone.

If one of your children did it, he would rightfully call it stealing.

Can you start hiding your wallet, or at least the cash, so that at least he has to ask?

By Jelygu on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 08:28 pm:

I agree with everyone else, you should be upset. Jimmy and I will get in each other's wallets ONLY with permission. It's a respect thing.

By Missbookworm on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 09:12 pm:

Well I'm only dating someone but we have been together almost 3 years now. He's pretty permanent in my life, stuff here a key etc. but he doesn't live here. If he's here and we order in, I only go in his wallet if I'm the one going to the door to pay. I would NEVER expect him to go into my purse/wallet if we were living together or married without asking me. Heck I wouldn't like hearing "I'm going to take some money out of your purse now" or "I have taken money out of your purse" I would never without asking him. I think it's about respect.

By Conni on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 08:47 am:

deleted

By Cat on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 11:12 am:

My dh is like Janet's--won't even go in my purse! lol He'll ask if I have any money and if I say yes he'll BRING me my purse and make me get it out. I find if rather irritating. I'll go in his wallet if he tells me he has money if I need some, but he never goes in mine. My kids will! lol They always ask first.

By Sunny on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 02:54 pm:

First, I'd suggest stashing away emergency money that only you know about. It will save you from ever having to borrow money from your kids or being left high and dry.
I agree with everything Ginny said. My Dh never goes into my wallet or pocketbook and if he needs something, he'll hand me my purse to get it for him. We share so many things when we marry, but we still need a few things that are exclusively our own.

By Debbie on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 05:00 pm:

Thanks everyone. I talked to dh last night and told him that I know he didn't think it was a big deal, but I did. I told him that I didn't understand why he thought it was okay to dismiss my feelings. That got him thinking. This morning he told me he would definitely stay out of my wallet unless he asked first. Hopefully, this will be the end of it.

Ginny, I said the exact same thing to dh about why he is taking cash out of my wallet when he has an ATM card and a machine at his office!

By Eve on Sunday, May 15, 2005 - 07:58 am:

Not usually. The only time I can think of is if we ordered a pizza. I might yell down to him "I have some money in my purse if you need cash!" I use my debit card so often, that I hardly ever have that much cash. There wouldn't be anything to take!

So, yes, I would be annoyed too!